My boyfriend won't tell his parents about me being pregnant. what should i do?

Discussion in 'Teen Pregnancy' started by SoHobuttonZ, Nov 18, 2011.

  1. SoHobuttonZ

    SoHobuttonZ New Member

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    i'm 19 yrs old and 14 weeks pregnant. my bf is 20 and from saudi arabia. he has been extremely supportive ever since i got pregnant. only issue being that he has not told his folks about me yet. he hates his former country and its culture. he already has a strained relationship with his family since he gave up islam and became an atheist. he reckons that they wouldn't be able to handle it and that they are not important anyway. i can't speak with them because they don't speak fluent english and i don't speak their language. i know that i really don't need them but i've been feeling weird about it the last week days. we live in new york and his parents are in saudi arabia, so unless he tells them, they won't find out. what should i do?
     
  2. trinaestella

    trinaestella Aliyah's mummy! <3

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    You cant do nothing babe, i was in a similar position aswell. My boy is pakistani and studies islam too and at 5 months he told his family, they didnt take it too easy as i am christian and also im not asian :/
    But theyre fine now, i still havent met them yet though and i dont want to - but they are ok, well his mum is anyway.
    One day he will tell them though im sure of it cos the more you grow and the closer you come to your due date it will be harder for him.
    If you need to chat PM me cos i know it can be stressful x
     
  3. rubexxx

    rubexxx Well-Known Member

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    doesnt sound like theres much you can do, other than maybe explain to him that its causing you to worry about when they do find out, which they must do at some point... and also the baby is going to be related to them, and even if he doesnt speak to them much they should at least know about the baby, if they want to judge either of you or decide not to have anything to do with the baby then it's their choice, but then at least you can let your mind rest from worrying and think that you at least give them the chance? :shrug: hope everything works out hun, and even if they respond badly to it, just keep your head held high and i hope you have a happy and healthy baby :):flow:
     
  4. Fruitymeli

    Fruitymeli Mum of 3

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    my husband is pakistani and he is muslim culture , the best thing to do hun
    is sit down and talk to him about the baby , my husband did tell his family but he did with a scan pic :) pm me if u need advice
     
  5. beanzz

    beanzz Mama to 2

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    All you can do is tell him your thoughts on the situation. Explain to him that you think they have a right to know, whether they'll be happy about it or not and he might change his mind once he see's another point of view. :flower:
     
  6. amygwen

    amygwen Mom to Kenny & Gwendoline

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    There's not much you can do, the only thing you can do is to let OH know how important it is for his parents to know. Can he not write just a simple letter that says you're pregnant and you're doing well? I can understand him straining away from his religion and culture, a lot of the time that happens - but I think it's necessary for him to tell them even if they won't have anything to do with the baby. I'm sure they'd like to know.
     
  7. Kaisma

    Kaisma Well-Known Member

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    My boyfriend told after I turned 4 months... there was nothing I could have done tho
     
  8. deafgal

    deafgal Guest

    Just let him handle his family in his own time when he is ready. All it matters he is there for you and yourvbaby.

    Meanwhile you two should enjoy pregnancy as much as you can (without family conflict , it's more enjoyable anyway).
     
  9. 2beamummy12

    2beamummy12 Guest

    I had this same problem but my FOB was just scared rofl anyway he told them at 10 weeks and it was fine sadly i dont think you really can do anything but i really reccomend not pressuring him just let him choose when to do it because i pressured fob and now we arent together :/
     
  10. Liesje

    Liesje Well-Known Member

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    I'd be careful and trust his judgment... he knows his parents best.

    In Canada there has been a lot of talk lately about "honour killings"... probably just something the media has overly puffed up and you have nothing to worry about but I wouldn't make too much of an issue about telling them if your BF doesn't want to.
     
  11. nicoleJOLIE

    nicoleJOLIE SingleTeenMom&Proud!

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    my FOB is from Grenada and thats where all his family is - and he hid my pregnancy for 5 months ... so i left him lol .

    but to each his own maybe he'll grow up and decide to share the wonderful news

    congrats , btw.
     
  12. meggabear

    meggabear Mommy, daddy and Caiden

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    Th only thing you can do is trust him, he knows his prents best and he might be protecting you and the baby from unnessesary stress or ridicule, not to mention himself. in time it is best to let him handle them as he knows how to best. my father ( sperm donor as i call him) was extatic, but constantly harassed me an accused me of not nourishing my unborn child, then months after he was born just up and disowned him just to get back at me for something petty, so trust me when i say to trust him and his sense of timing, i really doubt he is being cowardace and not wanting to share the lovely news, kay? :) chin up and blessings to you
     
  13. ayesha_a_b

    ayesha_a_b Guest

    Just tell him how you feel and maybe he would change his mind and tell them.
     
  14. loveme_x

    loveme_x Well-Known Member

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    Anything i hope you don't do, is sit & wait for like a whole bunch of months though. Maybe his parents won't actually deny it's his like my FOB did. Which was aweful! Smh. Don't pressure him like "You better tell them or else!!" lol okay just kidding but just ask him often "Hun when are you going to tell them so we can move forward?" Or something similar.
     
  15. DXBBaby

    DXBBaby Well-Known Member

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    Sorry for the long post , alot of info...

    To be honest, I think it maybe best if the parents are unawares for the timebeing. If he decides to tell them at a later date when he feels it is right to do so then so be it , but I think you have to trust his judgement on this. Been living in the Middle east for a while now and from my experience to have a baby out of wed-lock is a huge shame on the family and the community not to mention its against the law in and religion in Islam, not only is there that issue but from what I can understand you are not Saudi yourself or muslim and acceptance of the pregnancy or yourself is very slim.

    I know of some local families who send their sons abroad for education purposes, when one family saw pictures of the young man in question at a bar from a friend on FB with friends who were girls, they said his mother was very sick and needed to come home at once. When he came home they took his passport and arranged marriage was made. Also in islamic law - where I live and in Saudi, custody is 80% of the time given to the man and his family. Its such a delicate situation, there are lots of news articles on this and something we expats do worry about living here should something happen between us and our husband. But as you are and will remain in the U.S theres no reason to worry.

    Just incase though in the future should some contact be made between baby and family... some info- you would need to marry in order to even travel to Saudi arabia as a husband or male family member must accompany you - unless you have a special work visa. You would not need to be married though in order to travel to the UAE, OMAN, etc. which borders Saudi. If you ever were to meet with any of the fathers family , unmarried travelling to one of these places - well I just wouldnt. Any meetings to see baby can take place in U.S at your home.

    All the best to you,
     
  16. Lydiarose

    Lydiarose Well-Known Member

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    Hi hun,


    My OH didnt tell his parents until i was 6 months pregnant!

    He was so scared of the reaction he kept putting it off,but it got to a point where i said if you dont tell them i will,it wasnt fair on me having to hide it and them not to know.

    He did tell them that day,and his mum was more upset that he kept i from her than anything else.


    Seems crazy now as were having our second and he's such a changed man :haha:


    This time he told them and they didnt react to well "how are you going to cope" why are you making your lives even harder etc . . . he just turned round and said im happy thanks mum,i provide for my family not you and im really excited!

    hope you sort it out xx
     

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