My crazy hormones are driving my OH away

[Boomerslady]

Sorry for posting on here so much today, but I just need to talk to people, and there's not really anyone impartial I can speak to.

My hormones are driving me mad....my OH thinks I'm abnormal and crazy (which I am a bit, but I didn't think I was any worse than other pregnant ladies!)

Earlier today he was trying to be helpful by hanging out the washing. He hung the duvet cover over our banister, and for no reason I flipped at him.....part of the cover was inside out, and I tried to snatch it off him to sort out. I was sooo angry I literally wanted to push him down the stairs! I kept screaming at him to f*ck off and go for a cigarette....I just needed 5 mins to calm down, but he kept pushing it, asking why I took over and what was wrong (I didn't bloody know! I'd just turned into physco woman), he eventually went outside, and all was fine wen he got bk.

But now for no reason it's happened again.....I was filling out paper work for tax credits and it confused me (I'm usually quite smart!) I started to worry about how long they'd take to process, as we can't afford Febs rent if it wasn't sorted by then. I find it hard as he has nothing to do with money, I pay all bills, and food shopping etc.....which majorly stresses me out. When I was panicing he just said 'if you honestly thought it would be that simple your more naive and stupid than I'd realised'.

It was not the best thing for him to say at the best of times.....I ended up half pushing, half throwing the coffee table across the room and became a jibbering wreck. How am I meant to sort out paying all the bills, chasing housing ppl for money, and also try and get my head round having an induction on Monday.

It's all just too much. I even said to him I'm not sure if we've made the right decision.....(I regret saying it now, as I love my baby) I just don't want to spend my life working out how to pay the bills. He just stared at me.

Anyway....he's now talking about going back to his Mums for the evening as we clearly need time apart.

Sorry for the long rant ladies, I'm soooo scared of everything....my hormones are going mental and I don't want my OH leaving me alone, I just need a cuddle.

 

[littledancer]

Oh hon- that sounds like a pretty awful day.

In my humble opinion, it is harder to control our emotions at the moment as everything (annoyance, fear etc.) is heightened by the interplay of hormones.

Having said that, telling you "if you honestly thought it would be that simple your more naive and stupid than I'd realised" was a very bad call on his part. It implies that you are naive and stupid, that would set me off even without the pregnancy-induced-sensitivity.

Perhaps a night apart is okay, but I would definitely sit down with him (when you're calm) and explain that he needs to be a little extra careful with what he says to you at the moment as you are EXTREMELY sensitive due to hormones and that it is very normal for you to fly off the handle over little things.

I think just talking about it when you're calm can go a long way. This way he might be a bit more careful AND you can try to bring some awareness to the situation for yourself as well.

Don't feel too badly, we're all in the same boat (and I'm about to throw everybody overboard for pissing me off lol)

 

[21Rach]

hun im jus like u i jus told my bro if he doesnt stop treating me like a personal maid im gonna smash this glass into his head - not like me at all. go give ur OH a cuddle n once u had a cuddle explain u jus stressed etc, u don't want it turning into a row do ya hun sounds like he really is trying - fair enough if u didnt wanna initiate a cuddle but - at least u'll get one and he won't go xxxxxx

 

[Boomerslady]

Thanks ladies

I'm having to talk to him now, as while I was crying in bed he'd snuck in and put a drink on my bedside table (quite sweet) but as I didn't know I just knocked the damn glass flying and got squash everywhere.

He came to sort it out for me, and apologised for the stupid and naive comment! I apologised for being a crazy hormonal b*tch and all is ok now!

I just don't get, how I can go from being fine, to literally wanting the world to end. It's the most horrible feeling, and having no control makes it worse.

 

[21Rach]

awwww he being a sweetie bless him...x

 

[Snoopy]

*ignore the stuff below! I wrote it before reading your update I still think it's important to point out even you don't know why you react badly....that's what hormones are like*


I'd sit him down when you're calm and explain three major things to him.

First, at the moment you may well react terribly to all sorts of stuff - you don't understand it either, it's all part of pregnancy and it's a reflection on him at all. When this happens and you calm down afterwards you'll always explain it wasn't him (you shouldn't really "need" to apologise as it's not deliberate, but I find I do when it happens just to be polite). Often reassurance it's not about them is more than enough as they don't feel they're being personally had a go at then.

Second, when he says or does something insulting or wrong (like the "stupid" comment), you'll be angry and it's nothing to do with being pregnant. Not everything can be excused away with "hormones" as an answer, and he'd get a similar bad response off anyone, male or female for that.

Finally, if he's not being supportive at this time, particularly as you're facing an induction, then he needs to shape up sharpish in case he becomes a bad role model for LO when he's here. Women put up with far too much trash from some blokes and excuse their behaviour as "just being men." Remind him that if he ever goes through some emotional and physical upheaval you can be just as inconsiderate as he's being.

Can you tell I'm having a bit of a bad day?

 

[Boomerslady]

Thanks Snoopy

He usually is quite supportive, but it's always the money issue that gets between us. He says it stresses him out too, but I don't see how as I'm the one constantly budgeting and stuff!

I've explained to him all along that I don't mean to fly off the handle, and it's never personal something in my brain just takes over. He does understand it to a point, but I guess it's hard for him as all he sees is me losing the plot, wanting to kill him!

I just hope they clear up soon after LO is here!

 

[Pinkfly]

hun im jus like u i jus told my bro if he doesnt stop treating me like a personal maid im gonna smash this glass into his head - not like me at all. go give ur OH a cuddle n once u had a cuddle explain u jus stressed etc, u don't want it turning into a row do ya hun sounds like he really is trying - fair enough if u didnt wanna initiate a cuddle but - at least u'll get one and he won't go xxxxxx

Sorry that just really made me laugh...

Aah hun Im like that everyday im nothing short of a hormonal mess one day Im OH best friend the next I want to do the same as 21Rach and smash a glass into his head...

It must be hard for them to put up with but equally they should appreciate how you feel and how you have been feeling for the last 9 months - thats a long time and you have every right to be feeling panicky and fed up...
I am sure he will be thinking the same now for shouting at you and you will make up in no time - Its a hard time for you both - But you need each other on this one xxx

 

[littledancer]

I just don't get, how I can go from being fine, to literally wanting the world to end. It's the most horrible feeling, and having no control makes it worse.

Yup, me too- I can go from 0 to absolute b*tch in 10 seconds flat!

We're like sports cars lol....

 

[Celesse]

I've tried to explain to my OH many times to just let me win, no matter how stupid he may see the argument as and then talk about it later. For some reason he really really wants to win arguments that are fueled by my crazy pregnant brain.

I totally get the whole getting mad at duvet not being hung correctly. I got really angry because he told me the wrong number of cola bottles where left. But instead of dropping it, he wanted to win the fight..... winding me up to the point where I'm screaming and crying.

 

[Pinkfly]

I've tried to explain to my OH many times to just let me win, no matter how stupid he may see the argument as and then talk about it later. For some reason he really really wants to win arguments that are fueled by my crazy pregnant brain.

I totally get the whole getting mad at duvet not being hung correctly. I got really angry because he told me the wrong number of cola bottles where left. But instead of dropping it, he wanted to win the fight..... winding me up to the point where I'm screaming and crying.

Sorry these are really making me laugh out loud at least were not alone, As this is our third my OH kind of just gets it now to shut up and put up but then I do feel guilty after so I go give him a cuddle as Im too stubborn to apologise ... actions speak louder than words hey...xx

 

[Boomerslady]

These are making me giggle too!! I honestly thought I was losing the plot!

My OH makes out like I'm seriously crazy (I'm not I promise!!) and how hormones can't make me THAT insane.

Now i know they can, and I have a damn good reason to scream at him....I just hope the neighbours don't mind!

 

[Celesse]

I'm kinda worried about what will happen when I'm expecting the next baby. This amount of shouting and balling would definitely upset the child!

 

[littledancer]

I know what you mean about 'winning' the argument Celesse- my hubby says some pretty daft things in the middle of a fight just to 'win'...!

 

[alibaba24]

oh no i dont know what to say really i just hope you feel better soon i know we all do silly things in pregnancy the thing with the duvet was a little extreme imo, things like that do annoy me but iv learnt to just stop for a minute and breathe even though i want to go raving like a mad women i know it wont help me or oh big hugs to you all i can suggest is maybe just trying to take a second and think if your being rational or not before you shout or go mad.....(not easy i know)

xxxx

 

[QTPie]

Awwww, you really have been through it (from all your other posts)

Firstly, give yourself a big break... you are pregnant, you are tired, you have SOOOOOOO much on your plate... it isn't a surprise that you freaked out - I would have done the same too

To be honest, by far THE biggest thing that makes me stressy/unreasonable/grumpy is being tired. I truly recommend that you really priorotise, don't sweat the little things (if your OH does delegated tasks wrong, just let it go) and get yourself some sleep (most importantly) and some relaxation time. You will be AMAZED at how much better you feel after a good nights sleep

I am quite a bit of a "control freak" myself - I like things done properly... It is one thing that we need to "let go of" when we have a baby: certainly, for a few weeks/months, we will need to accept "less than perfect" help from others and try not to sweat it. We just cannot do EVERYTHING ourselves and looking after the baby (and ourselves) is THE most important task

Thirdly (and before you go to bed - I hate going to bed after an argument, with unclear air between husband and me), go talk to your husband. Apologise for being volatile and say that you are tired. I know he said some stupid things too, but sometimes it is just worth burrying the hatchet (not in his head ) for the sake of a nice cuddle and going to bed more at peace.

You can do this. You will do this. Get some rest (you will feel so much better) and get the OH back onboard.

Take care

QT

 

[tootsy1987]

Just wanted to send you some huge huge hunny! hormones are a bitch at the best of times and hopefully your OH will remember this before he says anything else like that! Im terrible too with my OH and feel soo bad when ive shouted like a banchee at him but he tends to understand and walks away haha xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Boomerslady]

Thanks ladies.

QT Youre soooo right about me being a control freak! I'd never noticed before, but as soon as we moved into our own place I've gone mad! Everything has to be perfect! I do need to let this go. Especially when the baby is here, I can see myself telling my OH he's doing stuff wrong, which could be detremental to his bonding with the baby.

I'm going to try my hardest to just relax. In terms of sleep though, I'm still getting at least 9 hours a night!! God knows how but I'm sleeping really well.

I should look at a situation and think before I fly off the handle!

I'm a big believer in not going to sleep angry, I think it's very important. We had a chat earlier and all is fine now....luckily we are both very good at forgetting stuff and moving on.

Thanks again for all being so lovely I really don't know what I'd do without you ladies.

 

[suzanne108]

Good job I didn't see this earlier as I am SHIT with advice on men - thats why I'm single!!

Glad everything is OK now! xx

 

[QTPie]

Hope that you are feeling better today

I only know that you are a control freak because I recognise it in myself... . We are lucky enough to have a cleaner come around once a week and husband always laughs because our house looks completely clean (I make sure it is tidy and no messes) BEFORE the cleaner comes around... He also says that he feels that he makes the house messy by just sitting in it . I am not OCD at all, I just know how I like things...

So we both have to work on "letting it go" a bit: for our babies' sakes, our OHs' sakes and our own sanity...

Make some quality "you and OH" time and hope that you can relax during that.... It is a HUGELY emotional time and - even if you do think you are getting enough sleep - you can get "emotionally tired".

Next time something bothers you, take a good few deep breaths and say to yourself "does it REALLY matter?". In the scheme of things it probably doesn't...

Glad you and OH made up. Take care, relax and remember that you always have people here to listen.

QT

Thanks ladies.

QT Youre soooo right about me being a control freak! I'd never noticed before, but as soon as we moved into our own place I've gone mad! Everything has to be perfect! I do need to let this go. Especially when the baby is here, I can see myself telling my OH he's doing stuff wrong, which could be detremental to his bonding with the baby.

I'm going to try my hardest to just relax. In terms of sleep though, I'm still getting at least 9 hours a night!! God knows how but I'm sleeping really well.

I should look at a situation and think before I fly off the handle!

I'm a big believer in not going to sleep angry, I think it's very important. We had a chat earlier and all is fine now....luckily we are both very good at forgetting stuff and moving on.

Thanks again for all being so lovely I really don't know what I'd do without you ladies.