My doctor keeps scaring me..advice please!

[Khearts]

I have had the same doctor for the past few years, a very kind woman who gave me a lot of sympathy and help when I was TTC for the many years we tried. I trusted her completely and let her words bring me peace.

However there has now been 2 instances where she has scared so badly that I couldn't think straight for a week. About 4 months ago she did my HSG test, screwed it up and told me both my ovaries were blocked and I needed surgery. My whole world crashed down on me. I lost every bit of hope of conceiving. 4 hours later she called back and said the technician didn't think the test was right and asked me to come the next day. Everything was fine with my ovaries. Completely. Normal.

Now today, I go in for my dating ultrasound and they only found the gestational sac and yolk sac, indicating I was a week behind in my calculations (5.5-ish weeks is their guess now). So she calls me, leaves me a message saying it may be too soon to see baby or I could be having an impending miscarriage.

WHY would anyone say that to someone who has suffered as much as I have over these past few years? I go to her because she is affordable and I thought she had my best interests at heart but it just seems like she is scaring me into thinking my baby, my very first, will die.

I have been in the same practice group my entire life, from an infant until now. I don't even know how to go about switching practices.

I don't know what to do. After reading around its very common not to see baby or heartbeat this early, but now I have slipped into a depression thinking this is it. Any wise words of advice for a terrified and hopeful mom to be?

 

[tcinks]

I'm sorry you've had such a hard journey. I know it's hard , but it doesn't sound to me like she's trying to scare you, she's just being honest. Doctors are just pretty blunt sometimes. If you feel like she was actually being rude and doesn't have good bedside manner, I'd suggest searching from someone else. Did she say she would have you back for a follow-up scan?

 

[Khearts]

I am going back in a week for a follow up. Since I have read so many posts saying it's just too early to see baby I am trying to remain hopeful until then. I honestly thought I was about 5 weeks anyway, since I had irregular cycles and only ovulated on femara, but she had me convinced I was further along and would likely see baby today. It was disheartening.

 

[tcinks]

I'm sorry. I know how tough those early scans are. That's why some doctors won't even do them that early. Hopefully next week you'll see that tiny baby! Try not to worry, I know it's not easy. It's definitely true that many women don't see baby that early and go back a week later and there he/she is!

 

[Mrs B.]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't think your doctor meant to upset you, but they have to be honest and they aren't going to give you false hope. Also, sometimes test results are wrong and she couldn't have known that when she gave you the initial results. My midwife at 8 weeks reminded me that miscarriage is still a possibility, and this was after we had a good scan at 7w1d. I didn't need to hear it (I know it's true, but with my history I didn't need anyone reminding me) but she didn't mean to cause any harm. I believe that's how they have to be... not alarming you with possible worries and guesswork, but also not giving you false hope. They can only tell you what they know as fact, and emotionally they can never cater to everyone... some women like hope, false or not, and others want to be told the realities. Don't take it to heart

They're correct about the scan... those are the possibilities, but I think you'll find some very positive stories about similar experiences on here. I went in at 5w4d and saw gestational sac and yolk sac but no baby. Went back at 7w1d and everything was good (although I was a few days earlier than I thought). Up to 6w, it's entirely possible not to see the fetal pole, and seeing the yolk sac seems to be a good sign from what I've read. Can you be a week behind in your calculations? Sperm can hang out for up to 5 days (I think) and still be able to fertilise an egg, so it's very easy to get dates slightly wrong. All I can tell you is that I had the same results at the same age ultrasound as you, and went back 2 weeks later to see a nice fetal pole and flashing heartbeat. If you don't have any bleeding then there's a super chance that everything will be ok.

 

[Mrs B.]

I am going back in a week for a follow up. Since I have read so many posts saying it's just too early to see baby I am trying to remain hopeful until then. I honestly thought I was about 5 weeks anyway, since I had irregular cycles and only ovulated on femara, but she had me convinced I was further along and would likely see baby today. It was disheartening.

Docs are terrible at taking irregular cycles into account. They insist on going off your last period. I had the same problem (hence my first ultrasound being before 6 weeks). If your calculations match the ultrasound dating then there's, imo, a very high chance that everything's fine for this stage in the pregnancy. It seems to be very common for ultrasounds before 6 weeks to not show a fetal pole. Many don't even show the yolk sac, so that's a good sign.

 

[teacup]

Your baby is fine. I don't know why they give you a scan at 5.5 weeks as it's a time when you can often not see much or know what the situation is. Is it routine in USA to scan that early?

With my last pregnancy, I had a scan at 6 weeks because I had cramps but all there was was an empty sac. Then a week later at 7 weeks I saw baby's heartbeat. She is a happy healthy toddler now!

Your doctor sounds rude and hopeless to me to suggest you are having a miscarriage when there is no evidence for that at all. You should have a different doctor I think.

Honestly try not to worry, next week you will see a lot more, but if I were you I would wait until 7 weeks for another scan so you know you should see the heartbeat then. xxx

 

[Khearts]

Thank you so, so much ladies for the uplifting words. I guess month after month and year after year with this doctor has begun to get me suspicious of the silliest things. I feel my doctor is kind of uneducated with situations like mine and is trying to wing it. This is a residency program basically, so she is there to teach at this hospital and others.

I'm okay with being a week behind, heck I'm just happy I was able to conceive as I never thought I would after six long years of trying. I just pray every second of every day for a healthy pregnancy. Every time we try to get excited it feels like we take two steps back.

I really appreciate each of your replies. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed for next week and hope I survive the wait!

 

[teacup]

Try to keep busy, that's what helped me when I had that wait. Stay positive, everything will be fine. Xxx

 

[Scout]

I think she sounds like a typical doctor. She's right that either you are too early or it's not viable. With irregular cycles, you're most likely too early. At this point, I wouldn't worry (well, I would bc I'm a worrier) but I don't think there is anything wrong. Seems like they saw what they should see at 5 and a half weeks. Best of luck

 

[Mrs B.]

Right now, everything is as it should be for a healthy pregnancy, so you keep yourself rested and relaxed If you feel that your doc is leaning towards impatience with you, or is not aware of the things she needs to be then see if you can change to a new doc. However, I don't know what it's like in the States, but in the UK we tend to see midwives instead, so you may find you'll be seeing new people anyway. Let us know how the next ultrasound goes. Hopefully you'll get to see the flashing of the heartbeat... it's such a relief when you see it! The anxiety doesn't go, but it does lessen and become more manageable as the days and weeks go by. I know how hard it is to imagine everything's ok after such a long time ttc with no luck.

 

[Ragnhild]

I tend to agree with the other posters here.. I don't think she was being mean but just honest. My midwife also knows my situation but she was actually very blunt about how miscarriage is a real possibility and what to do etc. Infact I even feel like the clinic didn't take me very seriously until I was past 10 weeks, but since then they have been very thorough with everything. It's just part of their job to brief you and prepare you, and it doesn't mean they won't give you the best care. And like the others say, the first trimester is awful, especially if you've dealt with infertility/loss, but try to stay busy and positive, and find solace in the fact that there's nothing you can do (including worry) that will change anything. I decided to focus on the fact that we can at least conceive after this long battle and tried to find happiness just with that. Gl and keep us posted!

 

[3boys]

I would appreciate a doctor that was upfront and honest with me like that. With both my mmc they beat about the bush so much giving me false hope and bringing me back week after week. But it sounds like you are just too early for anything to be seen x

 

[teacup]

I agree that doctors should be frank, but that was just unnecessary because there wasn't anything to suggest that she was having a miscarriage. When I had a similar situation, the doctor just said 'it could still be too early as babies develop at different rates' which is fact, and not giving false hope at all.

 

[xdxxtx]

That's terrible! I understand being a loyal patient, but that's going too far. You've got to put yourself and your baby first. If this doctor doesn't make you feel comfortable, or they scare you, do you trust them with your baby's life????? I know I wouldn't. My practice is amazing, and I wouldn't settle for ANYthing less. They ALL knew my name the first time I walked through the door. They ALL know my story (like the fact that I go from 7cm dilated to a baby in my arms in about 3 seconds). They ALL make me feel comfortable and healthy and awesome. Even when things are scary, they calm me down and try to help me think realistically. I trust them with my life. I trust them with my kids' lives. I trust them COMPLETELY. THAT is what you need in a doctor.

Even if the pregnancy isn't meant to be, you need a great doctor who can be a shoulder to cry on and who will give you resources to help you manage your emotions and call and check in on you to make sure you're coping okay. I know it's scary to make these types of changes, but I wouldn't hesitate if I were in your shoes.