My husband just doesn't understand :(

[kiwilove]

I am super upset with my husband at the moment.
I have been so0o tired that the house work has taken a back burner. MY husband was upset over the fact that I do nothing, and hes right, I dont...but it's because im so damn tired all of the time. I sleep 10 to 12 hours a night with two naps in the day when i can fit them in and still I feel tired. And some might say im tired because im getting too much sleep but it isnt any different when I sleep less. I do keep up with the dishes everyday. Everything else is done once a week at least, so its not as though I do absolutely nothing. I just dont do it as much now. I tried to explain to him that im pregnant and extremely tired but I think he thinks im just 'milking it', I think he believes I shouldnt feel this way until late in the pregnancy with a big belly. He doesnt believe me, and I have a lot of hate towards him right now.

 

[brooklinn]

I know how you feel. OH's mother came over the other day and told me I need to step it up because my house is a mess. She doesn't know about the pregnancy yet, but I still felt like it was uncalled for. Just hang in there, hopefully our energy will be back sooner than later. : )

 

[mod19]

I'm so sorry I'm lucky that I have a very supportive dh so I can't empathize with you. Just wanted to say hang in there. My house is a mess right now too. And laundry? Forget it!

 

[SJDsMommy]

My husband was the same way with my first kid... and some what with my 2nd. He understands this time that our kids are a chore and I do school full time.. I try to do one or two things a day and am really debating getting some paper plates/bowls and plastic ware so I can just not do dishes for a while lol (for the most part, I'd still have to wash sippy cups) I JUST got around to vaccuming for the first time in like 2 weeks lol hubby swept the other day and I was about to mop but my mom showed up and I just couldn't bring myself to do it after that so the floor already needs to be swept again..

Maybe your husband will understand as time goes on. But really, is he not just as capable of doing this stuff as you are?! Some men.. I'm a stay at home mom myself and I can't even do it all by myself! but its a rare day when hubby does help...


As for the kids.. he doesn't take care of them. I can count the number of baths he's given our kids combined on one hand..(and its only if one of them pooped or puked and I'm busy doing something else like cleaning the mes..) same goes for diaper changes.. he never ONCE woke up with either of them in the middle of the night aside from when we were still at the hospital with our first.. He does take part in discipline when necessary but other than that I feel like a single parent.. He works full time as well as doing school so I get that I should be taking on more responsibility while he is gone but he tells me the kids are MY full time job.. but when I tell him full time is only 40 hours, parenting is 24/7 and that he needs to help when he comes home he gets mad.

I really hope this doesn't happen to you! Hang in there! he will get over it eventually! your hormones are going to be all over the place and it is VERY normal to be tired. I WISH I could sleep all day but my body wakes me up way too early and by the time I'm ready to go back to sleep my kids wake up.. and if I do find time for a nap, the kids wake up from theirs soon after I fall asleep.. bring on 2nd trimester lol

 

[Eidson23]

Man, your OHs have some serious balls. I would never give my pregnant wife shit for not doing enough housework. She's the OCD one, and she's the one who stresses about a mess. We both work full time, but my hours are crazy so normally she's the one who takes care of most of the house. However, since she's gotten pregnant, I've been sucking it up and doing the majority of stuff around the house, without complaint and without her even asking. Maybe it's because I'm a woman, but that's just crazy to me.

 

[rosegarden620]

No PP you're not crazy. I agree. I know all people respond differently to pregnancy and to most, they don't REALLY know the energy and effort behind it all....making a baby.

Regardless of that fact, there's a universal language called consideration. My husband works full time at night and goes to school on the weekends and studies his ass off throughout the day, and has always been an AMAZING support system (homework time, bath time, reading time, combing our daughters hair, working two jobs so I was able to graduate from school. To say the LEASR. That was BEFORE we got pregnant. NOW? I have never felt so loved or taken care off. I'm feeling better NOW through all this pregnancy crappy first trimester symptoms and am able to cook again and clean again in small degrees but it's by choice and never by feeling pressured or forced.

It helps if you read with them/to them (people in general) the weekly progress of it all. Sometimes, it really can enlighten ! I read to DH one night that my body was doing the equivalent to a marathon at all times and he STILL brings it up when I tell him how tired and crappy I feel...."you're making a baby sweety." Then he will kiss me and ask me if I need anything.

I'm not trying to brag or say my husband is better than yours, I'm saying you have a right to be upset bc he's not acting supportive or like a good partner right now!

Try reading to him. Lying in bed I'll ask DH, "wanna hear how our baby is doing?" And then I read our weekly info.

Instead of making you feel so bad about how you feel maybe he should pick up a damn broom.

 

[MamaLa]

Omg first trimester I was a zombie. Totally exhausted. It's perfectly normal per my doctor.

 

[mummy2o]

I have to say my OH is pretty supportive. Plus he has OCD so does all the cleaning anyway. He's also done one pregnancy before so he knows the drill. I'm not bitchy this time so he's keeping more of a low profile which is helpful. Just talk to your OH's and explain what is going on with baby and you body wise and explain how hard it is for your body to cope, until 2nd trimester (although it might take some longer)

 

[Mummy to be x]

Your OH should be supporting you right now during your pregnancy, I find it awful when husbands get funny because housework isn't done, so what! Your growing a life! Housework can wait in my opinion.

Could you try and get him a pregnancy book? Or an app for his phone? I got my hubs an app and he read the updates each week and it really helped him to understand. If he ever got pissy with me because I was too tired to clean I'd kick his arse out!

Good luck Hun

 

[skyesmom]

i agree with the previous posters regarding the fact that your OH needs a bit more education about what pregnancy is. if he was sick with fever (or you were), nobody would expect him to go to work or mop around, right? so make it crystal clear that forming another human being with your own body takes a bigger toll than fighting off a plain little fever and that this makes you exhausted.

in my personal opinion, keeping the house clean and tidy is something so effing trivial and unimportant that i can't even truly understand how it could ever become a matter of an argument. this doesn't mean i live in a pighole... just that ehm... no one in my family is entitled as the only responsible for cleaning, we all do it as it comes and also we all take care NOT to leave mess behind... maybe your OH could do with a reminder on this too.

 

[mayacat]

I forget sometimes how lucky I got. My husband gets frustrated by me feeling like crap sometimes but he knows why, so doesn't mention it much any more. We had a talk about it around 7 weeks and he's been a lot more understanding since.

 

[Leo_Mumma]

I had a similar thing with my OH when I was 7 weeks. He told me that "I was only a few weeks pregnant and how bad could it be" and "other people don't have the same problem" Unfortunately for him my hormones were in full swing by then and Im not ashamed to say I went mental at him. Tears the lot lol. Must have been so attractive. Since then he's been a lot better. He even did the dishes the other day. Maybe you need to just tell him how it is. He should be supporting you. You both made that baby and now your the one taking all the pressure. Your pregnant and you don't need it.

 

[_jellybean_]

Hi. So sorry your husband isn't being understanding. Could you call your doctor just to make sure that you are not anemic?

First trimester was EXHAUSTING for me. I remember being able to take four hour naps and then still sleeping 12 hours at night. I was more tired in 1st tri iirc than 3rd tri!

Your dh should be more supportive.

 

[GreyGirl]

I'll admit before I was pregnant the first time, I had no idea why people said they were tired early on in pregnancy, I thought it was at the end as well when you're huge...then I got educated! I found out how developed the baby is at 12 weeks and how much work your body has to do, it's amazing and incredible and exhausting! Most days I walk around work willing my eyes to stay open and sometimes I get home and just sleep.
Housework has been the last thing on my mind for a while now, hubby never complains. He suffers with fatigue (undiagnosed) and doesn't have the energy to help most of the time (he's like a 1st trimester mum all the time!) so our house isn't ideal right now...but we also know it's short-lived and he's understanding of what my body is doing right now.
I hope educating him with exactly what your body is doing will help get some understanding from him.

 

[mod19]

Next time he has a fit about it say "I made a lung today, what have you done lately" and see what he says lol

 

[Leo_Mumma]

haha I remember when my OH was asking me If I really needed the tub if ice cream I was buying. I asked him if he would like to grow our baby instead!

 

[mod19]

The baby wants ice cream! Lol

 

[RebeccaR19]

I understand completely how you feel. It is normal first trimester fatigue. I hate it with a passion. My husband was clueless during the first trimester in my first pregnancy. He kept telling me that I was so tired because I was sleeping too much. He didn't get it and I understood that. So, I took him to my appointment with me to have the doctor explain to him that it was my body and not me. But even then he figured that sleeping extra would only make me extra tired. To make matters worse, my own mother was saying that you need to push through it and not sleep extra. I was so angry at everyone.
This time I tried pushing through it and it was no use. For me, "pushing through it" only makes me irritable and still exhausted. Sleeping helps more than that. My husband has been completely understanding this time around, though. Because he sees the change between first trimester and second trimester fatigue. And he understands that it is a passing thing that I can't control. But it took going through it the first time for him to get it. Besides, as soon as my fatigue was gone, the house started getting clean because the feeling of having fatigue gone makes you feel even more energetic when you are just normal again.
I wish there was a crash course for husbands on pregnancy. All a husband needs to be is supportive. That's it. You might even want to sit down with your husband and explain that this fatigue is like nothing you've had before and that you've tried to push through it and it doesn't do any good.
But I also express clearly to everyone I know that I hate first trimester fatigue because I am tired regardless of how much I sleep and I feel useless. And I don't like that feeling.
Others have expressed their husbands got better with each pregnancy. I envy the women whose husbands get it from the start because those men are rare. And it doesn't mean your husband is a bad man just because he doesn't get it right now. He's just clueless for the time being.

 

[mrskcbrown]

I am super upset with my husband at the moment.
I have been so0o tired that the house work has taken a back burner. MY husband was upset over the fact that I do nothing, and hes right, I dont...but it's because im so damn tired all of the time. I sleep 10 to 12 hours a night with two naps in the day when i can fit them in and still I feel tired. And some might say im tired because im getting too much sleep but it isnt any different when I sleep less. I do keep up with the dishes everyday. Everything else is done once a week at least, so its not as though I do absolutely nothing. I just dont do it as much now. I tried to explain to him that im pregnant and extremely tired but I think he thinks im just 'milking it', I think he believes I shouldnt feel this way until late in the pregnancy with a big belly. He doesnt believe me, and I have a lot of hate towards him right now.

Sorry to hear this. My hubby is super supportive. Question: Why doesnt your husband do the housework or at least help out with it?? Its not a womans job to keep the house clean. You all are a team. Have the DR explain to him what is going on with your body and emotions so that he gets a clearer understanding. GL

 

[Kellya009]

Sorry he's not supporting you. I would he upfront with him, and tell him he needs to step it up for the next few weeks until it gets better in 2nd tri. It's His baby you're growing. And his house, so he can help out. If he doesn't want to then tell him you're hiring a cleaning service once a week.