My mother

[shyfly]

My mother who I am not that fond of is coming here for the delivery of our new baby. I think she wants to be in the delivery room I on the other hand do not want her there! Is there an easy way to tell her she can't attend the birth? Also, she is bringing her new husband and my grandma with her. I think they plan on staying with us but we have no extra room and I don't plan on kicking my dd out of her room while they are here. How should I go about asking where they are staying and telling them they can't be here?? I swear I am going to go nuts over this!

 

[Jo]

Oh dear what a herd one for you
I'd explain to her that you only want OH in the delivery room with you and that as much as you will love them visiting you will have no room to put them up, plus you need bonding time as a family.
Its a big thing for you to go through and the last thing you need is a house ful of people hun, your mum has been through this and she should understand

Good luck xx

 

[Cat]

I agree with Jo, just be honest. y mum was a little upset when I told her that Idid really want any visitors for the first week while we had some time to get accoustmed to our first born and got lots of rest etc, but she understod, in the end I was to thrilled and wanted to show him off, so Isaid everyone could come and visit straight away.

ake sure however that you and your OH have an agreement on who is and isnt allowed to attend or visit etc, otherwise it can cause really problems, if he invites his family etc without asking you, or says yes to people when you have already told them no. Make sure he understands that its your call on who you feel up to seeing. The most important thing is that your comfortable, you have the people around you that you need for the birth and thet you get plenty of rest and family time after, not having to put up family etc.

 

[Imi]

Ohhh hun how aqward for you!!

But i have to say i agree with both cat & jo ... The birth of a baby is a special moment, some people sometimes don't apreciate that!! ... if you just want you and your OH then tell them straight thats exactly whats going to happen! (In the nicest way possible)

And as for staying with you just tell them that you have no room and it is important for you to have the space and time together alone as a family.

Hope you get this dilema sorted ASAP and try not to get to wound up hun, Remember your blood pressure!!!

xxx

 

[Helen]

That's a tough one. I'd try and break it to her gently about the delivery room and say you don't want her to be upset by seeing you in pain and that you'd be conscious of upsetting her and would find it harder to relax.

 

[shyfly]

If my mother was a rational person any of those ideas might work, but she thinks the world revolves around her and everyone in it should bow down. When dd was born, my mom was asked by the nurse to leave the delivery room because she was telling everyone how to do their jobs!! She lives in NM, so I was thinking that maybe I could just call her after I am at the hospital and close to delivery so she won't have time to get here for the birth. Hopefully she doesn't decide to show up early and drive me insane!! We have our birth plan set up so dh and dd are in the room but no one else and I was told that the nurses sometimes ignore the list and allow others in the room. I am so confussed on how to handle this!

 

[Imi]

No the nurse CANNOT ignore the list ... so don't worry, make it abundantly clear that the birth plan is to be followed and nobody BUT the people on the birthing list are allowed in the room... If this is not followed you can make life hell for that hospital!

Just don't tell her that you are in labour? i wouldn't!

Bloody hell hun your in a bit of a muddle here arn't you, must say i don't envy you at all you poor thing!

xxx

 

[Cat]

Imi is right, they have to respect your wishes and if you request it they can make it so she cant come in. Also she may not be able to anyway, at my hospital its hospital policy to not let more than 2 people into the labour ward with you, so your mum woundlt even be allowed if that was the case.

Perhaps dont tell her your in labour and just tell her after the birth!! If she moans just say you had other things think about at the time!!!

 

[hypnorm]

the last thing i'd want is my mum looking at my bits whilst in pain!!
I asked my mum if she was expecting to be at the birth with Ewan, and she said 'god ..no' thats you and your Hubbys moment, i don't want to be there in the way! she said no i'll be happy enough to see him when you come home or in the hospital!

My hubby was in charge of visitors and was very strict that if i was to tired or not up to it he would say no sorry, we will let you know when you can come round.

I would tell them they (if they are - welcome to come but will need to find a b&b or hotel - as you will have enough to cope with - without 10000 mouths to sort!) or if they insist on staying make sure you put them to use - doing washing house work and cooking!!

Don't envy you - tell the midwives that under no circumstances are they to let any other family in the room!

 

[Yvonne]

If you go into labour (and she's there) then don't tell her, say you are going for a walk with your OH,(when your actually going to the hospital) then when you have had the baby tell her!

god i am so horrible! lol