my OH masturbating...(weird question)

[immie]

I don't know about any of you but i absolutely HATE when my oh masturbates, i'm so bad i check his internet history for pornsites to see if he has done it or not. He does it about once every week or two judging by the history but it just makes me feel like obviously i'm not good enough or that he'd actually choose masturbating over me even though we do have a good sex life, we dtd about 4/5 times a week. I think it's just me, i wish i could be like other women who aren't bothered by it at all.

But i'm so hypocrytical i do do it myself but i know when i do it, it doesn't mean i love him any less or don't think he's good enough in bed. It bothers me so much to the point where i'll be off with him for a couple of days, obviously i don't tell him why though. What is wrong with me, why am i so insecure?!

..and please don't advise me to talk to him about it because that's an awkward conversation i'd rather not have xxx

 

[Beautywithin]

I think when we are pregnant, we can become even more insecure, i know its a awkward conversation to have, but it could get to the point where you end annoyed/angry with him all the time, so i think it would be wise to mention it, as im sure he dont want you to be feeling how you do! (( hugs )) x

 

[winbig82]

You need to get over this hun, its natural for anyone to masturbate and you know this - You do it yourself!! How come your allowed to but hes not? It doesnt mean you arent any good in bed, God id just be glad of the break lol fair enough if he doesnt want sex with you anymore but that clearly isnt a problem so let him have a tug in peace hun xx

 

[lili_angel]

I actually walked into my OH doing it when I went to the toilet & came back. He tried to pretend he was just having a manly scratch under the covers but truth be told I know what he was doing. I didn't say anything at the time but that evening did start up a casual conversation about his view on my 'blossoming body'. I explained how sometimes I felt a bit weird about how my body was changing & he said he actually found me more attractive than ever & loved me more than he thought he could but also was concerned acting on it as he knew how painful my body got sometimes & didn't want to pester me & make it worse.

I am only guessing your OH feels the same & unfortunately with insecurity playing a major role in pregnancy we fall victim to our own pressures about what isn't attractive. I know you don't want to bring it up directly & can understand why but maybe do as I did & bring it up in general convo to get yourself reassurance.

It is a pretty normal part of what a guy does however I am sure if he knew how it makes you feel then he would be more considerate & discreet.

Lots of hugs sweetheart xx

 

[Maidenet]

I can beat this feeling..... I helped my oh Urm.... Releve himself. When he just finished i came over feeling ill and has too run off to be sick. He totally ignored me for a day because apparently he is going to associate being given a hand with me being sick!
I have always felt a bit odd over him masterbating alone, its worse now but that's because of a few body issues lol xxx

 

[GemmaLeanne]

well my sex drive has plummetted (did during first and third trimester last time, OH was loving DTD around my due date but it was only because i was trying every trick in the book to get my baby out! lol)

so i quite welcome the idea myself.. means i have longer to just sleep and be sick (TMI lol) without having to worry about him feeling disowned (although he really is quite understanding!)

theres going to come a time just after the birth when you physically cant have sex for a few weeks because your sore down below, may have stitches too (i was lucky and got away with just superficial grazing).. so wouldnt you prefer him to be doing it with his hand rather than another woman?

maybe try talking to him about how you feel. i hope you sort things soon hun

 

[sjwebb]

Hun I feel the exact same way as you. I don't think or know if my husband actually masturbates or not though...I've never had any reasons or anything to think he does. I think when women masturbate its not as sexual cause I know that I don't fantasize about other men while doing it, but I think it bothers that our men might be thinking about other women while they do it. Girls just have a different thought process. Haha. And pregnancy definitely doesn't help.

 

[Kita]

Doesnt bother me when OH does it. Sometimes I like to watch lol! Thing with my OH is he is almost addicted to that feeling and wants sex ALOT and I dont always feel the same. He often admits to getting himself off just to avoid"bothering" me for some ya know? The thought crosses my mind like what if he is thinking of others, but he assured me he is purely concentrating on the feeling. I have to trust that and theres not much I can do if he is thinking about others.. At least he isnt with those others ya know?

 

[luckybreak]

I hate it!! I certanly don't do it and I dont want him to do it either....but I know he has his urges I dont want him watching porn, I dont allow that thing in my house which is why I blocked it but I know he has his needs, We as women know when our men are getting that "itch" I dont want to DtD but I can still be loving and offer a "massage" lol and then let him take it from there and I watch he likes that because he is not "hiding it" from me and I like it because we both enjoy it and everybody is happy. My first marriage ended because my husband got addicted to porn it was so bad it destroyed our marriage and both things went hand and hand per say...so when I got together with my new hubby first thing I said to him I dont want this and that on this relationship I am telling you now so that we can both walk away right now with no deep feelings involved...and it has worked out just fine! communication and willingness to try something you never tried before goes a long way, just remember he has needs and remember your needs and work together to create a plan that will keep both of you happy and not mad at each other

 

[sunbaby777]

LMAO. It is totally healthy to do it. My OH and I have been married for over 17 years, and we talk about it openly. I guess we make more of a joke out of it. I just don't allow him to use porn. No internet, magazines, or videos (unless we watch them together). It feels like cheating when he looks at other women, so I don't allow that stuff - but otherwise, it's ok with me. I wouldn't take it personally if I were you. All men (and most women) masturbate.

 

[mybbyboo]

i feel like that too. at the moment im not allowed to have sex so OH is always jacking off it bugs me alot. but i mean guys just are horney i guess i dont think its anythign with them not being attracked to us. there just boys

 

[Crownjewelz]

Masturbating is such a natural healthy thing for both men & woman. It doesn't bother me at all that my OH does it. I actually assist a lot of the time. He knows I not a fan of porn at all so he makes sure and hides all of his history on our computer b/c he knows if I find it I will be upset. I know he still watches it but is at least respectful enough to cover his tracks. being pregnant doesn't make it easy on your OH especially when your not feeling up to it. Men are sexual creatures and have needs in that department. I would figure out a way for your to come to terms with it so this wont keep you from loosing sleep. HUGS!

 

[Mon_n_john]

It doesn't bug me at all. We have sex plenty and masturbation is totally normal and healthy so if he wants to, let him have at it lol! As long as he is taking care of your needs of course.

 

[StephanieB]

I don't feel bad about my OH doing it...we both do it...sometimes we tell each other, sometimes we don't...It has nothing to do with you, trust me. I used to feel the same way, but I got over it. It's not an issue in our relationship. AND one to two times a week is NOT often AT ALL!!! lol Not trying to sound insensitive but you gotta get over it...he's always going to do it, even if he is (which he probably is) completely satisfied in the bedroom. And I know you don't want to have the talk but he may be able to reassure you more than we can. Also, just think about it, I don't know one person who would rather masturbate than have sex, and if he was one of them, you guys wouldn't be doing it 4-5 times a week!

 

[RoseyCheeks]

I knew my oh did/does it a long time ago i had bf's that did it before so figured it is just a man thing! But I got upset a while ago when I caught him looking a pornagraphic websites- I pretended I hadn't seen anything which was worse because it then came up whilst we were having an argument one time! When we'd both calmed down I asked if he found me unattractive and he said that wasn't the case at all just that men sometimes need a bit of "help" sometimes when they have the "urge" lol so just to look at a female body part!! that doesn't bother me, after all I love men's body parts lol and I don't mind looking at them haha!! I think what bothered me was the idea of these "dirty" chartrooms but he swore (and I checked the history on the pc- he got wise to that) he hasn't and wouldn't do that, there has to be trust somewhere and I don't mind him doing it at all if it means it will stop him straying..!

 

[eulmh82]

I can beat this feeling..... I helped my oh Urm.... Releve himself. When he just finished i came over feeling ill and has too run off to be sick. He totally ignored me for a day because apparently he is going to associate being given a hand with me being sick!
I have always felt a bit odd over him masterbating alone, its worse now but that's because of a few body issues lol xxx

Sorry but the first bit made me laugh

It used to bother me loads with my ex - really upset me. My husband is nowhere near as bad as my ex was and we have a rule that as long as he doesn;t do it when I'm aroudn then I'm ok with it. If you're doing it 4-5 times a week it's obviously not that you aren't satisfying him.
Can you not speak to him about feeling insecure about your changing body...?

 

[brittanymc]

It doesnt bother me at all.I dont do it,its not really my thing lol But he does and we just dont talk about it.Men are simple beings and they basically only need food and sex lol So if he doesnt do it all day everyday I dont think its that big of a deal.It gives me a break

 

[beatnick]

i know how you feel.

however... we must remember that for men its very separate to having sex.

although i find the thought of him getting off over the image of another womans vagina quite horrifying.

logic.... use your logic not your emotions!!!!

 

[Sew_Sweet]

Wish my husband would take this up - maybe he'd leave me alone a bit more as I am NOT in the mood lately.

But really - I asked him once if he ever did out of curiosity because I had never caught him or anything. He insisted "no" which I call bullshit on. I mean really - who doesn't? I sure do. Porn doesn't bother me either - in fact I sometimes like it myself. So I guess my opinion is totally off par with the rest here. I guess I don't see what the big deal is. At least he isn't out sleeping with another woman. That'd be something to worry about. Don't sweat the small stuff you know? Masturbation means nothing. It says nothing about you or him - it just is what it is.

Sorry to tell you but if does bother you that much then you probably should talk to him about it. He is the only one that can truly put your mind at ease about it. It's all in how it is presented though. You can't say - OMG why are you masturbating? It's so gross and I won't have it in my home! - because then he feels ashamed an guilty and you have a huge fight for nothing really. You'd have to say - hey I've been feeling a little lonely lately and was a little worried that maybe you weren't as attracted to me now that i'm pregnant (yeah play on the sympathy). Is this true? Then wait for his response. Tell him you were worried that since he may have been "satisfying" himself that there was a reason for it? Or if you should be worried about anything. He might be a little embarassed but he will also be quick to explain (I would think) that it has nothing to do with you at all. And he might start giving you that extra attention instead! Just let him know you are "THERE" for him when he needs you - if that's what you want. Drive the point home with a big smooch. Good luck!

 

[amotherslove]

i would be concerned if my man didnt masturbate.. now don't get me wrong.. it's awkward to walk in on him watching porn.. and i prefer he do it when i'm not around.. simply because i have a jealous streak.. but i in no way believe that i have the right to tell him to not look at porn.. i watch porn. regularly. not EVERY night.. but sometimes if i'm in the mood i watch it three or four times a day. whether i am in or not in a relationship at the time, self love feels different. sex is about intimacy and love and pleasing each other.. self love is about you, only you, what makes you feel good and simply put, it's about orgasm which for some people (including myself) is stronger and more powerful if done on your own. i would suggest talking to your OH about it.. or maybe even exploring it yourself.. masturbation is natural and it should make you feel good, not dirty