My rant about family.

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by feedindy, Jun 2, 2011.

  1. feedindy

    feedindy Well-Known Member

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    I just wanted to get mine off my chest.

    So DH and I had a plan that we would spend the first week at home with just us and the baby and no visitors. In fact we also decided not to schedule any people to come visit until after we feel comfortable. We are first time parents, so we want to be able to adjust and bond with the baby, and we will have a lot to learn in the first week alone. So here is my vent... apparently family and friends are planning to visit us within the first week without even asking us. We heard that 2 family members happen to be in town on our due date and are planning to see the new baby, but they haven't said anything to us. Then friends are emailing my saying they will be in town the week we are due and will be visiting the baby. I never invited them, in fact I was open and honest saying that we didn't want any visitors for a while and then they still email this. WTF. Now my in-laws have stated they they might be at the hospital or waiting on our doorstep for us as we get home. I told them that we weren't wanting any hospital visitors and we will call as soon as we get settled in a bit to have them over. Since when is it polite to just invite your self over someone's house? At least Dh and I are on the same page thank goodness, and he will be making sure his side of the family is covered.

    Then there's my family. Never in the past 5 years that I have been married and in this house have they ever wanted to visit (they are only 30 min away). In fact I was always talked about as being weird because they all had families and hubby and I liked travelling and didn't even speak about starting a family. They would say "something is wrong with me". They frequently go on picnics and shopping not 5 min away from me, and I always used to say "please stop by for lunch'. But they never were interested. I always tried to make plans with them but I would get from my mom "No I am busy with your sisters. We get together a lot during the week'. Yeah that's really nice. I don't get calls or emails ever, not even on my birthday. I got very rude comments when I announced I was expecting (about my baby just being an accident, or oh it's about time because I was so weird), and after that and then pretty much them not giving a crap, I just decided they aren't worth the stress and I am going to start limiting my interaction with them to perhaps just major holidays like Xmas, Thanksgiving, etc...

    But now all of the sudden 3 weeks before my due date, I get calls and emails saying they can't wait to visit after the baby. I am just so pissed because they never cared before and now they are trying to get in good with me just to see my baby. Well too little too late I say. I just needed to vent because this stresses me out. Thanks for reading.
     
  2. lilyanne

    lilyanne Mom & Pregnant with #2

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    :hugs: Families can be a real pain sometimes. My mom is planning on staying with me and DH one week before and after EDD even though I asked her to come after baby was born so we could settle in first :wacko:. Best of luck!
     
  3. Laws2008

    Laws2008 Well-Known Member

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    I know how you feel! WE're first time parents and wanted to spend the first week alone but friends and family were all saying they were going to pop round at some point and we really don't want this!

    Our plan is that when we're at home but don't want visitors, we're going to lock the doors and keep the curtains closed and ignore the door, phone etc.

    We are also going to tell people that we will come to visit them because we want to get out and about with the baby.

    Just remember, it's your baby and it's important that you and your OH bond with the baby, it doesn't matter what grandma or grandad think, they're not the most important thing!!!
     
  4. tweedy

    tweedy Well-Known Member

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    in my experience the 1st few days at home go by in such a blur, i was glad to get the visiting out of the way then we just avoided the doorbell and when my hubbie went back to work after a few days, he put a sign up 'new mum resting'. my mum and sisters would let themselves in, make me a meal, leave shopping, do laundry and dishes and leave me too it, i sometimes didn't even know they were there, me and baby were upstairs sleeping, they fussed over me and not baby. although my mum would always be delighted when i'd ask her to feed baby while i took a long bath etc, so hopefully as i am having her 7th grandchild she'll still want to look after me.

    my hubbies family are harder work, need to be entertained and like to be centre of attention, although they came had a hold of baby then i didn't see them again for ages, so was glad to get it over and done with while i was still on pain meds and on a high from it all.

    how you chose to spend the 1st few weeks at home as a new family should be your choice and if they aren't curtious enough to respect your wishes, i would just ignore them when they come calling, we did with a few of my friends who i hadn't seen in ages and wasn't in the mood for and they got the message.
     
  5. Mummytobe85

    Mummytobe85 Well-Known Member

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    Awwww i think famillies are a funny thing when it comes to babies! i think you should put your foot down and make it clear (from what i read, it seems you've mentioned it a few times)

    I think they just need to respect our wishes as i could see me and DH being bombarded with family and friends! good luck
     
  6. ohbananas

    ohbananas Mom to 1, and awaitin 2!

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    Omg... be happy you have people around that want to come enjoy the baby, put them to work helping you with housework when they get there, they won't come back.
     
  7. BabiNo2

    BabiNo2 Well-Known Member

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    Just tell them straight you don't want visitors. I know this horrible but I plan to leave it good few hours before getting DH to phone round family to let them know baby has arrived as I don't want visitors at the hospital and I know people will just turn up. I'm so happy DH's parents are away for 2 weeks at the moment so hoping baby will arrive before they are back.
     
  8. littleblonde

    littleblonde kacey and sophie

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    and remember you could go at least a week over. A lot of us do. So they may all be gone hehe.
     
  9. Brieanna

    Brieanna Well-Known Member

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    Families! It is your baby and your decision, but good luck making your family understand that, haha! I wanted the same thing but it looks like we are going to have a full house too (learned that a few days ago). Like others have said I am hoping that once they visit and get it over with they will leave us alone. OH only has a little time off work which is the main reason I wanted the first couple of days for only us and then they could come later. I am lucky I actually like all my family and we all get along, so that is not the reason I want us to be alone for a bit. It is a bit selfish of yours to not visit you for so long and call you weird and stuff and then suddenly want to come when you specifically ask them not to.

    I like the suggestion of asking them to help do the housework, cook or bring a meal or things like that so they at least will "earn" their visit. I also like the idea of putting up a sign outside telling people you are asleep or something. Good luck and remember you can always just lock the doors and pull down the curtains. :)
     
  10. snoopymama

    snoopymama Well-Known Member

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    My husband and I are planning the same. This is my first and he wants me to get enough rest and not have to worry about people being in the house all the time. I really hope our families understand. I know if my mom comes to visit she will be helping more than hindering. I hope you can get them to understand your decision without them being nasty with you. Sending you hugs!
     
  11. feedindy

    feedindy Well-Known Member

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    Thanks girls. I love this forum and being able to just get things off my chest.
     

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