My sister in law is pregnant and I'm not

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by Trying4ever, Oct 18, 2008.

  1. Trying4ever

    Trying4ever Well-Known Member

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    Hi,

    I'm new to this forum. I felt I had to write something here as otherwise I fear I will fall into a deep depression.

    My husband and I have been TTC for the last 12 months or so. I'm 30 and he's 35. My MIL keeps asking when she will have her first grandchild. Then my OH's brother got married who is 34 and his wife is 24, (25 next month). They have been married 6 months and she tells me today that she is 6 weeks pregnant.

    I should be happy for her but I am devastated. The worse thing is my BIL would say (even taunt) my husband that as the woman ages her fertility reduces and she will find it difficult to get pregnant (hence why he married a 25 year old?). The worse thing is it's true in my case. I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't fall pregnant!

    I have been going to the GP since May as I knew that my SIL would fall pregnant soon as she is a bored housewife and a number of times she would tell me that she 'had a dream' etc etc.

    Even worse, I live with her. I feel as though I can't live through today....

    The shame...what will my MIL say. What will everyone say? That the elder daughter in law is not fertile and the younger one is.

    Any advice?
     
  2. georgina1985

    georgina1985 Member

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    Hi Hun welcome to thesite.

    Im sorry that your feeling down Im sure your time will come. Try and ignore what others say!!

    Im not sure what to say to make you feel better

    :hug::hug::hug::hug:
     
  3. Sinead

    Sinead Well-Known Member

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    Hi hun

    Are you sure you're not me in disguise????? I have been married to dh for 3 years and we have been ttc for 2 years (just going for tests and seeing a specialist at the mo). My BIL got married July 07 (he's 36 and his wife is 25 I think) and they had their 1st child in August - I sooooo wasn't happy. And all my MIL says it will happen to you next, just relax, all the usual [email protected] people decide to say.

    Just ignore what other people say to you, and try to take one day at a time. Honestly we all have days like this, but some are better than others

    Good luck and loads of babydust to you xxx
     
  4. honey08

    honey08 mum2two boys/2mc

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    :hugs: it happenes to us all,think weve all had plenty of friends/family get pg while were despretlry ttc :( fingers x for ur bfp asap :)
     
  5. starryeye31

    starryeye31 2nd tri ~Its A Boy ~

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    Im sorry hun , dont worry 30 isnt too old , Im 32 and my dh is 43 it took us 4 months to fall pregnant , my step daughter got pregnant the first time she had unprotected sex , right now she is 3 weeks farther along then I am , she knew we were ttc and to be honest if I woudnt have gotten pregnant when I did I would have been furious and very jealous , as it is I was upset because she is 20 but she lives with us and has no job and neither does her boyfriend . good luck hun , your time will come :hug:
     
  6. joeyjo

    joeyjo Mum to 2boys, growing #3

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    I really feel for you, what a difficult situation. You're BIL sounds very insecure. You've been trying a year, so you are still within the normal range for getting pregnant but hopefully your GP will run tests etc. and you'll get some answers.
    Who knows maybe all the pregnancy hormones will prove catching for you!

    Thinking of you and wishing you loads of luck, hoping you get your :bfp: really soon.

    Here's some baby dust for ya! :dust:
     
  7. todteach

    todteach Dreams can come true

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    I'm sorry hun :hugs:
     
  8. trishk

    trishk Guest

    i just turned 24 i had a m/c last year and it took me 15 months to get pregnant again. During which time both my SIL had babies - they didnt drive so i had to bring them to hospital appointments and collect there husbands after the births. i was absolutley devastated but i felt i had to hide it. I helped one of my sil through most of her labour, came home, went back later to collect her husband, when i returned home the witch showed. I cried to my husband for hours. That was on the 16 May and that is also the date in which im pregnant from. Also when me and my husband started trying for our first i was 18 and it took me until i was 20. So the point to my ramble is I know how desperate you can feel ttc but for some of us it just takes that little bit longer but when it does happen it makes it extra special. Im always here if you wanna chat.
     
  9. Trying4ever

    Trying4ever Well-Known Member

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    Thank you so much guys. I just can't stop crying. Maybe I need to let it out of my system. When I told my husband he told me not to worry and that me and her (my SIL)are on different levels so I shouldn't compare myself to her. He said that I am successful and have a career but she hasn't even finished uni. She might not be able to cope with a kid. He said that we will have kids when it is the right time for us and when we have a house and able to bring a child up in this world.

    I just keep blaming myself that I shouldn't have waited this long and what's in a career when you can't have kids?
     
  10. Alexas Mommy

    Alexas Mommy Well-Known Member

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    :hug: just because you have not fallen pregnant over the course of a year doesn't mean you are not fertile! i have a friend who just got pregnant in july, and it took her sixteen months to fall pregnant! good luck hopefully it will happen soon.
     
  11. Chris77

    Chris77 Mommy to PJ and Gavin

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    I'm sorry hun. :hugs: I know how you feel. It'll be your turn soon, hang in there! :hug:
     
  12. trishk

    trishk Guest

    oh hun stop being so hard on yourself your not too old i believe that you are at a perfect age to have children - at least you are bringing a baby into a stable life!!! I had my kids young and sometimes its a struggle financially. It will happen 4 you. Try and cheer up - I know its hard but at least you have a supportive husband behind you! Can you go for a walk to clear your head or watch a funny movie.
     
  13. littlestar

    littlestar Proud Mum to a Little Boy

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    I totally understand how you feel when we started trying BIL's GF was the only one that figured out we were trying and she was our confident for a while then on her birthday she tells us all she is 5 weeks pregnant with a surprise baby.

    BIL is a bit of a show off and was bragging for weeks the dr told him he had super sperm and if they wanted kids to try now. But i had a heart to heart with BIL's GF as she knew we were trying - she confessed she'd taken a break of her pill (which she has always done regularly as they don't do good things to her) and it was a total shock.
    The plus side of it is I become an Auntie for the first time.

    :hug: for sticking though it all though.
     
  14. bebe

    bebe Well-Known Member

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    It;s really hard when you are ttc with no success esp when everyone around you seems to fall pg at the drop of a hat. Have you had any luck wth your GP. I am 36 so I am hoping 30 is not to old! :hugs:
     
  15. Kimberly28

    Kimberly28 HappyMum-2boys1girl <3

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    Awwww...keep your chin up hun! You'll get there!! I read recently about a couple who had been trying for I forget how many years and then suddenly at I wanna say it was 45 she fell pregnant and her and her husband were overjoyed. So it can still happen to you and I don't think you are sterile hunny. I know how you feel thought because my sister who got married last year fell pg after only a couple months of marriage and just had her baby in August. I am happy to be an auntie and I love my nephew but it honestly broke my heart and I felt deeply envious!! :hissy: I know its hard. Hang in there! Is there any way that you and hubby can afford a little vacation?? I've heard lots of women when they go on vacation and actually finally relax and de-stress they fall pg. Maybe it can work for you? Take care of yourself and we're here anytime you wanna talk. By the way some of us actually do utilize the chatroom on this site so feel free to find us there and talk if you ever feel the need to! Take care hun! :hugs:
     
  16. Nathyrra

    Nathyrra Levi's Mammy

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    Oh hun =(

    I feel for you, I really do. I am currently finding myself in a very simular predicament and I'm just angry and bitter all the time. I also have to live with my brother in laws girlfriend which just adds salt to the wounds.

    Sometimes guys arent the best people to talk to, goodness my husband means well but he can't really relate. One thing you will find here in leaps and bounds are women in simular situations with sympathetic ears. Sometimes just knowing you aren't crazy or alone is enough to keep your chin up.

    Maybe it would be best to sit your brother in law down and talk a little about the situation. The last thing you need is someone bragging about it! My mother always tells me that perfection takes a while to cook-that's why I am still having problems with my cycles-cos my future baby is gonna be perfect! So that's the way I'm choosing to look at it right now!

    It isnt easy, but you aren't alone. xoxo
     
  17. rachelle1975

    rachelle1975 And then there were 3!!

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    Hey chick

    Sorry you are feeling so depressed at the moment and i'm sure most of us on here can empathise.

    I know how you feel about the age thing too - the papers are full of stuff about fertility declining with age in women and no mention of there being male factors as such.

    What has your doctor suggested? Any tests etc?

    If the GP won't do anything then you can always have private tests done for blood etc. and also have your hubby sent for an SA.

    When everyone else around you falls effortlessly it's easy to blame yourself chick but it could be nothing or it could be something that is easily fixed.

    Good luck and if anyone starts giving you crap about your fertility then you have my permission to :ninja: them!!

    Big :hug:
     
  18. SJK

    SJK Well-Known Member

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    try not to listen to what people say, they can be cruel without even knowing it, I no how you feel, we were trying for 2 months when my wee bil who is 19 announced his gf was 3 months, bearing in mind they had been 2gether only 6 months, I was devastated, then I got preg in june and had a mmc in aug and now theres is due in 2 weeks, which isnt helping. I know its not their fault but sometime life just isnt fair without sounding like a spoilt child :hugs::hugs: xxx
     
  19. Nicci

    Nicci Active Member

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    welcome to the forum, its a fab place. I am so sorry for your situation hunni, it must be hard, but i am sure you will get you :bfp: very soon, and make fantastic parents :hug:
     
  20. helenbun2005

    helenbun2005 Well-Known Member

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    hi there.

    i felt compelled to respond to this thread - from the other side of the coin.

    Without going into too much detail, my SIL and bro have been trying for a few years to have a little one, but i didnt know this until after my OH and i found out we were expecting. We fell first month of trying - very blessed.

    Then i found out about bro and SIL. They were upset, understandably with me/us - so we gave them space. Then they turned round and congratualted us.

    what im trying to say is that: I felt really guilty about being pregnant.

    I was thrilled obviuously, but i felt guilty and have everything crossed for them this month.

    Just wanted to say that some fall quicker than others, and although that doesnt seem fair, i know, it does happen, and although its hard, please dont blame those that do. We feel guilt too and hope it all happens for you all soon.

    Thanks x x
     

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