My toddler is turning into a bully

[Macmad]

She's going through a stage of pushing other children (ones she knows really well and is friends with) and generally becoming a bully. I tell her off if and when I see her doing it and try to explain that's not nice. Anyone got advice or tips on how to stop this behaviour? I don't want her to lose friends because of it

 

[Millnsy]

Hi mac mad, I've seen you on other parts of the forum, congrats on the birth of your baby! I would say that this is typical toddler behaviour when a new baby arrives. My sweet natured 2 year old was horrible to me for a good few weeks after Eloise was born. Obviously you so need to address the behaviour but my advice is not to make too much of it as its probably attention seeking. Just try and recognise and praise good behaviour and make sure she is still getting plenty of mummy time. And don't worry about losing friends over it. I'm assuming that the children are children of your mummy friends and I'm sure they will understand. If they don't then they aren't worth it. Give it time and I'm sure she will be back to normal soon.

 

[seoj]

Awe hun-- its totally normal behavior (in general for this age). Kids do learn how to socialize by pushing limits and boundaries- to one degree or another. Hope that makes sense. I've seen it plenty with all my friends and their kids (through many stages)- and I know this age, especially 2-3 is the most common for this type of behavior. Whether it's out of playfulness or frustration or anger (like if another kids swips a toy, they might get pushed out of anger etc...). ^^Like above, she might be acting out a bit more right now for attention?

From what I know- and have witnessed and been told by friends- it's typically a stage that will pass in time. With that said- just stay consistent and calm in your reaction. Maybe simply say "we do not push." and redirect to something else. If it's out of anger or frustration- then say "I know your upset (or however you want to help define their feelings), but we do not hit/push other kids.". It will sink in with time and consistency. I know it's frustrating though- I've heard these frustrations a lot...

 

[minkymoo]

She's not a bully!

My LO has been through phases of this (I have done a LOT of research and it's very normal and incredibly common) and I just do a lot of role modelling with sharing and turn taking, and talk about how it feels nice when people give things to her, are kind to her, and how it makes her sad when other's don't share etc and praise her to the hilt when she does a good job with it. I'm very fortunate that one of her little friends lives next door, and her parents are incredibly understanding, so they've done lots of the role modelling and praising too. Perhaps you could speak to one the parents of your LO's friends and ask if they would mind doing some 1:1 sessions until you break this?

It hurts like hell when this happens, I COMPLETELY understand how you feel xx

 

[minkymoo]

Oh, and what Seoj said about understanding that she's cross etc, and that's ok, but she still can't have the **** or bite/push etc and must wait for her turn.

 

[Macmad]

Thanks ladies, I'm sure it's a phase and hope it passes soon. I try to be consistent and also praise good behaviour. I'm sure some of it is attention seeking due to her new brother and I'm trying to spend time with her too. I sometimes feel its all too much and I'm sad I can't give her the attention that she used to get. I'm sure it will get better,I'm just having a 'moment' x

 

[seoj]

We all have those hun... even with only 1 LO I worry she's not getting enough of my time some days. BUT- I remind myself, it's not just about the time, but what we do with it. So long as my LO get's my attention when possible- and we have those fun moments... I'm doing my best. Just as you are doing your best. It's obviously harder the more kids you have to spread yourself out - as we sometimes spread ourselves too thin. I get that. It's a daily struggle to keep things "balanced"- actually, I read something recently that really made sense... so I shouldn't say balanced anymore. LOL.

~Balance is a myth. Parenthood is not a tight rope walk... it's a dance. So find your rythm and go with it...