:( my xbf wants 50/50 custody of our baby ( canada)

[roselady]

Should i print out or screen cap every text message he has sent me? and emails? will those work? His last email seemed very unlike him, like he got someone else to write it for him, he kept referring to the baby as " the child"

 

[roselady]

I also forgot to mention that after he sent me the email, i left my work and took a taxi to his city, 30 minutes away from mine to try to speak to him, mother opened the door and looked nice but then his father came down without a shirt on and slammed the door in my face his sister in law went to the door and looked out the window, saw me there and didnt try to speak to me i felt horrible, all i wanted to do was talk to them face to face. They didn't even want to speak to me

 

[AngelUK]

Yeah I'd fight not to have my kid be in hands of ppl like that! They sound horrible! As for text messages, maybe just don't delete them? And seriously go and see a lawyer. If you cannot afford one maybe there is something like citizens advice over there too?

 

[AveryATL]

Honestly, hon, I would lawyer up. Immediately. And then, I would do exactly what he/she says. PRINT the text-messages for sure (phones can die). Record all conversations, and what happens. Be meticulous.

I can only imagine how betrayed and heartbroken you must feel.

 

[libbylou]

The law is different in every province so it's hard to say, but you NEED to talk to a lawyer. If you are low income you should be able to find a lawyer who can help you without the high fees. I think most lawyers will also do a free consultation so you can tell them your story and find out what to do next
Once you've seen a lawyer, do EXACTLY what they tell you.
I'd suggest recording everything. Print every email, take photos of any bad texts, make a log of any conversations. The more documentation you have in your favour, the better.

I sincerely doubt any court would award 50/50 custody especially since this is an infant that you will be breastfeeding, so I wouldn't worry too much about that.

 

[SAJ]

I don't know about Ontario but when I was going through issues when my son was 2, my lawyer told me because I didn't live with FOB I automatically get full custody of our baby (this doesn't mean FOB couldn't have taken me to court for 50/50 though, he just happened to not do that). Also, I made the mistake of putting his name on the birth certificate (we were still on ok terms when my son was born) but I wouldn't recommend doing this. I have remained the sole decision-maker and guardian of my son, his 'dad' rarely sees him and rarely pays child support. So, in the end he didn't fight for any sort of custody anyway. If you are in a lower income bracket, seek legal aid asap because I heard it can take a while to get an appointment. Then, like the others said, do exactly what the lawyer advises.

 

[Mon_n_john]

You've gotten very good advice here. Keep a log of everything, print all emails, don't put his name on the birth certificate, and avoid all contact with him and his family until the child is born. In the meantime seek the advice of an attorney.

 

[roselady]

Thank you all so much!
I appreciate your advice and I will keep his name of birth certificate, and I have cutt communication

Thank you all.

 

[vampybear]

u need legal advice asap.
u also need to tell them everything about his drinking. in UK, social services would also be a good option as they would want to assess his drinking to see if he is a risk to the child.

culturally, if it were me (and im not trying to generalise) but the culture he is from and it sounds like his parents are very traditional in terms of arranged marriages etc, i would also have in the back of my mind a safety issue- when they have my baby would they run to their home country? not to say they would, but you read it happening so often in the papers, where men have taken their kids back to India, Asia, Iran etc and the mum has no rights in that country and the police cannot track them.

I would use legal and my proposal would be due to his drinking i would offer some contact, but only when supervised by me or my own family members, so they are not alone with the baby until his drinking is sorted and you trust their intentions.

Thats just my opinion (im a social worker cant u tell lol)

 

[babyoneill]

if he is drinking and the police are known to go to his house then no, plus he can only have rights if u put his name on the birth certificate he will have 50/50 rights straight away x

 

[bubbles19]

I wouldn't make any contact with FOB's parents and family as this has nothing to do with them i suggest you get a laywer and seek some legal advice. FOB will not recieve 50/50 custody i'd imagine on the the basis of all that you have said, i say go along with the advice already stated. His family sound like they live in some kinda of dream world with their suggestions, they are completely shocking. x

 

[Maviyildiz]

I would save all those emails and texts, of course, but then I would stop communicating with them entirely until you have a lawyer. Then let all communication go through the lawyer. Anything crazy they say to the lawyer is of course better documented, and it also protects YOU from saying anything to them that could be misconstrued.

I am not sure how it is in Canada, but in the U.S. there are some complicated rules about when emails and texts can be used in court, which is another good reason to let all your communication be through the lawyer.

 

[roselady]

Well Just now he called me saying that : when baby is born he will agree to what i want, which is every weekend or every other weekend, then he said he didn't want to give me full custody, I don't know what that means seeing as how he had just told me that he would agree to what i wanted.

Then he said "you will get maternity pay and help from government" - so i asked what does that mean!!!!? he told me to forget he said that. Basically i think he meant he didn't want to pay child support, he has three jobs so he would have to pay the baby a great deal, till he's 18 years..No?

He also asked for DNA test. My new question is : If he does DNA test, and i didn't put him on bc from birth, does he go on it right away? and after the DNA does that mean he has to pay child support, because of the DNA test?? im so confused. I'm going to ask my boss for help with a lawyer, because he has been thru this himself.

And after DNA test, can i deny child support? or do i have to take it since its for the baby? and since its his responsibility. I just feel like he doesn't want to pay considering his comment. He also wants to give me his sister in laws cribs, and car seats which i do not want, I don't want NEW THINGS, i just perfer to have something thats not going to remind me of his family everytime i see them.

 

[Jaylynne]

I would worry about the custody issue before I worry about child support payments. Honestly, even if you don't need the payments, he should still be responsible to pay. I'd just put that money in LOs college fund or emergency fund. Talk to a lawyer ASAP and get the likelihood of full custody for you.

 

[Charlie_x]

as fair as im aware no judge would ever take a baby away from its mother if she is breastfeeding // a newborn baby sorry im not much help but just wanted to share that with you (im not saying to just breastfeed cause it will stop him getting custody or anything its just the only thing i know lol)

 

[SAJ]

on the child support issue...regardless of how much money you make/get from the government, the judge/lawyer will go by the child support table (guideline) for your province and he will have to pay that amount (based on his income) unless he can prove that paying that much will cause him financial hardship. This can be an issue if he has a job where he makes a lot of tips and doesn't claim them on income tax, or if he gets paid under the table. Google child support guidelines and find your province to get an idea of what he will have to pay. The amount doesn't consider your income or any $ from the government (like child tax benefit and child care supplement, child care subsidies, etc).

 

[no drama mama]

I'm in the US and there is not a judge in this country that's going to give 50/50 custody of an infant to anyone, ESPECIALLY if the mother is breastfeeding. Also, with his history it's not likely to happen either. But the best thing you can do is document the crap out of all of this. Try and get dates and times of everything, if you're getting nasty emails or texts, print the emails and do screenshots of the texts. And if you can afford one, get a lawyer or find a discount legal team. Plus you can always call around to lawyers and ask if they ever do pro bono work, tell them your situation and see if they'd be willing to help you for free or at a discounted rate.

 

[Mon_n_john]

In my honest opinion I feel that if he gets even weekend custody of the child his family might try to abduct it and take it to India.

If it were my child I would never let him be alone with the child unless it was court ordered because I would not trust him. If it were me I wouldn't even allow the DNA test unless it was court ordered either. I would basically try to cut him out of my life as soon as possible.

 

[sandilion]

Yeah i agree with cutting them all off... if this were me i would no longer be answering his calls, cut him off!! You will be better off in the long run from the sounds of it. The child is not his number one priority at all!!!!

So sorry you're going through this. Him and his family sound horrible and very selfish and i think you need to act fast and cut them off now.

I would personally not bother chasing up the child support and also i wouldn't let him see the child. I don't like the sound of him at all and especially his family. It doesn't look like they're gonna play nice at all.

 

[Mrs.Ping]

I don't know the laws in canada but him leaving you high and dry is considered abandonment! do not put him on the birth certificate do not talk to him if he e-mail or text copy and document everything do not respond to him at all if he calls donot answer the phone. he has left there for giving up his rights till the baby is born then he has to take you to court to get a DNA test. when dna comes back positive he will have to pay child support weather he see the child or not and he can't have a right to see the child till he take you to court for shared custody! as long as baby breastfeesd baby will be with you. I know it's hard after 7 years to not answer the phone when he calls but you have to be strong. as others have said let all communication go through a lawyer. if he is consistent on bugging you and calling and texting you should file a harassment charge on him this will also count against him in court! good luck sweetie!