nagging at husband

pcsoph2890

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We have been TTC for a year now. I'm 37 he is 32.

I have now begun the process of getting checked out. He knew i was going to the doctors, and they said they did not want to see him at that point as he is registered at another surgery.
I have had the initial cd1-5 blood test, just had the day 19 blood test, had the vaginal swabs.

Now all my tests should be winging its way back to the doctors now. The only thing i tiold him two months ago was that he also had to book an appt at his doctors for him to give his sample.
I'm yet to see him make this appt - as he is "too busy". He was supportive at the beginning when we were talking about me going to the doctors, and interested in what i have to do and what the doctor said about the whole process.

I'm not sure whether he is scared that something might be wrong with him - or the fact he has to "perform" into a container??

I have asked him 4 times now to book his appt, over the past two months and i don't want to appear to be nagging at him, as i don't think that i should have to remind him all the time to do it. But i don't want to have to do all the work just seems that sometimes it is the women who have to do all the work, temps, opks, checking CM - that they are totally oblivious to these things. I don't want to tell him what i have to do as then again it'll be like i'm nagging at him and this will put him off TTC.

Has anyone else had this issue, and how did they resolve it - i am not making an appt for him as this will totally p*** him off and being the stubborn man he is go in the opposite direction and dig his heels in and not do anything at all! But i want him to make the call as he is 32 after all and he has told me how much he wants us to get pregnant!

It's our 1st wedding anniversary next week - so not sure whether to bring it up then as he has a couple of days off work for him to go and speak to his doctor - i'm kinda hoping they tell him that we actually have to have sex during my fertile period on more than a couple of occasions (as i honestly think we do not do it enough) - when i try to instigate things during the right time, he is too tired, sore from training, late off from work.
Plus i want to book a holiday during the fertile period, so that he is away from work & training so that we can give it a good go....

Thats all really!
xx
 
Hi PSCOPH2890,

I can assure you you are not alone here and whilst they probably won't admit it I do think there is a male pride issue here. I had exactly the same problem with my OH. After TTC for one year I explained that we needed to go see the Doctor. He didn't agree, he believed that TTC was a very natural thing and for some couples it just took a little bit longer. He was always happy to try each month, but never wanted to talk about it, he thought I was over obsessed with things and I needed to chill out.

That all changed pretty quickly! I did eventually get him to go for the tests. I can't honestly remember how I managed it, but he did agree to go and unfortunately his results were not great and he had to keep going to do repeat tests. He took this really badly at first, he was upset and embarrassed and I do think that was male pride, as it is a big thing to think that a man is potentially causing a delay in fathering a child. We fell out so much and almost didn't make it to any further appointments

After 18 months were were referred to a specialist and it is then that we discovered that I was showing signs of early menopause and we were told that we needed to act fast! Well something happened in that clinics office that changed him for the better. He apologised to me, he said he should had listened to me all along and was glad that I had kept on at him.

We moved quickly into IVF with ICSI and he was amazing throughout. I think he even enjoyed the challenge of improving his sperm and changes he made really did make a difference to his results. He confided in one friend and they have a little joke about going to hospital to 'give a sample' and sample the latest selection of porn!

Our IVF resulted in a BFP, but sadly ended in miscarriage. That was this week and he continues to be amazing (a changed man!), he was asking lots of questions at the hospital and he's now getting ready to start charting and measuring ovulation with me - he seems almost as obsessed as I am! It makes the whole process so much mote bearable and it has really brought us closer together. There were times at the beginning that I thought we'd split up.

I am sorry that this is such a long post, but I guess what I am trying to say to you is that men seem to start off a bit differently to us women and I think it is a big deal to them, but they have a different way of dealing with things. Please don't be too let down with him and keep giving him a gentle push, once he gets there it will be fine I am sure :hugs: Good luck with everything.

xx
 
You definitely are not alone. Luckily my clinic let me bring a cup home and I was able to bring the sample to them, but had to be within the hour. Ask the clinic if they would allow that. My DH would not go there and provide a sample, so this worked out well for us. Good luck!
 
You are not alone!
It took forever for me to get the right time do have him to a sample. I too was able to give him the cup at home and I rushed it over to the FS within 45 minutes.
He said it was such a weird thing to do.
He too feels that pregnancy will just naturally happen for everyone.
He did not lead on that he may be worried about his sperm count, he seemed ridiculously confident.
And as it turns out, his count is very good.
Regardless, they can be really hard to deal with when their manhood is being measured.
Good luck
:dust: :dust: :dust:
 
We have been TTC for a year now. I'm 37 he is 32.

I have now begun the process of getting checked out. He knew i was going to the doctors, and they said they did not want to see him at that point as he is registered at another surgery.
I have had the initial cd1-5 blood test, just had the day 19 blood test, had the vaginal swabs.

Now all my tests should be winging its way back to the doctors now. The only thing i tiold him two months ago was that he also had to book an appt at his doctors for him to give his sample.
I'm yet to see him make this appt - as he is "too busy". He was supportive at the beginning when we were talking about me going to the doctors, and interested in what i have to do and what the doctor said about the whole process.

I'm not sure whether he is scared that something might be wrong with him - or the fact he has to "perform" into a container??

I have asked him 4 times now to book his appt, over the past two months and i don't want to appear to be nagging at him, as i don't think that i should have to remind him all the time to do it. But i don't want to have to do all the work just seems that sometimes it is the women who have to do all the work, temps, opks, checking CM - that they are totally oblivious to these things. I don't want to tell him what i have to do as then again it'll be like i'm nagging at him and this will put him off TTC.

Has anyone else had this issue, and how did they resolve it - i am not making an appt for him as this will totally p*** him off and being the stubborn man he is go in the opposite direction and dig his heels in and not do anything at all! But i want him to make the call as he is 32 after all and he has told me how much he wants us to get pregnant!

It's our 1st wedding anniversary next week - so not sure whether to bring it up then as he has a couple of days off work for him to go and speak to his doctor - i'm kinda hoping they tell him that we actually have to have sex during my fertile period on more than a couple of occasions (as i honestly think we do not do it enough) - when i try to instigate things during the right time, he is too tired, sore from training, late off from work.
Plus i want to book a holiday during the fertile period, so that he is away from work & training so that we can give it a good go....

Thats all really!
xx
Hi there

You are definitely not alone and reading your post sounds familiar! I have been battling with my DH for nearly a year now. In the beginning I just wanted us to go to Zita west to get a general fertility check up (and to have someone else tell him he needed to reduce his booze, eat better etc, stop with the espressos etc). 2 rows to even get him to go "why can't we just be normal and just try for a while" "most people's kids are conceived when they're drunk" etc. On his sperm they found antisperm antibodies and it was a viscous sample (which he's still in pseudo-denial over). They also said they'd test my AMH as a routine check, expecting it to be fine. It unfortunately was not and we were rushed into fertility treatment. If I hadn't pushed on the appointments we wouldn't have known that for a long time, by which point it could be game over for me....

Since then we have fallen out every cycle, 10 of them) re him going over 5 units per week and he has almost been aggressive with me like I'm stopping him having fun. And he's the one who every 5 mins says "I want a baby!". Each IUI he has looked uninterested/been yawning, got the dates wrong on the first IUI to where I was looking for medical couriers to get his sample back to London on the day of ovulation. He hasn't come to more than 2 appointments etc. I think you get the picture. I'm at the end of IVF 1 now and we had a MAJOR row on the day of ER as he started to complain aggressively about the drinking and that this sacrifice was the same as me having a hycosys, a hysteroscopy, a sugical dilation, 3 IUIs using injectables, the daily bloods/scans/injections 2x per day and an ER for ivf. No joke, I nearly left him. He has finally admitted that this was bad to say and is one week into policing his own alcohol intake. I think that this will be as good as it gets.

So in summary, if he ends up being as selfish as my DH then make sure you have great friends and family to support you (I did) which made things bearable. Re getting him to the appointments. Easy. Say all your results are in and the clinic has just called you to ask when he can go in as this is the only thing holding things up. If they can do a weekend appointment, hold that for him and then tell him. I personally wouldnt ring any if this up around your annuversary though.. It may be useful at dome point for someone to explain to him that there is really a c 4 day window of opportunity for your to catch each month and that unfortunately he needs to "suck it up" and get on with it (if you explain it phrase it a little more delicately!).

Often feels like most women on the site have the most fantastic, amazing partners so take comfort in knowing that not everyone is lucky enough to be married to that guy! You are not alone.

Best of luck
J x
 
I'm in the same situation as well. my oh will not go get his sperm tested. He has a 10 year old son and says that he's fine. My dr did a post coital test on me a few weeks ago to test my cm and obviously was able to see his sperm through the microscope the results were that he had viable sperm definately but he also had alot of dead sperm. The dr suggested that we may have to go through an IUI. I had a blood test which confirmed I have slightly low progesterone so now I'm on crinone until i get a bfp. When talking to my other half about all of this he said that an IUI is not natural and that we should be trying to get pregnant the natural way and if it doesn't happen its not meant to be of course I am crushed over this. I dont know if i will be able to get him to go into a "cup" because he is being a too prideful. But my suggestion to you is if your dh doesn't want to go either ask your dr to do a postcoital test that way you will still have a better understanding if his sperm works. good luck
 

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