Name “Stealing”

Discussion in 'Baby Names' started by Babybump87, May 16, 2020.

  1. Babybump87

    Babybump87 Mummy to my three musketeers

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    Bit of background

    My sister had a baby girl via emergency c section in 2012, sadly she passed away 12 days later in the NICU . My sister had a name picked for her at the 20 week scan, and even after my niece was born referred to her as this name.

    Given the news of the doctors about her limited life my sister decided to let her two other young children name her instead given the circumstances. They choose a completey different name from what sister had originally named her .

    Now forward 9 years and my brother and his girl friend want to use that exact name for their baby due later this year

    Would you be upset with this ?
     
    #1 Babybump87, May 16, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2020
  2. HLx

    HLx Mummy to Layla, George & Enzo <3

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    Hi hun, i wouldn't be upset by this, id see this as a really nice gesture, letting the name live on in a way. I think its a nice thing, but everyone is different
     
  3. Bevziibubble

    Bevziibubble Well-Known Member
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    I wouldn't be upset :)
     
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  4. DobbyForever

    DobbyForever First Time Momma

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    I think it would depend on their motivation. If they asked me first before announcing it to people or saying it’s totally decided. If it was truly in her memory or perhaps in memory of someone she had been named for, then I would be touched. But if it’s just because it’s a nice name, I’d see it as insensitive. I’d be upset but not ruin our relationship upset. Also depends on how much I already liked my brother and his gf to begin with ;). It has been nearly a decade, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel some type of way about what happens. But ultimately, their kid and it’s their choice so whatever they decided is only up to them. it’s her decision how she wants to feel/react.
     
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  5. Babybump87

    Babybump87 Mummy to my three musketeers

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    I can see both sides of the coin on this .

    I think the fact they don’t always see eye to eye makes things a bit more awkward !

    Urgh families , why do some things have to cause so much drama!
     
    #5 Babybump87, May 16, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2020
  6. DobbyForever

    DobbyForever First Time Momma

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    Oh dang. With that extra info I’m switching from NAH to bro and gf definitely TA
     
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  7. Babybump87

    Babybump87 Mummy to my three musketeers

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    I think they may have seen sisters view on this and they are changing the middle name!

    Not without a few choice words being said which I think is a shame!
     
  8. DobbyForever

    DobbyForever First Time Momma

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    Hopefully things settle over time.
     
  9. Buffaloed

    Buffaloed Administrator
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    It strikes me as a stunning lack of empathy for your sister and incredibly unfair to the baby that's due. The respectful thing to do is to give the newborn a first name that wasn't a name chosen by your sister, and use one of your sister's names for the middle name. As the child grows up tell her how she got her middle name and perhaps when she has her own children she'll give one of them the name your sister chose. Sorry for butting in.
     
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  10. Babybump87

    Babybump87 Mummy to my three musketeers

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    No thank you for your post !

    I totally agree with everything you said !

    They are dead set on calling the baby the first name but now either a different or no middle name .

    Since the argument they are now referring to the baby as said name which they never done before as if they are proving some kind of point . I dunno

    I find them both very immature and extremely inconsiderate the way the have gone about this
     
  11. love.peace

    love.peace Mama to 4 blessings

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    How does your sister feel?
    I'm so sorry for her loss.

    I had to sit with the question and really think but I do believe I would be incredibly upset by this. Your sister lost her baby. The name she will remember her daughter by. There are so many other names.
    What are your brothers motives? To commemorate his niece? Perhaps he could use it as a middle name then.
     
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  12. MrsKatie

    MrsKatie Well-Known Member

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    Right, the answer to this comes down to context and motivation, and the relationship between your sister and brother. There are so many millions of names, it is bizarre they have made this their hill to die on. If your sister planned to never have another baby that would change things too but it sounds like that’s not the case.
     
  13. Babybump87

    Babybump87 Mummy to my three musketeers

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    Sister was heartbroken !

    Nothing at all to respect or honour my niece . Just they like the name that’s basically it.

    Sister and her husband would like to have more kids but it’s just not happened yet and obviously wants to use that name !

    Yeah they went toe to toe over this! But brother has backed down slightly and dropped the middle name but still sticking with the first name, because they had it in mind for their first born but didn’t tell anyone as they had a boy.

    Sister has already said she will still use the name regardless .

    I dunno families. !
     
  14. xMissxZoiex

    xMissxZoiex Leo, Wyatt, Owen & Milo

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    As someone who has lost 3 babies late on I'd be devastated!, to many it would be just a name but its an awful thing to do!.

    If her child had lived would they have still used the name?, I highly doubt it!. To us angel mums its so much more than just a baby name, it becomes almost their entire identity.

    One of my siblings is due a baby boy in October and I am truly worried they'll use on of our little boys' names. I don't think they would but it's playing on my mind.
     
  15. Babybump87

    Babybump87 Mummy to my three musketeers

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    I agree . They would not be using the name today if she was with us,no. .

    So sorry for the loss of your beautiful babies .

    Some people are not as inconsiderate. I would have been ok with it had they spoke to sister first and honoured her memory. Just seems wrong the way they went about it .
     
  16. xMissxZoiex

    xMissxZoiex Leo, Wyatt, Owen & Milo

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    Its totally disrespectful, this is the sort of thing that can drive wedges between people and even tear extended families apart. Do they really think that the poor angel mother is going to want to meet a newborn baby that's called the same thing as her precious angel. I think someone with a little 'authority' in the family should step in and have words.

    <3
     
  17. Babybump87

    Babybump87 Mummy to my three musketeers

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    My dads side of the family are horrified (my parents have been seperated for years and don’t speak now ). My mums side think it’s ok , including my mum, who is of the opinion sister shouldn’t be upset , because she didn’t actually name her that. I feel like banging my head against a brick wall.

    They are still using the name but don’t have a middle name.
     
  18. Kiwiberry

    Kiwiberry Mommy to 3 miracles

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    Did the brother & his gf have the name they're planning to use before they knew about the sisters choice for a girl name?
     
  19. Babybump87

    Babybump87 Mummy to my three musketeers

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    . My niece passed away 2 years before brother and his GF where even together. Everyone in the family knows the situation too.
     
  20. Babybump87

    Babybump87 Mummy to my three musketeers

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    When they said about the name for their first born I dont think sister was that bothered because in the end they had a boy so it sort of become a non issue.

    But now they have the name again but added in sisters original middle name too . So they basically wanted to call their child the exact same name as sister original name for niece the name she was born with.

    None of them can see it from sisters point of view because they are all so inconsiderate and selfish.

    God forbid if anything was to happen to brother and sil Baby which I pray all is fine. There would be murder if one of us was to use that name . They wouldn’t have it at all . But it’s fine for them to use it ! I’m so angry they cant give sister that respect .

    It’s gonna break sisters heart when that little girl is born and all she hears is the name forever . I Couldnt do it.

    But it’s fine to everyone else because sister didn’t use that name. I’m probably gonna say something becuase they have annoyed me so much over it .
     
    #20 Babybump87, Sep 1, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2020

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