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Nearly 4 year old emotions

Mrs Doddy

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I'm a bit worried about my little girl, she has been through a lot recently as the end of my pregnancy with her brother and birth/recovery was hard and she has been at home a lot and behaviour has suffered as a result, it's been hard for me too and I don't feel I've been a great mum to her, I'm desperately trying to make up for it now and trying to spend as much time with her as I can wen I'm not dealing with the baby

She doesn't seem to express her emotions and seems to keep it all bottled up and will not explain why she is upset - she is mote than capable of doing so, she got upset at nursery today when they tried to change trousers which got wet (water) she wouldn't tell them why. I told her to talk to me if she is upset and I will help her she told me that's what the teachers said to her too and then finally it came out why she was upset

I don't know if this is normal or the way she feels she needs to deal with things at the moment , how can I get her to open up a bit ?

She is playing up at bedtime too and I can't get out of her why - she wants me to stay wih her in her room- at 4.30 am this morning I actually had to get into bed with her, cuddling her to sleep (I don't know if that was the right thing to do)
 
I think this is a bit of a tough age emotions wise. My son has been like this since he was around 4.

I would say to just keep telling her that you are there is she wants to talk but don't push her. You could probably work out ways if questioning her which will help her open up more. For instance if you asked my son why he was sad he's say he wasn't but if you asked why he was angry you'd get an answer. He was/is quite black and white and if you put a word in the sentence that he doesn't think is the emotion he is feeling then he'll say he's ok. Does that make sense?
 
It looks like she has some emotions inside and doesn't feel comfortable to take them out. If you say that she was good at it earlier then she should be fine with some extra nurturing. What u r doing sounds great. Try giving her lots of hugs and kisses. She will come close to u once again.... :flower:
 
Eventhough you say she is, I'm not so sure she is capable of telling you how she feels. Even as adults we have a hard time expressing what we actually feel, feelings often gets displaced if we don't know how to diffuse them. It's unfair to expect her to tell you what she's feeling.

Generally speaking kids tend to act out when their needs are not being met. I can't speculate on what those needs are, but you're right it might have to do with feeling distance from you surrounding the birth of the new baby. Just try to up your game with spending time with her and doing activities with her and that should help resolve it.

Also, try to always model expressing feelings. "Mommy is sad because Daddy's coming home late from work today." "I'm happy because I get to have lunch with my favorite 2 kids in the whole world today!" Speak up about your basic feelings and also about how to resolve them.
 
I agree with Palestrina. Even though they seen well able to express themselves by nearly 4, emotions are a huge thing to get a handle on and I very much doubt she can express why she is feeling sad etc really.

3 and 4 yr olds will tend to say either things that they think will make you happy or the first thing that comes into their mind when you ask them what's wrong. This isn't them not expressing their emotions, it's how their brains work. And as Palestrina says even as an adult sometimes it's hard to work out why you're feeling a certain way and to explain that to other people.

And yes, yes to then modelling how people are reacting and feeling.
 

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