Nearly over after a horrific week ... TMI & Very detailed

[Happy happy]

So a week ago today I was waking uo to the realisation of my baby not growing and thriving inside me but being lifeless and wanting to leave my body.
On Thursday I lost ALOT of blood. .I literally could not get off the toilet for half an hour and had to repeatedly flush to clear the blood..it was so scary and I was alone which made it so much worse
When it stopped I cleaned myself up and managed to prepare tea for my family and in laws and thought..at least its over.
How very wrong I was...after a day of bleeding but nothing major I decided to meet my two girlfriends in town to do some shopping. My best friend knows everything but my other friend didnt so I updated her incase I seemed distracted. Within two hours of telling her I was sat in the public toilets losing more blood than Thursday and requiring new tights and underwear. I chose to continue shopping as I felt okay...10 mins later I felt it starting up again, that uncomfortable warmth I told my friends who guided me back to the toilets but we had just got outside the shop (luckily) and there was this huge gush and loads of blood came out all over the floor beneath me infront a crowd of people
it didnt stop so I ended up in hospital with a suspected molar pregnancy. I was nil by mouth all day but was finally allowed breakfast at 10am Sunday as they thought the chances of molar werent zero but very slim so after lunch started me on the medication to get the baby and tissue out..as I hadn't passed anything but blood upto this point.
Three doses later and alot more blood later everyone was getting concerned so I was taken to the treatment room...I told them I felt 'unwell' the next thing I knew I was being woken up as id passed out for the first time in my life. This happened again but they couldn't wake me up.
I was rushed back to my room where my dh was sat (arranging our monopoly board game!!) So he was sent out so they could help me and save my life.
they couldnt even get me to theatre until my breathing was stabelised and the canulors were fitted but this was taking too long as my veins had "dried up". They had no option but to get the baby out manually. It was the scariest 2 hours of my life and all I wanted to do was see my hubby and baby one last time
finally i was stabilised and put on oxygen as the nurses cleaned me uo so my hubby wouldn't be scarred for life!!
thankfully it wasnt a molar pregnancy but they made no bones about how close I came to dying. ..I respected the registrars honesty which she knew.
I was discharged Monday and after staying at my in laws for one night I am now back home with my beautiful family with a whole new appreciation of life and how fortunate I am.
im sorry if this is far too much information or too 'raw' but very few people knew I was pregnant and even less know about my hospital visit so had to offload.
Does anyone find it strange that I dont want counselling or find myself overly affected by any of this. ..im actually starting on prenatals again next week with the intention of trying again around Christmas. Does this seem irresponsible??? I wont take offence to anyones responses xoxo

 

[phoenix1989]

Hi hun i'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone deals with things differently obviously but if i'm honest i think maybe the loss hasnt hit you yet because of the trauma of everything you went through and if you give yourself time then it will register. It's up to you when you TTC again as only you know when you are ready. Sorry for your loss again hun, hope things calm down for you now xx

 

[Happy happy]

Thank you for your response. I think you could be right. .I guess time will tell
Hope youre well and are having a lovely day xoxo

 

[roxannew]

Oh god that sounds horrendous. If it's not bad enough to lose a baby anyway, but then to go through all that....I am so sorry.

I think if you feel ready to try again at Christmas, then go for it. Only you know when it feels right. How is your husband doing? It must have been so hard for him to see you go through that.

 

[hollowmac]

I am so sorry for what u have went thru. I had a D and C on August 2 and we started TTC right away. I cried the first couple of days when I found out there was not a heartbeat at 10 weeks but not anymore after that. I didn't cry the day of the D and C or anything. I miss my baby but I grieved and moved on. I think about my baby everyday but everyone deals differently with trauma like that and if u feel fine then that is great. Some ladies grieve for days or weeks and then others get by quicker. It doesn't mean that it is wrong...everyone is different. Good luck and I will be thinking of u.

 

[Happy happy]

Thank you for your responses.
my husband doesn't really show much emotion which concerns me so we had a talk last night and he said he was so worried about the possibility of losing me he just blocked everything out, which was why he didn't visit me as much as I would've liked or seem excited when I was told I was okay and could go home.
It must be hard for them as they don't know what you are going through physically or mentally so won't know how to relate emotionally. We've both agreed to try again in December as we understand that there was no apparent reason for our loss and know tgat we want a sibling for our beautiful daughter sooner rather than later. Xoxo

 

[dairymomma]

It's true that everyone reacts to a pregnancy loss differently. Even recurrent m/c can affect that same person in different ways. My earlier losses were def harder on me emotionally and mentally than my later losses have been.