Nearly teenager lying

[clarebo9]

Does anyone here have or have had a probem with secondary school aged kids lying and stealing?

My 11 year old son has started lying blatently to our faces over the most silly things and when we find out the truth (which we do every time) he then says he lied because he didnt want to get in to trouble!?! I mean wtf is he thinking? of course if you get caught out lying and stealing you are going to get in trouble so why not just admit it and get it over and done with, it seems to be something new every day and I am just totally drained emotionally. We have a 3 week old baby, and i thought the pregnancy was causing this behaviour but i just dont see it, we give all 4 of our children time with us as and when they want it, I am never too busy to talk or cuddle or help with homework etc.

I just dont know where to turn, any ideas?

 

[mumof2girls]

Oh god I have had all this with my 14 year old step daughter and now im getting it with my 9 year old step son! Its a nightmare isnt it. We have tried everything to stop them doing this as we always catch them out but they seriously never learn, im also at a loss. My step daughter turns 15 next week but the problems with her started at about 11 with stealing especially. Shes stolen all sorts like the usual money but then went on to steal my underwear and make up. We hadnt noticed anything go missing for ages and we starting to trust her again when she stole money I had left on the sofa and when questioned denied it and then 2 days later she put it under the kitchen table and pretended to have found it there...... I hoover under it everyday so I know it wasnt there lol. She also stole the anniversary card I ot my husband and binned it...... she was the only one who knew where I put it but still denies it now! It is draining I agree and I honestly dont know what to do with my own as nothing seems to work. At the moment we take away priviledges such as computer, playstation etc for the night. Sorry if not much help x

 

[Mom23monkies]

OHH MYYY GOODNESSSSS how did you get my son???
MY oldest son will climb a tree to tell a lie as opposed to standing on the ground to tell the truth
He got into a fight at school yesterday which LUCKILY he didn’t get expelled for Instead he had 4 days of detention. To top that off he didn’t bring the note home!!!
instead he left it in his locker and we only found out because the other little boys mother came by to see what was going on (she wasn’t accusing or anything but was concerned) SO we were talking to him (ok I was reading him the riot act for getting into a fight at school)
Well this little boy (10 1/2 years old will be 11 in December) curled his hands and foot up and pretended he couldn’t do ANYTHIGN about it he swears COMPLETLY involuntary) and kept it up for FOURTY FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!
(On top of this I had a miscarriage yesterday morning so I was REALLY not up to having to deal with all this)
So I made an appointment for him to go to the doctor and then gave him just ONE chance to own up before he went to the doctor and figured it out he fessed up and started crying about not wanting to get into trouble.
My son is ADHD and has some issues HOWEVER no one has ever hurt him or subjected the child to cruel and unusual punishments we just wanted to know what the heck was up with him and yes he was getting grounded no two ways about it
He sneaks his toys off to school and he has stolen his brother’s toys and once I caught him with five dollars he SWORE was his but 5 dollars had disappeared from his sisters money bank
So YES I have. Because if his ADHD he sees a psychologist regularly who says that this is a common issue in children of this age and especially in boys.
As for what I am doing about it
He gets grounded a bit no DS no Wii or PS2 no MP3 player and he pulls some extra chores that tend to be a bit unpleasant (like scrubbing the refrigerator out or down)
Chores that take enough time that he REALLY has a chance to think about it
I dont know if that helps at all
but I hope its is comforting to know your not alone

 

[TattiesMum]

Welcome to the beginning of the teen years

It's heartbreaking, incredibly frustrating, exhausting and generally a complete pain in the butt .... but sadly normal

All you can do is punish by grounding, with holding privileges and consistently sticking to your guns I'm afraid. It will get much worse before it gets better - with them challenging you in virtually every area. Personally, with 3 teens at the same time, I found that I needed to prioritise and 'pick my fights' (ie let the small stuff go) or I would have been ranting at one or the other of them every single minute of the day

It WILL get better but not until they are about 17 I'm afraid ... when you have children everyone warns you about the toddler stages but believe me those are a complete picnic compared to the teens

 

[Mom23monkies]

when you have children everyone warns you about the toddler stages but believe me those are a complete picnic compared to the teens

LOL at this point I would LOve to have them be toddlers again Please dont get me wrong I love my son but he CAN be a turkey and I will fully admit it

 

[leeanne]

Sorry to say this, but it's normal behavior at that age. I even did it when I was 11/12....stealing and lying.

My stepdaughter is 13 and before she came to live with us, stole my bras, stole my makeup, cigarettes, etc. And she lies pretty darn good if she's been caught out.

Now she is living with us and just started her first year of high school. Oh, it is going to be a picnic!

 

[SassyLou]

We went along the lines of a much greater punishment if our son lied and was caught out. But went gave much less punishment if he told truth.

eg. 1 or 2 days without game (DS, wii etc.), or grounded etc. if you tell the truth, (we think there has to be some punishment for doing wrong)

1 to 2 week without game or grounded etc. if they continue to lie but you have proof they've done it.

All depends on what they've done. But my best advice is set out what you intend to do tell them the punishment and for how long and stick to it. But don't let it go on too long. If they do something else while the punishment is going on. Give another one but not extend the one they have. eg if you've taken a games machine away, 2nd punishment should maybe be grounding or bed early. If they can't see an end to a punishment they don't see any reason to change their behaviour.

Hope that makes sense, we had so many problems with our now 21 year old, but the above seemed to help. Sorry if it doesn't make sense, in a bit of a rush.

xxxxxx

 

[Ro2212]

Totally normal, sorry! I don't think I've ever met a kid who hasn't lied. Some are worse than others but it is 100% normal. I'd be more worried if they didn't lie to be honest!
The only thing I think you can do is make the punishments harsher if they lie to start with (obviously explain thats what's going to happen). Tell them that if they tell the truth it will be much easier on them, but if they lie they get punished for what they did, AND the lying. Hopefully they get the hang of life being easier when you're honest.