Need a calming technique. . . For myself!

[vmcsherry]

Hi ladies!

I have a 12 week old that cries when I set her down. Sometimes she is happy enough to be in her bouncer chair but I'd say 85% of the time she cries when I have to set her down to do things. I just showered myself and bathed 2yo and she cried when I was half way through my shower, through bathing my 2yo, brushing teeth, putting underwear on, putting breast pads in, putting 2yo nappy on, putting 2yo clothes on, putting my clothes on etc. I tried to soothe her in between but she cried when I left her.

I know babies cry and I can handle that, it's the incessant crying until she is lifted that makes me want to scream. My first baby wasn't like this so I'm finding it hard to cope. There are days I can't do anything and It's really bothering me.

Does anyone have any tips or breathing techniques they could share to stop me from screaming?? I don't want to be a mom that screams, especially at a baby.

 

[Tigerlily01]

Sometimes it helps to just put the baby in the crib and step out on the porch for a minute when the crying is too much. (You can bring your 2yo with you if they need constant supervision.) Just take a second to enjoy the quiet before you dive back in! I totally get wanting to scream and pull your hair out, crying babies can really get under your skin. I'm sure it's biologically programmed or something.

A couple breathing exercises you might try are:

-Inhale through nose for 4 counts, exhale through mouth for 8 counts. (Adjust number of counts to your taste/counting speed if necessary, but exhale twice as long as inhale.) Try to relax your face, jaw, shoulders, all your muscles a little more with each breath. Closing your eyes during this can help too.

-Close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. Focus on air moving in and out of your choice of: nose/mouth, chest, or diaphragm....focus on whichever is most relaxing to you. Do this for ~2 minutes, trying to relax you body as you do so.

-During a time when you are COMPLETELY relaxed (maybe in bed, or when your kids are asleep), put on some soft relaxing music and focus on a place that is happy/relaxing to you. Imagine this place with all of your senses. Imagine what you are doing. Is someone with you (a person, a pet, etc), or are you alone? Imagine that only positive thoughts and feelings can reach you in this place, everything negative rolls away. Give this place a name. When you are stressed during the day, say that name, and imagine yourself there. Or put on the same music you were listening to as you created this place.

-There are other self-hypnosis/meditation techniques you can use too, try youtube or a google search...I learned some from hypnobabies when I was pregnant, but I'm sure there are free relaxation/meditation tracks on the internet somewhere.

Maybe some noise cancelling headphones with some favorite music would be good to have around, too.

I hope something in here helps, but if not I bet you can find something that is a better fit online.

 

[Larkspur]

You say "she cried when I left her"... If she is out of line of sight, maybe that's what's bothering her. Do you have a lightweight bouncer that you could put her in in the bathroom so she can still see you?

 

[Willow01]

I try to keep in sight of my little one when I put her down too as pp said, I notice she looks for me when she is not in my arms and feels more comfortable when she is in her bouncy chair when she can see me. Or if that doesn't work what about a sling?

 

[vmcsherry]

Thanks for the replies ladies. When I'm in the shower or blow drying my hair she is always in front of me I her bouncy chair. I tried the baby bjorn when doing the dishes or vacuuming but she gets in the way. I feel horrible and I usually stop what I'm doing and I have to lift her, even when ironing today. I'll just have to get used to the crying and just use a breathing technique as it is so hard to listen to, especially when the 2 year old decides she wants to cry as well

 

[Larkspur]

I always found repeating the phrase, "She's not giving me a hard time, she's having a hard time" to be helpful. Xx

 

[noon_child]

In my house ironing, vacuuming (and sometimes washing myself) just didnt get done till the weekend when my husband could help out. dont feel like you are alone. You are not doing anything wrong by having a baby who wants reassurance, and it isn't wrong to give that reassurance. It is also not wrong to wish you had one seconds peace, but just keep in mind it won't last forever.

 

[_Meep_]

I know this might sound really horrible and sick, but when my baby was little, I went through a phase of watching child abuse videos on Youtube - children who have died or been seriously injured at the hands of those who should be caring for them.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't scared I would hurt, shake or physically damage her in any way. It was almost a morbid sort of curiosity thing I couldn't control, much like many parents have disturbing intrusive thoughts to begin with, like 'What if I drop the baby?', 'What if I put the baby in the oven?' and so on. Some experts argue that these are actually a protective mechanism as the reality of such situations is so ghastly, it forces you to take extra care.

Anyway, even now, when I feel like I'm losing my cool with her toddler tantrums, remembering certain things I have seen is enough to remind me how precious she is and that NOTHING warrants ANY sort of aggressive behaviour towards her. I have shouted occasionally, but I have stopped myself many more times with those memories in the back of my mind.

I'm not saying you should watch child abuse videos - just wanted to share my experience.

 

[Bebedeux]

Ds was the same. He cried allot. It used to go through me.
He was never happy and content and would never stay in your arms without crying never mind the bouncer.
The older he got the better he got, the jumperoo was a god send.
I know I seem harsh but just take your shower and see to your daughter as long as he's safe and within eye view he'll be fine.
Your doing great it's so hard to see them distressed, but as a friend said to me always get up, shower and get dressed. You need to feel human it's hard going. And one will always have to wait.

 

[RaquelDee]

I always found repeating the phrase, "She's not giving me a hard time, she's having a hard time" to be helpful. Xx

Thanks for posting this, it's great advice. I kept repeating this to myself this afternoon when dealing with my very cranky and upset four month old who wants to drop a nap but isn't quite ready to.

 

[vmcsherry]

I've tried the breathing thing and it has helped so much. It is very hard to listen to her cry but it's getting easier and I don't feel as guilty now. I realised I shouldn't feel guilty for wanted a shower, and yes as long as she is in front of me she is fine.

 

[chipsticks]

I think the best calming technique is to go with the flow...shower, pee, dress all in baby's line of sight..screw the house work until a time that you can do it uninterrupted..and end up mastering the 30 ish mins clean house technique (mine never napped more than 30 mins till after their first birthday)

 

[Linnypops]

Some babies are just desperate to be held, mine was sort of similar but she wanted to be moving all the time as well - exhausting! But plus side I lost a lot of baby weight heh. Anyway, I completely understand, I was riddled with anxiety after a few months of it, I put her in a sling a lot - but as you say it can get in the way - so there were times I just had to put her down in eyesight and get whatever I had to do done. She wasn't harmed, our bond wasn't affected, it rattled my nerves obviously (no one likes to hear their child cry), but we all survived! The main thing which got me through was finding practical solutions - eg. organising life so that I could work around her awake times, I had to let a lot of stuff go - only do the essentials - accept help if others want to help. Good luck x