Need a little advice...

[tashakawaii]

Hello all!

I am from the UK and I have been with my girlfriend now for almost 3 and a half years, but I've known her for about 9. We were best friends in high school.
My brother recently became a new dad back in November of last year, and this past weekend we only just got the chance to meet my little Nephew. It has seemed to have switched something on in my girlfriend's brain. She is now extremely broody and keeps going on about acquiring a donor and having a baby.
I am in no way against the idea at all, I am just finding it difficult understanding how I would come into it. I mean, it would have her genes, and some other guy's...what would I be? I can't help but think I would feel left out and unable to connect to the baby. I have told her I'd rather just adopt a baby who is already in need of parents. But she is quite adamant she wants her own.

I really need some advice with all of this, I fear I am going to be losing sleep over this...

I did originally post this in the 'Introduce Yourself' section, but I thought it more fitting here.

Thank you!

 

[Mafi419]

Tasha, it won't be your girlfriend's and some other person's child, it will be your child. I'm a bio mum so I don't speak from experience, but the first thing I heard my wife say to our son after my labour was "I'm so sorry I said I didn't want to have children. I'm so happy and grateful that your other mother convinced me to make you!" and she loves him so unconditionally that it never crosses our minds that she is not biologically related to him. He actually has some things that we joke he gets from her To be honest I think she connected with the baby quicker than I did and even though I breastfeed him he shows absolutely (almost absolutely, with the exception of the times when he is really sleepy and wants to nurse to sleep) no preference but he totally recognizes both of us as his mommies.
My wife also wanted to adopt, but I really really really wanted to get pregnant and go through everything. I felt it was part of my journey. She never felt that need. Plus, if you're willing to adopt anyway, why are you reluctant to adopt your wife's baby? It's the same for you, it's only different for her (because she really wants to get pregnant, I'm assuming). I hope this helps a bit. The only thing I can say for sure is that I'm absolutely positive that you won't be unable to connect to the baby because it will be your baby as much as if it were biologically yours.

 

[red_head]

I don’t know much about your situation, but if you had the money could maybe you use one of your eggs, and she carry the pregnancy, or use her eggs and you carry the baby? So have ivf? Then both of you would feel equally as bonded?

 

[Tegans Mama]

I'm writing from experience here - I have two children, one who I carried and one who my wife carried. I can honestly say that my bond with dd2 (nonbio) is just as strong as my bond with dd1. As soon as she was born I instantly felt the connection. I did at times feel like people didn't know what to say to me - i.e they'd congratulate my wife and then stumble over words to say to me - but that cleared up as soon as I posted on facebook saying people should feel free to congratulate me too because dd2 was both of ours' baby.
Also, seeing my wife give birth was the most amazing thing. I videoed it, whilst also managing to support her and give her drinks etc between pushes.

 

[whatwillbex]

Just go for it ) best thing we have ever done. Which ever path you choose You will be filled with this unconditional love it won’t matter. I wish you all the happiness on your exciting journey x

 

[WackyMumof2]

I can't relate as I'm not in a same sex relationship but my sister is. She had her children when she was with their father though. But, that aside, my niece and nephew love her girlfriend and she's bonded well with them even though they are not biologically hers. She's more involved and does more for them than my ex BIL. I think you are worrying for something you don't know will happen. But maybe sit down and talk to each other. Life has a funny way of working out and I really believe you will be okay.

 

[noon_child]

You could maybe look in to inducing lactation in yourself. That way you may be able to breastfeed the child, maybe not full time or for long (depending how your body reacts) which might help you feel bonded. Plus it now looks like cells from mothers milk are absorbed by babies while they feed and might actually change their brain!