Need advice from 2nd time mums please

[Lumi]

Hi lovelies,

I'm 9weeks with our second baby (planned), I don't know what's going on with me but I feel so negative about this pregnancy, as soon as I found out about my first I was head over heals in love and so excited!

But ever since I found out about this (very much wanted) baby number 2 I just keep thinking oh god what have I done, what will I do with 2 kids, it's going to be so difficult, son #1 is going to resent me/new baby, it's AWFUL and I feel so guilty thinking like this..

I've spoken to Hubby and he's been so understanding and reassuring, saying I won't feel like this once bub is here and it's just stress because I know the work involved now??

Please tell me I'm not the only one that's felt like this

 

[Chiochick]

I'm on baby number 3 and I felt this way for a bit every time.
It's scary adding another! With the first, you have no idea what's in store and everything is a brand new experience. Now, you know exactly how much work having a baby is on top of the fact that you already have a little one to take care of.
I've been feeling a lot of guilt. Like, this new baby will take away so much attention from my current Littles and they're at the age where they're needing so much attention. I feel unfair to them.
However, lots of moms say that each new baby slides pretty perfectly into the family and I found that to he true with my 2nd as well.
I think you're far from the only one to feel this way.

 

[TTC First]

This is my second pregnancy.

I remember in my first pregnancy we were so excited and there was so much planning. This time it's just like another day, sometimes I forget that I am pregnant.

I think that it makes sense that you are a little more realistic/negative about this pregnancy. You know what the months ahead of you are going to bring. Being PG and having a baby is a lot of work. Along with this your hormones are all over the place.

So I would think that what you are feeling is totally normal for you. As long as you are able to carry on with your life and maintain a healthy pregnancy, all is good. If you find that your feelings and emotions are effecting either one, then I would suggest you talk to someone.

 

[dan-o]

I actually found it easier with two! They entertain and play with one another and keep each other company. Having one always felt a bit lonely!

 

[kit603]

You're not alone hun

We were TTC #1 for 5 and a half years so we were over the moon (although a bit cautious due to previous MCs) from the start and we made lots of plans and talked about the pregnancy all the time. We were TTC this time but I don't think we really expected it to happen so soon (we were expecting a long drawn out process again) so since we've had the BFP even though we're excited there's definitely that sense of 'oh my god, what have we done?!' at times as well. I've been worrying a lot about finances, maternity leave, whether we can have them share a room (if same gender) or if I need to give up my home office etc and i'm also worried about DS because baby is due within a week of his 2nd birthday so I don't want him to feel pushed out. It's going to be really hard as well having one potty training with a newborn and things like that ...

 

[cleckner04]

I actually found it easier with two! They entertain and play with one another and keep each other company. Having one always felt a bit lonely!

This exactly!

I have two of my own and two stepchildren and I felt similar when pregnant the second time. My first is still my 'baby' though and it's hard to grasp but the love just grows and than there's enough love for two and so on if you have more. Include your older in as much as you can. Cuddle both together. Show that the love can be shared all around and things will be fine.

And it really is true that they just slot right in. I can't imagine not having my second daughter. And I know I'll feel the same when this one arrives. But I have those little thoughts even this time of 'what the heck was I thinking'.

 

[TTC First]

I actually found it easier with two! They entertain and play with one another and keep each other company. Having one always felt a bit lonely!

I also can't agree any stronger with this one. I have one bio child and one foster. When you have the one child they want all your attention, when there are two they learn from each other (good and bad) and entertain each other. It is quite entertaining to watch their interactions!

 

[laura11111]

I felt the same way, at the end of my second pregnancy. When I had him, I lost it for about a week. Totally thought I couldn't do it. I think I was traumatized by my first's babyhood. He was a hard baby and a very bad sleeper for a long time. Just know that there are going to be times when you are going to have to let one cry. Choose to be okay with it and do what you can. Something about being busy with a toddler makes the second one easier. Also, you'll know what your doing

 

[workingttc]

I felt the same way with my second pregnancy. We knew we wanted a second, but I was so worried about the impact it would have on my first - would he resent us for taking attention from him, would he not get his needs met, etc. It looks like your age gap will be similar to mine - my boys are 22 months apart. After my second was born, I was super emotional; I felt like my first was hating me and the baby, like I had ruined his life. BUT, that quickly passed and it will for you too. They are the BEST of friends now. Seriously. I don't know what my shy older one would do without his brother sometimes. The first 18 months were really challenging, although each month got easier, because my older one was still so much a baby. But I love our age gap now and it's honestly very easy these days (at 4.6 and 2.9) so it gets better I promise. But it's normal to have mixed feelings, don't worry!

 

[broodymrs]

I've felt this way for pretty much my whole second pregnancy. I do feel more positive now but I definitely still have times when I feel down. My little boy is a proper threenager st the moment and I really do wonder how I'm going to cope. He was also a hard baby and is still a terrible sleeper now 😬

 

[Lumi]

Thank you so much for all your lovely and helpful replies, it's so reassuring to read I'm not alone in feeling this way and things really will happen as they are meant to.

And the gap will be about 22months ☺

 

[babynewbie]

You are definitely not alone! I felt like that on and off throughout my 2nd pregnancy. And now I'm pregnant with #3 I've have had another moment of omg can I actually handle 3 small humans - We're outnumbered! But I know the feeling will pass and this one will just slot right into our family. As will your new baby, you just adjust!

 

[bcos21]

I've felt this way for pretty much my whole second pregnancy. I do feel more positive now but I definitely still have times when I feel down. My little boy is a proper threenager st the moment and I really do wonder how I'm going to cope. He was also a hard baby and is still a terrible sleeper now 😬

This is exactly how I feel. When I got pregnant after my first was born, i had these feelings and then I miscarried so I felt worse. The guilt was awful. Then I got pregnant with this current pregnancy (very much planned, they all have been) and these feelings surfaced again. I Just found out the hospital I will deliver at won't let my son spend the night and we have coslept since he was born 3 years ago, so I am feeling extra emotional right now 😕 hang In there, you aren't alone ❤

 

[Kiwiberry]

You are not the only one Mama!! I felt that way through my entire second pregnancy. I did not even bond with my baby really till after she came home and we started breastfeeding.

All babies are different but here is my experience. I spent some time in the hospital before giving birth to Ava (my 2nd baby), so Riya (my first) was already a little on edge. She has loved her baby sister from the moment we introduced them. Always wanting to see her and give her kisses (its adorable!). She does get a little jealous and gets clingy sometimes, but its not too bad to deal with for us.

The hardest part is protecting my newborn from my toddler who bounces off the walls (other than keeping my house decent). It's a big change, and you will have a huge mix of emotions that you probably won't even understand (I am like that) but it does get easier.