Need advice trying CIO/CC as a last resort :(

[Staceysparkle]

I've always been soooo anti CIO and CC ever since LO was born and for the first few months he would go off for naps on his own or after a feed but around 3/4 months this stopped so I started rocking him to sleep and singing to him but he always cried when I did this. Over the past few months his napping has been getting worse and worse and I'm at my wits end If I rock him and sing to him or shhh him he will really really scream now and arch his back to the point I'm struggling to hold him and he will cry for at least 15 minutes before going to sleep but sometimes it will take over an hour. Its breaking my heart seeing him like this and its not doing either of us any good so today I put him in his crib and sat beside him and kept picking him up and cuddling him (which seemed to make him more upset) and it took over an hour before he cried himself to sleep I've tried rocking, signing, putting him in his pram, lying beside him and this is the only thing I haven't tried. The only way he ever goes off without crying is if we are out and he is in the pram and even then he will have a little cry sometimes. I've been searching online for a solution and read loads of books and posted on here about this several times but I've run out of options and don't know what else to do. Any advice would be much appreciated or anyone that had a similar problem I'd love to hear what worked for you.

 

[patch2006uk]

I don't have any advice, cos my LO is doing just the same it's horrible, isn't it? Everyone says to cuddle-it-out rather than cry-it-out, but he wails just as much in your arms as in his cot, and he actually goes to sleep faster if you leave him to cry for 5. I don't want to be doing it though, so I'll be following this thread for tips

 

[Babushka99]

My lo is sleeping so badly recently, My eyes were so sore this morning I felt like they were bleeding. For nap time she isn't that bad I really let her wind down and then I lie down in my bed with her and she just sleeps. Maybe you could try just lying on your bed with lo and not rock and sing etc because maybe he is confusing it with playtime? or fighting sleep to hear the singing lol. Just lie quietly and pat his back or stroke his hair. Thats what I do with lo and it seems to work.

 

[Mum22GTTC]

I'm actullay sat here in tears about more or less the same situation. My LO is 11 months old & the worst sleeper I have ever heard of.

I have given up trying to get him to sleep - there is nothing I can do, only way to get him to sleep is to BF him to sleep, but even then he fights sleep so bad!! If I'm lucky & he falls asleep, he'll then wake up 20mins later.

I am beyond shattered, I'm at my wits end. I don't want to CIO, but even if I did try it I'm sure it wouldn't work with him even - he would just continue to cry all night, I'm sure of it.

I have tried everything I can think of to try make him sleep for longer & to even take a proper nap in the day but nothing works I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry to gatecrash your thread with a completely unhelpful & whingey response.

Hope your LO settles for you soon

 

[patch2006uk]

My lo is sleeping so badly recently, My eyes were so sore this morning I felt like they were bleeding. For nap time she isn't that bad I really let her wind down and then I lie down in my bed with her and she just sleeps. Maybe you could try just lying on your bed with lo and not rock and sing etc because maybe he is confusing it with playtime? or fighting sleep to hear the singing lol. Just lie quietly and pat his back or stroke his hair. Thats what I do with lo and it seems to work.

I've tried this, and he either cries or rolls over and tried to crawl off/pull my hair/stand up. We had a co-sleeper cot until a month ago, so I slept curled roud LO until then, and it didn't make any difference

 

[Bumpontherun]

Hi ladies, my lo was like this. She used to only sleep on me with her mouth around my boob or not at all. I used to be stranded on the sofa for 3 hrs + in the afternoons! Her nightime sleeping was awful too. In the end I used the sleepsense program (you can google it). Basically you put baby down awake and then stay with them as they fall asleep - this did involve crying but at least I was in the room. Over the days you move further away from the cot each evening til you're just putting them down and leaving. It took only a few days for bedtime to improve but a couple of weeks for naps. It did really work though. My DD is an amazing sleeper now - she naps 2hrs after lunch and 12-13 hrs at night and things have been a lot better since doing sleep training so I probably would recommend it.

 

[Staceysparkle]

Thanks so much for your replies ladies just knowing I'm not the only one going through this helps. This last week I was starting to feel like LO just hated me and that no other baby in the world was like this it didnt help when he nodded off on my friend without a peep yesterday! Its so horrible isn't it all my friend's babies go for naps so easily and I just sit there and want to cry when they just fall asleep in their arms. I've tried lying him down on the bed and lying beside him but he just rolls over and gets upset and starts screaming and does the same in his crib. Thanks bumpontherun I'm off to goode now. Its good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel and one day he will be able to sleep himself

 

[KatieB]

You're not alone sweets DS napped in my arms for 2 hours this afternoon after another unsuccessful attempt at getting him in his cot, he screamed and when I picked him up he fell asleep straightaway I'm also thinking of doing the sleepsense program, have been watching some of Dana Obleman's advice on Youtube, it seems really good x

 

[lisaf]

my guy fights his naps so hard... we put him down and walk away at bedtime, but naps are just not as easy. (I think we get tense about him 'needing' a nap whereas at bedtime, we know he'll go down)
I've resorted to holding his hand down at his side while I rock him to keep his hands from keeping him awake. If he's not super tired its a struggle with the back arching, crying etc. I think its because he KNOWS I'm trying to put him to sleep and is saying 'no' but is just being cranky about it because he's tired... UGH

I'm off to google also.. trouble is I'm back at work so I have to rely on daycare to do the same things.

 

[LuckyD]

Going through the same thing....it sucks!

6 nights ago we started trying PU/PD...it seems to be working ok although it feels very much one step forward, two steps back...

Good luck!

 

[whit.]

Do you swaddle? I know your LO is 6months, but it might be something worth looking into. I've also read that sometimes babies get SO tired they don't sleep. They're just mad at the world pretty much. Which I understand that's kind of an issue, your LO not wanting to sleep. Do you have a routine?

 

[maddog37]

So if he cries harder if you hover and hold him and sing, then maybe he wants to be alone and in a quiet place?

I can get my son to sleep fine but he's one of those babies that just need to be alone to sleep because if I'm there he wants to play. He won't just sleep after being dropped into the crib (unlike what DH wants to believe). We do some calmer stuff like reading or hanging out outside the house to look at trees for 10 minutes before he needs to go for a nap. I kiss him, put him down, pull up his blanket and put his little teddy beside him, put his pacifier in, then stroke his head (forward) and gently rub his chest.

As soon as his eyes start drooping, he turns away and his arms are up around his head, I can and have to walk out and close the door. If I linger, he starts screaming to play. If I don't do the settling a bit for him, he rolls over and plays. Sometimes, especially now that his waketime seems to be changing, I have to go back in a few times to lay him back and calm him down, but this doesn't require crying.

I think every baby needs something different though, so keep adjusting and see what seems to calm him down best. It's hard but sometimes letting them cry for a few minutes is (IMHO) not the same as CIO. If you let him cry, you will learn what his cries mean and which ones mean distress and which ones mean I'm going to fuss a bit while I fall asleep.

 

[membas#1]

Do you swaddle? I know your LO is 6months, but it might be something worth looking into. I've also read that sometimes babies get SO tired they don't sleep. They're just mad at the world pretty much. Which I understand that's kind of an issue, your LO not wanting to sleep. Do you have a routine?

we started re-swaddling our LO this month. she's been off swaddling since around 4 months but i started again about a week or two ago because she's trying to learn how to get on all fours and trying to figure out crawling and so she does this all night in her sleep and will wake herself up crying, won't settle etc...so out came the swaddle blanket. most nights i nurse her and then put her in her cosleeper crib half awake and she just stares at me and then turns her head to go to sleep--if she wasn't swaddled though she'd start to turn over and get on all fours and get frustrated. hope you all get some sleep soon.

 

[Natsku]

been going through the same thing with Maria - rocking her to sleep but she would scream and fight it til she would eventually fall asleep. Been doing PU/PD now for a bit over a week and though bedtime is still hard (mainly cos she wants to play for about an hour after being put down) it does seems to be slowly improving. I don't actually do much picking up as it seems to disturb her more, instead I do shh pat or just talk to her to let her know I'm with her and she's not alone.

 

[feedindy]

I usually don't comment on these types of threads, because it can be a controversial topic and I don't like heated debates to get started. But I thought I'll be brave and share my story. Well for my LO's first 2 months, it was hell getting her to sleep. Nighttime came and it was horrendous. It would be 4 hours at least of her screaming while I was doing everything I could to soothe her. Everyone had a suggestion of what I needed to try, but I tried all of them. My LO hated swaddling and the sling. She didn't like her swing or vibrating chair. She wouldn't take a pacifier or nurse to sleep. White noise things and light shows didn't work. I could go on and on but I would try everything. She was full, dry diapered, and burped. Trying to soothe her by carrying her or rocking her for hours and hours were making me cry every night. Seeing her screaming was heartbreaking, and I was going insane.I'd feed her and feed her but even that didn't work.

Well one night I fed her good, and cuddled her until she started her usual screaming. I told her I loved her and placed her in her crib and stroked her head. I stood outside her bedroom door in tears myself praying this night would be better for her. I just sat there peeking at her from the door, heartbroken and listening to her cry while feeling like I was a shit mother. She cried for an agonizing 43 minutes before she went down. 43 minutes as opposed to 4+ hours when I tried to do it.

The next 2 nights I put her down for bed, and it was 20 minutes of crying. Days 4-7 it was 10 minutes. A week after I tried letting her cry in her crib, she never cried again at night. Since then, out routine is bath, feed and then put her in bed. She happily babbles to herself now for about 30 minutes and then drifts off. She now knows how to soothe herself to sleep for naps 3x per day also, and falls asleep 3-5 minutes after I put her in her crib during the day, no crying at all.

I know most people on BNB are very anti CIO, and would never do what I did, but I am glad I did it that week, because it has improved my LO's bedtime. Most people who do CIO, are doing it as a last resort, as you said. Moms who let they babies CIO are usually absolutely heartbroken that they need to try this, and they get snubbed like they are shit moms. I hate when people use the term "neglect" and "abuse" to decribe moms who use CIO.

That being said, I just wanted to say please only do what you feel is right for you and your LO. Don't feel pressured to try CIO and also don't be pressured to not try it if you feel you want to. I hope you have better luck putting your LO down to sleep.

 

[LPF]

Evan was very similar, he would not falls asleep on his own and would writhe, scream for hours just to have a 20 min nap in my arms. I used to spend all day getting him to nap. It got ridiculous.

But he was too overstimulated by me. It was fine when he was younger but after 4/5 months it was too much, he needed to wind down etc.

We started a prenap routine and still use it now - few mins of Thomas on my lap to wind down, into the nursery (very dark), White noise on, short story, into sleeping bag while I sing twinkle twinkle then I leave him in the cot and leave the room.

Sometimes he cried after a bit or straight away - I listen. If it's hysterical constant crying then I'd go in and put my hand on his chest and shush and leave once he was calm. If it's intermittent grumblings I leave him to it as it's his way of winding down.

Now he sleeps 2 x 1.5hrs a day and it makes a huge difference. He was not a happy baby screaming on me on day!!

 

[hayleyet]

I'm sure you have as you said you've tried everything but have you tried shush pat? You can find it on google. I use this with my LO and it sorted us out. My friends baby is an awful sleeper, she tried shush pat and the first night it took 45minutes but it gradually decreased everyday and now she settles him in around 15min for daytime naps and evening. It's really tough I know, maybe you could post in the toddler section as I'm sure there will be some mums in there that have used CC, I'm anti CC at the moment but I've managed to sort out our sleep issues, there are lots of things I used to frown upon and ended up doing so I try to be open minded. I find now that I can't let LO get over tired for naps or he has a meltdown and only sleeps on me after a screaming fit, he can only cope with 2hours of waking so I keep a log through the day of when he woke up, OH thinks I'm mental as I have naps stored ony phone but it's easy to forget otherwise. Good luck with it xxxx

 

[Rockell8788]

Ds was a nightmare to get to sleep he would scream no matter what we did and we tried everything to soothe him. In the end at 5 and half months i put after 2 hours of screaming at everything left the room for 10 minutes and shut myself in the kitchen to escape went back and he was asleep. All he wanted was to be left alone to fall asleep.

Now every nap or bedtime I take him to our room feed him sing a few songs if he's not quiet tired yet put him down give him a kiss and walk out. he will sort of whinge for a few minutes and fall asleep or I can hear him cooing and playing before he falls asleep. If he ever start actual crying for more than a minute or Starts screaming hysterically I will go in and give him a cuddle till he stops then put him down again.
He is usually alseep withing 5-10mins and I rarely have to go in only IF he's decided to do gymnastics and bump his head on the cot bars

 

[Jem88]

Have you tired PU/PD? My Lo is a terrible napper, and now her nights are getting worse. I've been reading alot on the babywhisper forums about sleep and how to get into a routine and it's simlar to what LPF and Rockell8788 do with their LOs, you let LO wind down before the nap. It says 20mins before you want LO to sleep, take them into there room, put them into there cot and they'll maybe fuss about/crawl/play and then maybe not cry but settle themselfs to sleep but your in the room with them the whole time, and maybe need to do PU/PD a few times if they get really upset. We've started today with my LO and she didn't do an upset cry just fussed about/crawled about and did little moaning crys and then settled herself to sleep after 20mins. We won't do CC or CIO either but this way it helps LO fall asleep on their own but your there if they need you.

 

[patch2006uk]

Anyone got experience of how to encourage a baby who's just learned how to pull himself to standing in his cot to sleep? He was bad enough as it was, now I can even lie him down!