Need 'new' single mums advice?

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by FizzleBob, Apr 19, 2009.

  1. FizzleBob

    FizzleBob On A Break!

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    Im not sure if ive posted this in the correct section!

    I need advice anyway, but my life so far is..

    Met the OH, started a relationship.
    Had our lovely baby, now 15months.
    And decided to TTC #2.
    Booked our wedding, said we'd stop TTC 12months before the wedding date as I didnt want to be a house getting married! The weddings not booked until.. 2012!

    Lovely story so far.. Until recently he's been acting shifty. Getting messages on his phone, changing passwords on his e-mail account until I informed him WE SHARE THIS EMAIL ACCOUNT! Then suddenly, yesterday I noticed he'd made up his very own new email account. I damaged our computer by pushing the tray in (what holds the Kbrd) so hard the desk fell over, trying to find his password.

    Yes, I was wondering what he'd been on whilst i'd been buying ovulation tests and nappys! So, I finally got hold of his password this afternoon, and let him have a play on the laptop and watch football.. Whilst I looked at his phone (Yes im paranoid!) Ive seen some messages containing language I havent even heard before, and yeah, sexual language! I took this girls number and gave her a call, when I went to the shop to get him some beers (Wooops LOL!) and she gave me a nasty mouthing saying "WTF are you talking about, hes single, ive been to his house, your his ex, your lying" now shes texting me EVERY time theyve been together and saying shes sorry but she really didn't know.

    It turns out. Hes nothing but a scumbag. He's slept with her in our bed. He's slept with her in his mates car the day before our 'family' holiday. He's recorded her performing on him, in our living room.

    Where the hell do I stand?

    He hasn't a clue I know this. Im building up my time before giving him the grand old foot up backside. Our house is a council house, it's in my name but I don't receive any benefits etc as ive declared him living with me but not put his name on the tenancy (THANK GOD) Ive never gotten any benefits, apart from when I was pregnant and he wasn't living with me, I only got £32 a week, would I only get this being alone? This wouldnt even cover our rent (£70odd a week)

    I was advised to post in the single parents section, as single parents might know a little more..
    Im SOO glad my AF came on Wednesday and i'm not bringing a baby into this shambles of a relationship.

    I just dont know who to turn to.. or where to go..
    Hes currently sleeping on the sofa and I cant look at him and im bricking myself incase he wakes up! I don't know what to do and can hardly see the screen through my tears.. I dont know how im going to cope with my little lad, he runs rings round me and wont settle for me or anything!

    Im so scared..
    Please help!

    :cry: :cry:
     
  2. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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    im sorry to hear that, he sounds like such a shithead!!! your better off without him!
    As far as benefits go, im in the process of finding out where i stand as well, im going to be homless too and will be applying for a council house etc, But you will get more benefits than that, you can get job seekers allowance, council tax and housing benefit, umm.. child tax credits, theres a couple others too, most are income based. Do you work? Maybe if you can you should think about finding a job, that will probably make everything easier, and tell the councill he has moved out so they know your now on your own, Go to the jobcentre plus and the council and get advice from them, they will know more than me! Good luck!
     
  3. teen mummy

    teen mummy Amelias mummy

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    by the sounds of that your better off without him or at least untill hes sorts him self out and realises what is important in his life! as far as benifits go i have no idea but direct.gov.uk are really helpful try looking on there. Good luck hun hope everything turns out for the best.
     
  4. FizzleBob

    FizzleBob On A Break!

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    Well, the only reason we got this place, is because I was living with my mum and we fell out. I was on maternity leave and got working tax credits until I got this place, and he moved in offically. So I was homeless, alone, scared and he didnt give a crap til I got this house!

    I was getting maternity leave, as i'd been at my job since I was 13 at weekends, then full time after school etc but this place has just recently closed and i'm in the process of getting some money for serving 5years with them. So, I do have an appt at the job centre anyway to see if there's anything we can get! But i'll have to see what I can get alone, til I find another job.

    I havent managed to get on here, since I posted cause he's been watching over me!!
    He hasnt been near me since I found out about the girl. Ive also threatened to destroy her life if she tells him I know. My friend has advised me to get what I can out of him, he's decorating our sons bedroom (FINALLY) tonight, we're going to look at carpets tomorrow for our sons room, he's putting me up the shelfs I want this week, ive got him doing everything this week, then my appt Friday at job centre, then he's going the day I get my first 'benefit' through!!

    Ive already been out this morning, told the housing what i'm doing and for any letters in the next few weeks to be redirected to my mums house! I've opened my own bank account, and registered it at my mums, so I can get my benefits paid into that without him ever knowing. Im having to get all mail sent to my mums, cause if he gets wind of whats happening, he'll kill me. The housing have said, when i'm ready to leave him, once everything has happened, to go back in and they'll get a police escort for me to remove him from my house.

    I know he wont go. Hes violent, has been before and was yesterday. Don't know how I ever fell for him, I never really liked him but felt sorry for him so didnt say no. When he saw registration emails for here he was asking why and that! God, I hate him so much.
    Im meeting this girl tomorrow morning. Shes said she'll tell me everything to my face.


    Thanks for your replies and if you can think of anything else I can do before I leave him, tell me!!
     
  5. kerry 20

    kerry 20 Well-Known Member

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    aw hunni he sounds like a shit. im just newly single too but my benefits are slighly different to yours as i am working. you are really better off with out him and you can do this on your own x x
     
  6. FizzleBob

    FizzleBob On A Break!

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    He is a shit. I really do hate him though, I can't believe him at all. To top it off, this girl and him have actually been at it over a year. Since I first had my son, whos now 15months, he'd been chatting to her when I was pregnant, then first had their 'time' together when my son was just 3 months old, it was a week after I was diagnosed with PND! Im shocked, I know how he can be a [email protected] at times but never thought he'd do this. Worse thing right now, is this girl has told me 'If me and him break up, she'll carry on seeing him, as she loves him' (!!!!!!!) How the hell can she possibly love him? They've hardly spent any time together, theyve never lived together, they havent got a child together, they werent engaged.. How can she love him at all? He's not only been cheating on me, but her also as he's told her shes the only one! But she cant possibly love him, not to the extent that I do!

    Ill update you all later, if I can get on here, with her texts. Ive arranged to meet her tomorrow morning. She can spill all. Im gutted, Im shocked, gutted, upset and havent done much apart from just reading her messages..

    But thank you kerry20, I know I can do this on my own, im just scared! I mean I dont want my son to be father-less but if I leave him, he'll see him max once a month. If that to be honest, he doesnt spend that much time with him now, but does his little bit, like will fill his juice cup up now and again but thats it!! My son needs his father in his life, my son loves his dad but I cant stay here, im so scared and im rambling now, SORRY!!

    Is there any way I can drop hints that I know about his tricks, without actually saying it?
     
  7. Serene123

    Serene123 Guest

    :shock: What a w*nker!

    Don't really know what to say hun :hugs: You'll be just fine though x
     
  8. Char&Bump-x

    Char&Bump-x Me and her

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    Firstly i am soo sorry he is such a prick.
    Secondly :hugs: you dont need him!

    You said you're in a council place already, thats good news :) if you are not working and have a low income/no savings you can claim housing benefit and council tax benefit.

    You will also be able to get income support as your son is still so young, or if you want to go back to work you will be able to get help with childcare etc. 9/10 families are also entitled to some sort of tax credits

    You WILL be able to do it alone :hugs:

    Best of luck to you xx
     
  9. Tigger Momma

    Tigger Momma Well-Known Member

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    :hug::hug::hug:

    I think you should wait till your in place to leave him and then tell him when the cops r 5 minutes away...........the look on his face will be priceless:rofl:
     
  10. FizzleBob

    FizzleBob On A Break!

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    Thank you for the replies. Had another shitty night with him! He went off to his friends, took our baby (SHOCKED!!!!!) and his friends gf came down to ours and asked me to go up so I did, he blanked me all night, I ended up looking after our kid and their kid!!

    Umm, well I called this girl this morning, and begged her to meet me. She came and met me and took her for a coffee, i'm devastated. She has shown me photos of them two together, text messages (some from this morning), his promises to her, letters he's written... She's older than me, I am only 18 btw, she's 19, she's pregnant (But there is 4 potential fathers... My OH is one of them!), she explained that they have been together since March last year, our son was 6 weeks old. They got engaged but she cheated on him, they split up, she slept with 2 other guys, then got pregnant that month. They got back together, after he promised he'd support her. They're 'currently' engaged. As I am with him. We've come up with our own little sick plan, to push him into marrying us both then reporting him for bigamy :D
    BUT, that's not going to happen, was just a sick thought. I asked her questions, like What colour is our bedroom?
    What toilet paper do we have?
    Did you have a drink?
    What colour were the cups?
    What very unique thing is in our bedroom?

    She answered all correctly.
    Brown.
    Andrex.
    Yes..
    White.
    And an enlarged photo of our son, above the headboard, A1 size.

    She told me everything. All little details.
    The fact she thought it was quite feminine in our house. To the candles on the fireplace. The fact is was clean, not like a single man. The fact it had some taste (suppose thats a compliment!)

    I am horrified.

    Got the doctors tomorrow, depo injection. Not going near him until the injection kicks in. Not risking another baby.

    But, as I said i'd update, and well ^ there it is!

    So again, thanks for the replies, I will sound so silly but..

    Is housing benefit where the government pay your rent? And council tax.. the same?
    Do they pay it to you, and you pay it as normal to the council?
    Been to job centre, they've given me forms to fill out, and said bring them back Friday on my appt, BUT i cant put in my address, as I dont want letters going to my address. They said I might have to wait til he's gone before I can apply! Can take upto 8 weeks for them to come through? (HOW LONG?!?!?)

    He's making me sell my rabbits too. Ive put them on the internet, on another site I go on. He said we cant afford them! Im turning people away, in secret, as I love them very much. He's been horrible the last 12 hours. I just don't understand it! Shouted at me for buying my son some dinner! Said I shouldve gone home and made him a sandwich (What when he was hungry there and then? So I bought him a sarnie in town!)

    I hate him, I really do.

    Im building up my time. Bought some nice bathroom stuff today. Going to get the wall art ive been eyeing up tomorrow. Getting him to fit a heated towel rad in the bathroom over the weekend, anybody seen anything nice I can get him to provide?

    :) Looks like i'll be a permanent fixture in here :D

    Im going to get him, in the most worst way he's dreamed of!
     
  11. Carlena

    Carlena Well-Known Member

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    omg i am so sorry to hear what that jerk has done to you....
    you are better off hun and as for that other woman omg how sick she is going to stay with him even though he has really cheated on her as well
     
  12. jillypoop

    jillypoop Mummy of one

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    Hun, I couldn't read this and not reply.

    :hugs: Wish I could make things better for you or at least slap the stupid bugger!
    How are you going with claiming the housing/council tax benefits etc?
    I personally don't agree with the amount of people living off benefits but after reading quite a few stories on here similar to yours, I have realised that they are actually a lifeline, and the second you know you have those benefits, ring the council people to get the police escort and get that **** out of your house!

    Only thing I would suggest is to possibly have a friend/family member there? If he's an angry and violent person then he will probably say/try to do hurtful things so it would be good for you to have someone there to keep you strong.

    And for the other girl, maybe suggest Jeremy Kyle.....!?

    Keep us posted hun, come on here for support when you need it, don't try and be strong if you don't feel like you are, if you're having a down day, we are here to help you :hugs:

    xxx
     
  13. dollygirlie

    dollygirlie Mother

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    chuck him out you will be entitled to income support £60, child tax credit around £60 and child benefit £20 per week, around £140 plus your rent and poll tax paid, bin him!
     
  14. xarlenex

    xarlenex Well-Known Member

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    This guy is actually unreal!! :growlmad:
    Single parents left in situations like these get lots of help from the government, you will definately be fine in your own with your son.
    Your doing amazing to have not blown up at him by now! I don't think i'd be able to keep it to myself.
    Sounds like he needs brought back to reality :grr:
     
  15. lozzy21

    lozzy21 Mummy to Niamh

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    Some men are compleat twats! Id wait and get all your benifits in the pipline, dont even tell him your kicking him out and tell him once the police have arrived.
    As sont of the girls have said have a friend or family member with you, id also ask the council to change the locks and have a chain lock put on. Id also go to the CAB to see where he stands with acess to your son. As he has been agrssive you may be able to demand supervised accses. Hope things dont go on for to long hun, as for the other girl she will realise what a arsewhole he realy is.
     
  16. Staceyxxx

    Staceyxxx Mummy To 2 Little Angels

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    Hes a proper t*sser, hope you and son are ok x
     

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