Need people to back off... am I wrong? Help!!

[Bella1002]

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not so I thought I’d run it by all of you.


So here’s the situation: Next weekend my fiancé and I are attending an all day birthing class on Saturday from 9:00 – 4:30. I’m super excited for the class but it will be a long day after working all week.

The night before the class is the wedding of a close friend of my fiance’s. We’ve been planning on going for a few months now. This means I will work all day (which is already exhausting for me as it is), come home and have about 10 minutes to get ready (because we will already be late), and then I will be driving us (since I can’t drink and he can) a pretty good distance from where we live (about an hour or so). We probably won’t even get there until 7 or so, and even if we don’t stay late we probably wouldn’t get home until 11. I’m normally in bed no later than 10!

Under normal circumstances no problem, but I just *know* that attending both the wedding and the class back to back like that will be pushing myself a little too much. Maybe other women would be fine…maybe I’m just a baby, but I know myself and I know this will be too much for me.

I tried telling him last night that I will do my best but that there’s a chance I wouldn’t be up for the wedding, in which case he’d have to go alone. He got this sad look on his face and said, “But I want you to go with me! We won’t have to stay late!” It felt horrible to see the look of disappointment on his face, but I’m also a little mad because I feel like I’m being pushed beyond my limit and he’s not being understanding of the fact that I feel like hell all the time. It’s like he just doesn’t appreciate just how crappy I feel and how important it is that I get lots of rest on the weekends.

I looked into changing the day of the birthing class but there are only two more before my due date and neither day works. I know I will feel so guilty if I don’t go to the wedding… but should I? Would it be super bitchy of me to not go, or is it one of those things where I need to just suck it up and take one for the team?

All throughout my pregnancy I have attended things that I did not feel like attending because I didn’t feel well. All summer long I sucked it up and went to family get-togethers (his family is huge), and just dealt with not feeling well. But this is different. I’m two months away and my symptoms are worse than ever. I resent the fact that I’m being pushed, and at the same time I feel bad that I’m not strong enough to just deal with it.

I need honest opinions please… even if you agree with him and not me. I need an outsider’s viewpoint.

Thanks in advance!

 

[Periwinkle]

I'm not sure I'd go.. my NCT class was from 10-4 and I literally couldn't keep my eyes open afterwards, I fell asleep on the sofa the second I got in.

I was on maternity leave and went to bed early the night before too.

 

[ttcnewbie123]

I'd be absolutely knackered but wud probs go to please OH. Cud he drive there I.e before he's had a drink so u can have a nap on the way there? I find half hour shut eye really perks me up sumtimes!x

 

[Bella1002]

I should reitterate, too, that I've given in the entire time when it has come to sucking it up and going with him to events. We've even scheduled things like doctor visits, our baptism class, and other things on days that work best for *him*.

I guess the bottom line is I feel guilty for saying no to things and for putting myself first... and then I feel resentful towards him because I feel pressured to NOT put myself first.

IDK. Maybe it's just the hormones.

 

[littlenic]

I'm with you - that would be too much for me too. As a compromise, could you try to get 1/2 day flexi/holiday from work, giving you enough time to chill out beforehand? Your partner could also drive there as he won't be drinking until he gets to the party (hopefully). Set a time for leaving beforehand and agree a signal for if you're knackered before then.

Weddings are special and I'm sure the couple would appreciate you both turning up, even if it's just for one hour - to be fair, they probably won't even notice you both leaving early as everyone will be having too much fun by then!

...that would be my plan A. Plan b would be to stay at home and let dh go on his own but that could give you problems the day after if he stays out too long.

Good luck x

 

[Stargazer77]

Could you ask him not to drink at all, so you can sleep in the car on the way back too?

 

[ahcigar1]

I wouldn't suggest going. I remember going to my class that was all weekend long and by halfway through the second day I could hardly keep my eyes open I was struggling so much. And we didn't even do a whole lot. It would probably be much better for you and LO if you stayed home from the wedding and your fiance just went I would think. Hopefully he can understand that.

 

[hawalkden]

I agree with 'TTCNEWBIE123' about him driving there so you can wind down or try and sleep.. If I try and have a 'power nap' after a busy day i feel worse when I wake up or the next day. So pos the relaxing could help a little..

People including me forget that pregnant bodies are already taking on a lot and after working all day then going out etc to get ready (being a non pregnant girl is frustrating and stressful enough to be out on time and be ready!) then to have a full day the day after then sunday probably crashing out or get wrapped in something busy round the house and before you know it it's 9.30 sunday night and your routing for your works uniform ready for the alarm in the morning.

Hope youre not to drained but try and enjoy yourself

 

[littlenic]

Just seen your last post - we must have been typing at the same time! It sounds like you've already made your mind up so I'd send him on his own and say you need to put the baby first....with a busy weekend ahead, you need your rest.

 

[Bella1002]

I probably will end up just trying to do it all... but deep down I'm going to be mad at him cuz I'll only be doing it out of guilt. I'd probably never think about going had he been more understanding in his reaction. I really don't want to be tired for the birthing class because I've been looking forward to it for a long time.

 

[NBloyce]

Sometimes you need to spell stuff out to blokes im afraid. give him the option of going to the wedding for a short time, he can still drive there and have a drink, to let you nap in the car ?

I get this to sometimes, and just want to shout out 'whos putting me first today?'

good luck and have a great time if u do go xxx

 

[amybet]

ask him not to drink so takes pressure of you having to drive
xx

 

[Bella1002]

You know what bothers me too is that I would never act like that. I mean if the situation were reversed let's say, and he wasn't feeling well, I would feel BAD for asking him to do something anyways. I hate to see him sick or not feeling well and I wouldn't want to do anything to make it worse! I just don't understand the male mind!

 

[rachy12342]

I'd make him drive there and back, but try and get him to understand how u feel.x

 

[jenny82]

Tbh I'd go to the wedding and the class. It would mean a lot to the couple and your OH for you to to go and it would be fun! I would just make your OH drive so that you don't have to (or he drive there and you drive back). I'm a sucker for a wedding/social event though, no matter how tired I am...

 

[FeistyMom]

My DH and I just went to a wedding on 9/10 that was quite a drive from our house. Hubby drove there and back - I was going to offer to drive back, but I got a stupid bee sting on the bottom of my foot (bee got stuck between my sandal and foot). I rested in the car and that helped, but tbh I didn't have much fun at the wedding. It was nice, just so tiring and I was uncomfortable. Plus I didn't get to have cake and I'm limited on what I can eat due to GD so that was crummy.

It is hard, but if you are going to be angry about it, best to let him know up front otherwise this kind of resentment can really build into something ugly later on. DH & I went through a rough patch while I was pregnant with #2, in part because I let things fester inside until it hit boiling point, and he was always totally taken by surprise when I was angry.

 

[raychmumtobe]

i totally know how you feel, youre a week ahead of me, and im finding it exhausting to go out in the day, and as soon as i get home, im exhausted and end up sleeping on the couch for a couple of hours, and then when it gets to bed time, im still exhausted.

I think you should explain to your OH that your exhausted. You spend all day at work and then you have all these family events to go to, im sure his family, and the couple getting married would understand if you passed on an event because of how exhausted you are.
Only you know how much you can take, and what your limits are, and when youre pregnant, you need to respect those limits for the sake of your baby as well as yourself.
Remember, baby feels how you feel. If your unhappy, exhausted and frustrated, your baby can feel all that, and its not good for either of you.
Your OH needs to be made to understand this.

Hope you come to some sort of a compromise at least.

 

[heaven]

Just take it day by day. If you don't want to go, don't. Don't do anything you don't want. Happy baby, happy mom. Enjoy your pregnancy and get some rest. If you have to reschedule the class for sleep, than do that too. Just take care of you.

 

[seoj]

Such a tough situation... like you, I like to do it all. I feel guilty for not being there when someone really wants me to be... REGARDLESS... this is THE best excuse to not attend something. Personally, as it's not MY close friend I would forgo the wedding. If it were a close friend of mine, then yes, I would suck it up... but if not- then just tell hubby to go it alone and explain to them you worked all day, you feel horrible and you have class all day the next... they SHOULD understand. If not, they'll get over it. LOL.

I've sucked it up a few times and done things I just was so not in the mood to do... to help a friend or what have you... nothing major, and I know my friends would have done the same for me. But I don't see anything wrong with skipping the wedding hun. You really need to make YOU and your health, for babies sake, priority #1 right now... period. Hubby may be disappointed, but he'll live!

 

[xBabyGoose]

Awh, I know its hard but try not to be mad at OH if he goes in a grumps with you - as only you yourself can truely know how your feeling, even if our OH's try, the only person who can truely understand is you!
But do what you feel you need to do and don't give into guilt, you will have to live with theconcequences either way, so if you feel like your going to take on too much then stay and rest.
Whatever you do, your not being selfish either way x