Need some advice please! sorry its long x

[SVT1991]

I know this isn't necessarily the right place to post this but didn't know where else to put it, sorry its a bit long, as my husband and I are WTT this September. only thing is im now starting to doubt it. its a long story tbh, but it always boils down to my mother in law.

me and my husband have always had the the best relationship never row we always just talk things through but it seems to be if his mother says something to him behind my back he comes home and has a go or a moan at me as if its all my fault. so far because of her we have had 3 major rows over the nearly 5 years we have been together.
Basically we see them every Saturday we stay in all day so they (the inlaws) can stay as long as they want to see their grandchild, they just so happen to only have a couple of hours spare. but this time isn't 'enough' and 'its not fair' that my parents (2 sisters and brother who are still living at home under the age of 20 to 10) see her more... well I see them once a week occasionally twice if my grandparents travel down. I feel like at the moment I can not talk to my husband without him having a go and telling me I should meet his mum in the week as all she wants to do is spend time with 'her' grandchild.

before now my mum has offered to pick her up so everyone can see her at the same time. I try so hard with her but she is the most difficult person to talk to or hold a conversation with. I have said I do not want to see her unless my husband is present that way I can not be accused of anything. also she doesn't play with my daughter she just wants to cuddle her like a trophy. she is 13 months and I have had this since she was born. I don't know how much more I can take. there is more to it and at the end of the day my husband thinks the world of her and that she can do know wrong whatso ever when this im afraid is not the case at all. I feel so down at the moment and trying to hide my frustration from everyone I feel like I cant talk to anyone as it will cause more friction and worry.

has anyone been through this really need some advice on how to cope or get my husband to understand!?

sorry for the long rant on, just trying to make it as clear as I can xx

 

[K8te]

So sorry to hear you are having a bad time with your MIL. I can 100% relate to what you are saying. When me an OH first had our little boy my MIL was at our house round the clock, she just wouldn't leave and it made for a really difficult few months and it really got me down. My OH is just like yours where he won't stand up to her, it's only recently that he has started to see what his parents are like.

They used to talk about me behind my back - if I was upstairs I could hear them talking and they would say that I went to my parents all the time and never to there's etc. I am so thankful that my parents are very down to earth and it has never been a battle with them over who sees him more, unlike the in laws.

I can't remember what changed really, probably when he got a little older and wouldn't stand for them smothering him, when he was really into doing his own thing. I just did the same as you I gave them no reason to have a go or have a moan and just tried to smile and keep the peace while thinking how annoying they were in my head.

It hasn't been easy and even now they still like to cause issues but it has got to the point where she realises she can't blame me for doing or saying things as OH is always there so she has moved on to saying that he has said he would go round and things when he obviously hasn't so he has backed away from the relationship a bit because he's realising what they are like.

I really don't know what advice I can give you or what you can take from my experience I didn't want to read and run. I know how hard it must be for you and it really is a difficult situation. The only things I could suggest would be to just ignore them and try to keep the peace, give them no reason to complain and then try to talk to you OH. Unfortunately it never gets better, MIL sees our little one on a Wednesday and every other Friday and still has a go at OH when we don't go round on a Sunday even though they don't acknowledge our little one.

Big hugs xx

 

[SVT1991]

Thanks for replying! Sorry to hear youve had trouble too, although im relieved im not the only one. Weird thing me and the MIL got on great when I lived there its all of a sudden when we had bubba and moved out in the same week! I feel like im always trying to please them and never myself and its really getting me down. I just hope soon my husband will stand up for me and set her straight. Tbh sometimes I wish we could just move far away lol x

 

[K8te]

I think it must be a MIL thing. We always got on fine, went on holidays etc until LO arrived and then she just changed and even now expects everything to revolve around her.

I still wish the same but my family are fine so I wouldn't want to lol I'm sure he will eventually see what is going on but at least for now you know that it's notnjust you, it's most definitely a MIL thing. As long as you keep neutral to it all there's nothing to come back on you.

Hope it gets better soon x

 

[littlelily]

Oh dear. This sounds horrible. I can't stand me MIL. She is racist, homophobic and bitter. Luckily she lives 3 hours away! She keeps talking of moving nearer when we have kids but I pray that she doesn't because I wouldn't want any child of mine growing up around her horrible attitudes.

Really feel for you. May get easier as your LO grows up and is more independent.

 

[HopefulEm]

Yeah, it's gotten much tougher with my MIL too since DD was born. It's like all of a sudden I'm this person keeping her from her granddaughter. And if she doesn't get enough updates, it's my fault, not her son's, which makes no sense to me. I think MIL's have trouble with "being replaced" by their son's other half.