Need some womanly advice.

[Baby.Love12]

I have posted in this forum numerous times because at one point we were actually TTC. I will admit I have been pressuring my fiance to have a baby which is not good I know but we have a bit of an age difference. I am 27, have been married and divorced and have 2 children from that marriage who there dad is no longer in the picture and he has stepped up to be dad but that is a whole different story. Anyhow he is 24 never been married and has no kids but tells me he wants them just not now. I am ready now we have been together for 3 1/2 years. My rush is my age- I had my first when I was 20 and I refuse to have a baby after I am 30 I realize this may sound a bit selfish but I know what I want in life. When I bring it up (often) he will tell me yes but then when it comes down to it he is still using the pull-out method so obviously I am not at all likely to get pregnant that way. Does anybody have any insight or advice to give me? I am really not a selfish person and I love my children and my fiance very much, I am just ready to be a mom again. We recently bought a 4 BR house for this reason and he is still dragging his feet it seems. Thank you.

 

[Baby.Love12]

Sorry in advance if this is posted in the wrong forum.

 

[cem130]

You should really work this out before you get married.

Not only is it not selfish to not want to have a baby after 30, but your fertility begins to decrease, and it gets much harder.

I understand your fiancé not wanting to have a baby right now if it's because you're not married yet, especially if you're planning a wedding. I wouldn't want to try to have a baby unmarried either. But if it's another factor, you should have a serious talk before you get married. You need to figure out why he doesn't want to have a baby right now.

My husband is a couple years older than me and wanted to have a baby right away, but I wanted to wait a couple years. We discussed it before the wedding and it worked out fine-- he decided to hold out a couple years with me, and I got pregnant by oops right away, so he got his baby!

You can get pregnant while pulling out. My husband and I were NFP trying not to conceive, but couldn't handle the abstinence period (we had enough abstinence during courting and engagement), so we pulled out during it. Lo and behold, I got pregnant within a month of coming home from the honeymoon!

 

[Baby.Love12]

You should really work this out before you get married.

Not only is it not selfish to not want to have a baby after 30, but your fertility begins to decrease, and it gets much harder.

I understand your fiancé not wanting to have a baby right now if it's because you're not married yet, especially if you're planning a wedding. I wouldn't want to try to have a baby unmarried either. But if it's another factor, you should have a serious talk before you get married. You need to figure out why he doesn't want to have a baby right now.

My husband is a couple years older than me and wanted to have a baby right away, but I wanted to wait a couple years. We discussed it before the wedding and it worked out fine-- he decided to hold out a couple years with me, and I got pregnant by oops right away, so he got his baby!

You can get pregnant while pulling out. My husband and I were NFP trying not to conceive, but couldn't handle the abstinence period (we had enough abstinence during courting and engagement), so we pulled out during it. Lo and behold, I got pregnant within a month of coming home from the honeymoon!

Hi! No it isnt bc we arent married because we aren't even planning a wedding at the moment, in fact it has kind of been put on the back burner as sort of a "not as important thing at the moment" type deal. He says he just isn't ready and cant rush these things, which I get. We discuss it and he gets excited and says ok we will start trying but we never do and it upsets me. We have been using the pull out method the whole relationship and never have had an oops even though I have secretly hoped we would. I know that is bad!

 

[bumpin2012]

I fully believe that both parents should be on board when planning a baby. Having 1 feel pressured into it can lead to a lot of resentment down the road.

I understand your desire to be done before you are 30, but I feel you should take it down a notch as your Fiancee is only 24. If he's got cold feet, then a long discussion might help, but if he's truly not ready, then pushing the issue may hurt your relationship in the long run. At 27, you still have a few years of good fertility left.

My DH had horrible cold feet. I told him my stance. I told him that being pregnant before I turned 28 was important to me, and I needed him to give me a firm TTC date. I told him he had 3 months to decide. He made the choice to be NTNP, and when we did fall pregnant, he was on board, and happy about it.

I hope you find a solution

 

[CMF]

As the half of my relationship who has been the less keen on having a baby, I'd say you definitely need to talk this through with him. Be completely honest with him and see what he says, he might like the idea of being a parent but doesn't realise the timing is such an issue for you.

 

[Baby.Love12]

As the half of my relationship who has been the less keen on having a baby, I'd say you definitely need to talk this through with him. Be completely honest with him and see what he says, he might like the idea of being a parent but doesn't realise the timing is such an issue for you.

Hi! We have talked numerous times about it and all he can tell me is he is not ready. He is well aware of the timing issue and says that his timing should be respected as well. I just dont think he is getting the compromise part.

 

[CMF]

That's men for you, eh! As he's already stepped up to the plate for your 2 children, what is it exactly he's not ready for? I wouldn't try and push him on it, but if it was my OH, that's what I'd try and get out of him.

 

[Baby.Love12]

That's men for you, eh! As he's already stepped up to the plate for your 2 children, what is it exactly he's not ready for? I wouldn't try and push him on it, but if it was my OH, that's what I'd try and get out of him.

This is true, you know I never thought of that. Ha! Definitely dosent make much sense.

 

[floridamomma]

I have 3 kids from a previous relationship. My husband is 28 I am 22. he wants a baby and I want to wait a while because my youngest is 3 and I enjoy the time I have without my kids.(their dads time). he is an awesome dad btw. we also lost a baby on vday. we are ntnp because some days I want a baby more than life other days not so sure.im still hurting over the loss. my husband wants one now due to his age. he doesn't want to be old when our child is older. we talked and ntnp works because I know if Im pregnant i will want the baby. but it has to be a joint decision between both of you guys. when he pushed me I pulled back and refused when he explained his side and gave me space to decide I was ok with it and eventually we ended up here!

 

[Baby.Love12]

I have 3 kids from a previous relationship. My husband is 28 I am 22. he wants a baby and I want to wait a while because my youngest is 3 and I enjoy the time I have without my kids.(their dads time). he is an awesome dad btw. we also lost a baby on vday. we are ntnp because some days I want a baby more than life other days not so sure.im still hurting over the loss. my husband wants one now due to his age. he doesn't want to be old when our child is older. we talked and ntnp works because I know if Im pregnant i will want the baby. but it has to be a joint decision between both of you guys. when he pushed me I pulled back and refused when he explained his side and gave me space to decide I was ok with it and eventually we ended up here!

Hi thank you for responding. First of all I am sorry to hear about your loss. We have talked and talked about it and so I havent brought it up since I wrote this post bc I found that all it does is make me upset so we havent mentioned it and then last night he didnt pull out however I am already past my ovulation lol so not so good timing but who knows what will happen. Thank you!

 

[FarmersWife5]

Honestly... If you keep asking and pushing it and he keeps saying no, than that means no. You don't want him to just say yes because you keep asking, and then have him regret it. Maybe he actually does want to be married first.

 

[Baby.Love12]

Marriage has nothing to do with it I know that already.

 

[OurLilFlu]

Sorry if this offends but it sounds like your idea of a compromise is him agreeing for a baby, he really needs to be fully on board. Hopefully him not pulling out is the start of that and maybe the timing will work out next month, but you guys do need to get on the same page about either trying or waiting til he's ready