Nervous leaving baby with MIL?

[Palestrina]

I'm considering doing some freelance work which would only take me away from home 1 day a week for 2-3hrs max. My OH thinks it's a good idea to leave LO with his mother who lives not too far. Sounds like a good idea but MIL and I have a complicated relationship. It's not that I don't trust her but it's more an issue of pride for me, we've never asked her to help us in any way probably because of that. She is very needy clingy and dependant on OH and our relationship with her revolves around her needs, she calls nearly every day but only to ask him to do things for her (take her places, do home improvement stuff, chores, etc). I know it sounds horrible but the more we talk to her the more she asks him to do so it's an awkward relationship. I have never asked her for anything before, and feel very strange about asking for this. Am I being overly cautious? It's a great opportunity for me but I'm kind of willing to give it up to avoid this situation. What would you do if you were me?

 

[bigbetty]

I wouldn't leave Fran with anyone I didn't feel comfortable with, even if that meant missing out on an opportunity.

Is there anyone else you could leave LO with so you don't have to miss out?

 

[Palestrina]

It's not that I don't think she can take care of him, I'm not uncomfortable about her handling the baby, she's his grandmother and I really do think it could be a great opportunity for her to spend some time with her grandson too. It's more my problem I think, I hate to feel indebted to anyone really.

 

[bigbetty]

Aw I can understand that. And I think it's because she annoys you by trying to take your OH's attention away from you and LO too.

Don't look at it as her doing you a favour, see it as you doing her one by letting her spend some precious bonding time with your baby. And you are just reaping the benefits of it by being able to take advantage of a good opportunity xx

 

[HungryHippo]

I'd say it's hard to find someone you trust leaving LO with. And I found it very hard the 1st 3-4 times with my own mother. Perhaps you should give it a go and see how you feel? The pros are that your MIL knows about children and would obviously love your LO. The cons are how it plays out with your current relationship with her, right? Maybe it might make it better? Who knows...I come from a dysfunctional family...but it can't hurt to think positive. Good luck with this!

 

[tinkerbellkj]

Aw I can understand that. And I think it's because she annoys you by trying to take your OH's attention away from you and LO too.

Don't look at it as her doing you a favour, see it as you doing her one by letting her spend some precious bonding time with your baby. And you are just reaping the benefits of it by being able to take advantage of a good opportunity xx

I agree. I work from home mostly, but I'm out in 'the field' about 8 hours a week (sometimes 12 if it's a bad week) spread across normally 2, but never more than 3 days. He stays with my MIL, and I will say it has strengthened my relationship with her and she is bonding with my son A LOT.

She LOVES to watch him (and she even comes to our home) and on days my SIL is off work and I am working they will sometimes take him out places and I will meet with them afterwards. I was really worried at first, but then I remembered that she did raise my husband who I love and did a pretty great job! She feels important in my son's life and believe me, he LOVES being fawned over!

For me personally, I feel like we are going over their less for dinners etc etc (which was getting annoying because I felt like we were there all the time) because she is seeing the baby which to be honest is who she really wants to see anyway!

Sorry for the novel, but I just wanted to share my experience. I will say that I also feel really good going out to work, I consider it my 'break' and I know my son is well taken care of. Good luck in whatever you choose!

 

[Palestrina]

Thanks tinkerbell for sharing, that does indeed help. I don't know if your relationship with your mil is as tumultuous as mine but I agree that being open about this could strengthen it. I'm trying to keep an open mind. I think what worries me is that if this doesn't work out well I'm stuck because I've taken on the committment of the job.

 

[Foogirl]

I wouldn't let a misplaced sense of pride stop me taking a good opportunity. Who cares if you've never asked for help? Is there a rule somewhere which says you shouldn't? Everyone needs help sometimes.

I think you're making this bigger than it needs to be and might end up cutting off your nose to spite your face. The relationship with your MIL isn't going to get any worse if you do this, and who knows, it might get better. You might at least give it a go. I'd say you've more to gain than you have to lose.

You're never stuck, you can always look for a nursery, or quit.

 

[WanaBaba]

Thanks tinkerbell for sharing, that does indeed help. I don't know if your relationship with your mil is as tumultuous as mine but I agree that being open about this could strengthen it. I'm trying to keep an open mind. I think what worries me is that if this doesn't work out well I'm stuck because I've taken on the committment of the job.

What about leaving LO with mil a couple of times before taking on the job, as a sort of tester and see how it goes?

 

[Palestrina]

Thanks tinkerbell for sharing, that does indeed help. I don't know if your relationship with your mil is as tumultuous as mine but I agree that being open about this could strengthen it. I'm trying to keep an open mind. I think what worries me is that if this doesn't work out well I'm stuck because I've taken on the committment of the job.

What about leaving LO with mil a couple of times before taking on the job, as a sort of tester and see how it goes?

Sounds like a good idea but difficult to arrange, especially since they need to know asap if I want to take the job. Thanks for the advice.

 

[KittyVentura]

Well, maybe if she felt needed she might become less clingy to yoru OH. She may be like that because she feels redundant and making her feel wanted and useful might help that.

Also, she IS your LO's grandmother. There's no reason (based on what you've posted) to not trust her with your LO... and a strong relationship with a grandparent in invaluable in my opinion.

For those reasons I'd put your pride aside for the sake of your MIL and for your baby. While there is no issue at all with you not wanting to leave your LO if you did not feel ready... you haven't said you have issues leaving her... just that it's leaving her WITH MIL... and I think LO spending time alone with another trusted family member is good for all parties involved.

xxx