Nervous

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by bobster, May 23, 2019.

  1. bobster

    bobster 2 perfect boys

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    not sure if this is the right place to post.

    I have 2 gorgeous boys who I love with all of my heart. They are best friends and have an incredible relationship. Despite this ever since being little I have imagined having a daughter. I was hoping for a girl with ds1 and was a bit disappointed at birth but I got through it quickly as I thought I still have a chance next time. I kind of assumed that second time i’d get a girl and as soon as I got a bfp I was convinced it was a girl as I had a worse time during pregnancy. At 13 week scan it was a clear boy nub and my heart felt broken. Confirmed boy at 16 weeks and I cried all the way home from the private scan.

    I hadn’t ever talked about this gender desire before with anyone so my OH couldn’t understand. I felt alone and truly depressed. I had no desire to have the baby and felt detached throughout the rest of the pregnancy. I also worried I wouldn’t love him when he was born.

    A further 20 weeks later out he cane and to my relief I fell instantly I love. He’s been such an easy going lovely baby and now he’s 3 the boys get on so well as they are so different in their personalities.

    Since ds2 was born I still have not shaken off this feeling of a ‘void’ for a daughter. I’d planned to sway and had become a bit obsessed with researching about swaying. Unfortunately before I could put what I’d learnt into practice we had an oops pregnancy. I’m not 16 weeks and feel so anxious about how I’m going to deal with news of a ds3. It’s literally taking over my thoughts. OH didn’t even want a third baby but had agreed as he knew how down I was about never having a dg so I feel terrible guilt for him and it will just be awful if it’s all for no reason. I know i’ll love another boy as much as the other 2, but we are really stretched as it is with finances, space, time etc. I just feel I can’t let this feeling go and can’t accept it will never happen for me. This is our last chance though as definitely no more after this one.

    I have a gender scan in 3 days on Sunday and I’m so scared to find out. I don’t know how I will cope with the news, but at the same time want to know as it’s torture not knowing an having constant thoughts about it.

    Anyone else in a similar boat or who understands these feelings?
     
  2. Locksley27

    Locksley27 Well-Known Member

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    :hugs:I have been there before. I had two sweet boys but was really wanting a daughter for our third. But our third was another boy who I do love with all my heart. For me it was a little different because we planned on having more even after number 3. I think what you are feeling is normal and its ok to be upset. You very well could be having a girl. I had my girls after 3 boys so anything can happen. :hugs:
     
  3. bobster

    bobster 2 perfect boys

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    Thanks locksley. It helps to know other people have been there and got through it. I think because it’s our last it’s more final and it will be hard to accept I’ll never be a mother to a daughter.

    Scan is today. I’m so scared and nervous.
     
  4. 3boys

    3boys Well-Known Member

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    I really hope you get your girl but I promise it’ll be ok if you don’t. I know exactly how you are feeling x
     
  5. bobster

    bobster 2 perfect boys

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    Thanks so much. Amazingly I did hear pink with made me feel so emotional and is a very surreal feeling.

    GD is the hardest thing to go through.. I think because no one talks about it in real life for fear of being judged it’s so much harder. Good luck to anyone reading this.
     

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