LadyLovenox
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Never gonna have the girl of my dreams
- Thread starter LadyLovenox
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jtink28
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hi!
i'm sorry you didn't get the daughter you'd dreamed about. i hope you can turn your feelings around and be excited about this boy. i'm a mama of two boys (and i'm done having children) and it's honestly amazing. brothers are so close, and they'll always have each other.
honestly, though, i think you need to talk to a doctor - a therapist or your obgyn. it sounds like this is more than gender disappointment. you don't want to live anymore because of this? that's a bigger issue, love. gender disappointment is real and i get, it, i do. mom of 2 boys and done, here. but....there comes a point when disappointment turns into depression, and that's not healthy. i hope for your little boy's sake that you can come to love him and accept him - he's very innocent in all this.
hugs to you. please see a professional - there's no shame in it, and honestly, it will be so much better when you see and talk to someone about your feelings and thoughts.
i'm sorry you didn't get the daughter you'd dreamed about. i hope you can turn your feelings around and be excited about this boy. i'm a mama of two boys (and i'm done having children) and it's honestly amazing. brothers are so close, and they'll always have each other.
honestly, though, i think you need to talk to a doctor - a therapist or your obgyn. it sounds like this is more than gender disappointment. you don't want to live anymore because of this? that's a bigger issue, love. gender disappointment is real and i get, it, i do. mom of 2 boys and done, here. but....there comes a point when disappointment turns into depression, and that's not healthy. i hope for your little boy's sake that you can come to love him and accept him - he's very innocent in all this.
hugs to you. please see a professional - there's no shame in it, and honestly, it will be so much better when you see and talk to someone about your feelings and thoughts.
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Poppy84
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Hey hun,
I thought you weren't getting your scan for another few weeks?
I remember this feeling with my second boy. I cried and cried and cried! Looking back I feel so silly for it because he's the most gorgeous little boy and funnily enough loves pink and putting on princess dresses. I completely understand the dream of having a girl though. It will take you a while but you will eventually feel more connected to the baby, especially when you start feeling little kicks. Perhaps some counselling may help though? Is this definitely your last baby? I though my second boy would be my last baby but 3 years later I had to have one more shot at a girl.
Big hugs xxx
I thought you weren't getting your scan for another few weeks?
I remember this feeling with my second boy. I cried and cried and cried! Looking back I feel so silly for it because he's the most gorgeous little boy and funnily enough loves pink and putting on princess dresses. I completely understand the dream of having a girl though. It will take you a while but you will eventually feel more connected to the baby, especially when you start feeling little kicks. Perhaps some counselling may help though? Is this definitely your last baby? I though my second boy would be my last baby but 3 years later I had to have one more shot at a girl.
Big hugs xxx
kat132
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Hey lovely. I want to say that i felt like this the day i found out i was having my 3rd boy. Also felt like it the day after. What helped me was basically crying my bloody heart out, talking about it to the ones closest to me and then crying some more. Its a crappy feeling that feels like it will never ever go away but for me it has. A lot quicker than i thought. I still get pangs of disappointment but nothing like i was feeling.
I took my ultrasound pics down from my fridge and threw them across the room. I didnt want to look at them. They are back up now and i look at him everyday. I see how lucky i am to have this little boy in my belly.
I dont have much advice really. Just grieve for a while and then try and look at all the good things that will be with 2 boys. You have so many things to look forward to. My 2 boys adore me and i know if i hold them close they will always be there for me, i know this in my heart.
I cant wait to have this little boy now and even if i knew i would end up with another boy would i have still got pregnant? yes i would and its so nice to be able to say that now but it has taken me a while.
Give yourself time
But please take your vitamins. You will love this boy, trust me.LadyLovenox
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Poppy84
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Awww cry and grieve as much as you need to. Eventually for me, I realised I was crying and grieving about the little girl I wasn't getting, not about the little boy that was in my tummy. I didn't stop being upset, but I soon connected with the baby, sooner than I thought I would. I remember going into work and telling a friend I had been upset and she told me off for it. She had recently had a little girl. How can anyone who hasn't been through gender disappointment possibly understand it is actually grief? I felt like the little girl I dreamed of had died.
Hope you manage to get through to a therapist.
Hugs x
Hope you manage to get through to a therapist.
Hugs x
LadyLovenox
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kat132
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I honestly do think with time your feelings will change. But i am not going to lie i still feel upset about not getting a girl, this was my last attempt.
The thing that made me realise that i love this little man is he went quiet for a few days and i was freaking out that something had happened to him. since then i know that i love him, will cherish him and one day i hope to have fab daughter in laws and maybe if i am lucky granddaughters.
My husband was so upset with me, he didnt understand that i could be feeling that upset about it. He said 'you knew it was a 50/50 chance'. He understood to a certain extent but looked at me like i was awful.
This is the second time i have been through this but it took me a lot longer with my 2nd to get over it. Now i look back i think how could i have thought like that?? He is my sunshine, my funny loving cute gorgeous boy. How could i have ever not have wanted him?
I hope you feel better soon but you can always come on here and vent and we can just give you the support you need. xx
The thing that made me realise that i love this little man is he went quiet for a few days and i was freaking out that something had happened to him. since then i know that i love him, will cherish him and one day i hope to have fab daughter in laws and maybe if i am lucky granddaughters.
My husband was so upset with me, he didnt understand that i could be feeling that upset about it. He said 'you knew it was a 50/50 chance'. He understood to a certain extent but looked at me like i was awful.
This is the second time i have been through this but it took me a lot longer with my 2nd to get over it. Now i look back i think how could i have thought like that?? He is my sunshine, my funny loving cute gorgeous boy. How could i have ever not have wanted him?
I hope you feel better soon but you can always come on here and vent and we can just give you the support you need. xx
WackyMumof2
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I've just discovered I have #4 on board and I too am worried I will have a forth boy as this will be my last biological baby. I have 1 with ADHD, one with suspected SPD which is the main of my concerns. DS3 is 8 months so we don't know yet though I think he's okay. My MIL falsely let me believe DS2 was a girl and started buying pinks and purples, dresses and skirts (I believed she was physic. How stupid was I?) so when the sonographer told me he was a boy, I argued for about 20 minutes. But I got over it in the end. 
DS3 I PRAYED for a boy because that was all I ever knew and the idea of a girl scared me - and to be honest, still does.
I get how you feel. I really do. All my hubby and my almost 9 year old have ever wanted is a girl. Hubby has had her first name picked out before we got together. Me, I've wanted to use my youngest sister middle name in my daughter's name since Mum brought her home from the hospital 26 years ago. I'm not struggling with accepting to love my baby though nor do I regret this pregnancy and I think that's the difference between your story and mine. We knew the chances were 50/50. We WILL be upset but as long as he is healthy that's all that matters. It sounds like you have bigger underlying issues that you need help to deal with. My biggest concern for you is that if you don't get help, then you and your baby will miss out on each other. You're baby is going to need his mother to be strong, you need to know you will love your little boy and protect him from the world. One day, maybe another pregnancy is a possibility for you. But at this point in time, it sounds like it's causing some very real issues not only for you personally, but it could also create issues within your family with your husband and other children. Just remember, it IS okay to cry, feel defeated, be angry at God. It's part of processing though this. But you also need the help of a professional too.
Thinking of you and I pray you can get though this in time and learn to love your little boy.
DS3 I PRAYED for a boy because that was all I ever knew and the idea of a girl scared me - and to be honest, still does.I get how you feel. I really do. All my hubby and my almost 9 year old have ever wanted is a girl. Hubby has had her first name picked out before we got together. Me, I've wanted to use my youngest sister middle name in my daughter's name since Mum brought her home from the hospital 26 years ago. I'm not struggling with accepting to love my baby though nor do I regret this pregnancy and I think that's the difference between your story and mine. We knew the chances were 50/50. We WILL be upset but as long as he is healthy that's all that matters. It sounds like you have bigger underlying issues that you need help to deal with. My biggest concern for you is that if you don't get help, then you and your baby will miss out on each other. You're baby is going to need his mother to be strong, you need to know you will love your little boy and protect him from the world. One day, maybe another pregnancy is a possibility for you. But at this point in time, it sounds like it's causing some very real issues not only for you personally, but it could also create issues within your family with your husband and other children. Just remember, it IS okay to cry, feel defeated, be angry at God. It's part of processing though this. But you also need the help of a professional too.
Thinking of you and I pray you can get though this in time and learn to love your little boy.
LadyLovenox
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Just wanted to update you all that after nearly a week, I'm feeling worlds better and have come around to the idea. I'm still sad I don't have a girl in my arms, but I'm falling in love w my baby boy. So much quicker than what I thought I would. We have named him and all. I have my actual anatomy scan coming up, and I feel like once I see him again, without the shock factor and disappointment, I'll be even more excited. I feel almost silly for being so terribly despondent, but I know hormones are wacky with pregnancy too. And dh has allowed us to "try again" in a few years and/or adopt so I dont feel that my dream is gone, just postponed a while. Thanks for all your support. I truly needed it.
3boys
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I have felt those feelings so many times on so many pregnancies and ive hated myself for it!!! But for me and i know everyone is different after a few weeks those intense feelings start to fade and by the time i have the baby i fall madly in love with him, couldnt imagine not having my 6 boys around me. I hope it will be the same for you
