New, confused and alone...

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by AllyRose, Sep 23, 2012.

  1. AllyRose

    AllyRose New Member

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    Hello everyone,

    I find myself here almost out of desperation. I am 34 weeks pregnant and in a very complicated relationship, actually the more I read and wake up to myself, I am beginning to see that it's a a relationship full of emotional abuse. I am so scared and feel so alone and unsupported, I really don't know what to think or do anymore. I am just so, so confused.

    I suppose I have been looking for some positivity in my situation, it's so difficult to remain level headed, as I have no-one to that I can talk honestly with, for varying reasons. So it can become very easy to begin feeling crazy, questioning everything and blaming myself. Ultimately, I feel lost!

    I am very excited about becoming a mum, there is no doubt about that. However at the same time, I feel like I am living an eternal struggle to maintain hope and sanity in preparing for a healthy pregnancy and birth.

    My partner of almost 6 years has bipolar and is a walking combination of anger, aggression, depression and unpredictability. I have tried so hard not to get caught up in the depression and deep emotional crisis he experiences while also trying to be a loving and supportive partner to him. Now I am unsure if I am seriously going mad and really am the cause of his problems and various addictions (as he implies).

    Knowing that I only have 6 weeks to go and considering the ridiculous amount of stress I have encountered throughout my pregnancy, I really wanted to spend the remaining weeks of the pregnancy becoming completely prepared mentally and physically. Though I feel as if my partner is placing constant blockages in my way, it almost feels like sabotage, then I question myself, is it really like that, am I distorting reality??

    I have been trying to focus on yoga and daily meditation and relaxation through guided imagery. What has bought me to this point is a complete feeling of hopelessness after my partner questioning me yesterday on the type of yoga I am doing, stressing to me that I am closed minded and need to explore other options and today I am told that I need to stop breathing so heavily while using the guided imagery in addition to stop making noises such as sighing and grunting type noises when things are difficult or I am in pain (this came after trying to tie my laces... nearly impossible at this stage of pregnancy!). I just cannot believe it. I tried to explain why I enjoy the pregnancy specific yoga I am doing and was told I am always making excuses for my behavior... I just don't understand what I have done wrong.

    Now I am scared of making any noise at all when I move, breathe or am in pain, not wanting to set him off. I now feel like I can't even practice the guided imagery (along with the yoga - the only things that were calming me down and allowing me to prepare). Which just adds to a long list of other things that I am 'not supposed to do'. I am taking a risk by even typing right now, as he tries to sleep on the couch, I am not supposed to make any noise while he sleeps.

    I am unsure if this is the right forum for posting this, but I really just didn't know what else to do. I have absolutely no-one I can talk to and am going out of my mind while living in this state of fear. I do genuinely apologise for bringing the mood down or if the case, posting something inappropriate for this forum.

    Hurting, emotional and confused
    AllyRose
     
  2. dizzy65

    dizzy65 Momma of my 4 Boys!

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  3. Bevziibubble

    Bevziibubble Well-Known Member
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    Hello and welcome. It sounds like a bad situation. He needs to be a lot more understanding and he's going to need to be when the baby is here as babies make a lot of noise and require a lot of patience. I think it's good to maybe think about having a serious talk with him about the future :hugs:
     
  4. angel2010

    angel2010 Cart & Emma's mom, 1mc

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  5. xprincessx

    xprincessx Mum to 4 beauties <3

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    :hugs: welcome hun, there is alot of support on this forum x
     
  6. emilyjade

    emilyjade mummy of two!

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  7. xJG30

    xJG30 Tom & Mummy <3

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  8. Chris77

    Chris77 Mommy to PJ and Gavin

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    :hi: Welcome to BnB!
     
  9. Mummy2B21

    Mummy2B21 Mum of Two

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    Welcome huni :) x
     

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