New Mom BF'ding.

[BlackBerry25]

I hate breastfeeding. It is too hard and I cannot do it. I am just wondering if anyone else is going through this.

I don't really know why I am writing this, but anyways. My daughter is 8 days old and I have been breastfeeding. Not because I wanted to. I have actually been terrified about it from the day I found out I was pregnant. I would worry and worry about not being able to do it. I talked to my OH and he really wanted me to try, even just for 3 weeks. I agreed I would try and the only reasons I wanted to was to save on money since I won't be working and for him because he wanted me to. I had no problems with formula feeding.

Once Helena was born, I told the nurse I wanted to breastfeed and we started right away. Helena latched on perfectly and nursed for 1/2 an hour on each breast. The nurse couldn't believe how good we were doing, and I built up this confidence that I was some breastfeeding goddess, lol, that got it right on the first try. I kept breastfeeding her in the hospital, and my latch must have become shittier and shittier, , with no nurse coming in to help me. My nipples became really cracked and bleeding, but I endured the pain and just kept doing it.

On the 2nd night in the hospital, a nurse came in and gave Helena some formula, because I was so exhausted and she was obviously hungry and my milk hadn't come in yet. This was completely fine with me.

After I went home, the home nurse came to visit the next day. She helped me out with my latch and it was great. I was nursing without pain. But then disaster struck and I developed Mastitis and had the worst night of my life.

Now it is 8 days later, and each day I hate breastfeeding more and more. I have a nervous breakdown everyday around 4 pm about it. I really really want to switch to formula. My one boob is still red and sore from the mastitis. I am pumping that one and mostly pumping the other one and just bottle feeding her. I need to be able to have some sleep through out the day, and this way Brian can feed her (which he really enjoys) The home nurses keep calling me everyday and bullying me into breastfeeding. They make me feel like complete shit for giving her a bottle, and then I try to start breastfeeding her again and it goes well for one session and then the next all hell breaks loose again and all 3 of us (me, OH and baby) get so STRESSED OUT.

Why do I feel guilty about switching to formula?

Edited to add:

I also have no problem with pumping and giving her my milk in a bottle. The nurses said this is a bad idea and that it will reduce my milk supply and that she won't be getting my hindmilk. I was thinking of renting a hospital grade pump from the hospital. Is anyone doing this and how is it working out for you?

 

[Samantha675]

Don't feel guilty hun, and don't let them make you feel guilty, you need to tell them that Bfing is just not working for you. Even Bfing for 8 days is wondeful, and she has received colostrum which is what helps set up her immune system, so bravo to you!

Also, incase you do keep going. It does get better and easier. It is really hard at first and frustrating. BUT no matter, you gotta make yourself and your baby happy!

 

[BlackBerry25]

Yeah there are many reasons why I hate it.

#1 It is too time consuming. Which makes me feel selfish. But I get depressed just sitting there for an hour and then having to do it all over again in 2 hours. I know it gets easier and won't take an hour each time, but at this point I can't take it. I am like a demon from hell when I don't have enough sleep, and I am fighting with my OH constantly. At least in a bottle he can feed her (and he is a night owl and is up all night anyways!)

#2 She falls asleep almost immediately when on the breast. I have tried the different positions, having her in her diaper so she isn't too warm and comfortable, burping her when she falls asleep, changing her diaper to wake her up, blowing on her face, using a wet cloth on her face. It works for a minute and then she is asleep again. I will put her down and think that I will attempt again later, and as soon as I put her down she wakes up. It is so frustrating.

#3 I have gallstones and have to eat a very restricted diet until I can get it removed (which is not until next year!) I can't seem to eat enough food in the day, and when I breastfeed I feel very very drained. I am trying to drink Poweraid to give some some extra electrolytes, etc. and am trying to snack more. I have lost 25 pounds since being home and breastfeeding! (Which I would normally be thrilled about but rapid weight loss can cause more gallstones )

The home nurse just called me again and I didn't answer. But she left a msg saying they wanted to send someone out to help me with my latch again. I really don't think the latch is the problem. Its everything else. I think I am going to develop some sort of depression if I carry on.

 

[B4byAnge1]

It does get easier with time, but if you dont think the latch is the problem then it may not. If you are really not happy breastfeeding then quit...your baby has had lots of goodness for the first few days in her life and at the end of the day, if its making you totally miserable its really not worth it. I had a very similar time with my son, I quit after 10 days and ive never felt so guilty about anything! But you know what, it just wasnt right then, I never got into it, didnt have enough help and it just wasnt working, But then this time everything has been great with Skye...sometimes things just dont work out! Dont feel guilty for not doing it, and if you dont want to breastfeed dont allow others to pressure you into it, its up to you at the end of the day Hope things get better!

 

[ryder]

Dont worry! You shouldnt do it if you feel bullied and pressured, you should only be BF'ing if you enjoy it and it works for you and your LO...

I have a similiar situation with my OH... But he is just more concerned with feeds being breastmilk, even if it is expressed...

So I will be expressing. Lots of women express successfully right from the beginning.

 

[Samantha675]

Then by all means, try expressing and if that doesn't work, switch to the bottle. You have to do what works for you, at the end of the day, feeding your LO should be a joy, not a burden. I am so sorry you are having such a hard time!

 

[Starflyr]

It's really great that you've given it a go, especially considering that you never really wanted to in the first place. THat being said, it DOES get easier - but it takes time and work. Everyone told me "give it 1 week" or "give it 1 month" and it'll get easier - well, it took about 8 weeks for it to get easier for us. Now, however, it's GREAT, but I still have the odd time when I think "wouldnt it be great if I could go out and do something for me w/o the baby OR the pump?" THat said, I plan to continue on.

If it's causing you serious issues, try pumping. Your supply will decrease w/exclusive pumping and what will most likely happen is that you'll get about 3-6 months of some amount of breast milk before it tanks, unless you take supplements or aggressively pump (which at that point would be harder/more time consuming than nursing, IMO).

Keep in mind that you probably have the "Baby blues" right now, which will also color your thoughts/feelings. All those hormones play havoc w/the mood and mind.

And to address your reasons:

1: it does get better - heck, if it takes 10 minutes now, it's a long session for us LOL
2: this is tough. sounds like you're doing everything you can. It may be a problem for awhile even if you give a bottle.
3: I think you need to talk to your doc about this one.

no worries, formula is ok too - you have to do what's best for everyone in the family, not just baby,kwim?

Star

 

[Heather.78]

dont beat yourself up about it hun maybe if you want to give it ago express your milk and feed her from a bottle

 

[creamcakes]

I also have no problem with pumping and giving her my milk in a bottle. The nurses said this is a bad idea and that it will reduce my milk supply and that she won't be getting my hindmilk. I was thinking of renting a hospital grade pump from the hospital. Is anyone doing this and how is it working out for you?

I really sympathise - and ultimately you should do what makes you and your baby happiest. Formula-feeding is not a crime. Personally I have decided that Breastfeeding is easier and less time-consuming in the long-run, and I say that as someone who has done both (went from exclusive formula feeding to exclusive breastfeeding, at 8 weeks old.... but that's another story!!!) But it is your decision. Not your partner's, not the nurse's - yours!

Re the advice from your nurse re. supply - true, this might happen, but it might not. Some people pump exclusively and do just fine. Hospital-grade pumps are very effective.
Re your DD 'not getting hindmilk' if you decide to pump exclusively.. . . I am pretty sure that is rubbish. If this were true, why would hospitals feed tiny, premature babies donated (pumped) breastmilk in preference to formula?? Really,I wouldn't worry about that aspect. Just pump for a decent amount of time and you will have plenty of good stuff.

All the best whatever you decide to do.
Lucy

 

[hsollis]

Trust your feelings. I know a lot of people that started formula feeding right from the start. My mother never breast fed and my sister only did a few days and then went to formula.

There's a lot of pressure to bf by the medical arena but my home nurse said we'd try it and see how it went that it would be preferable for the baby to bf but it must also be practical and the mother has to be comfortable as well.

If you're stressed then the baby is stressed and if you find formula/bottle feeding better, you should do it as you'll create a calmer time to spend on your baby and feeding and cuddling rather than the panics you are describing now.

If you're baby is getting food and you are providing it (bf or bottle) then you are NOT A FAILURE!!! Your baby is getting all the nutrients (either way) that it needs!! I wouldn't worry too much about what your home nurse says.

Mine also was very happy with my bf but she said that if I got uncomfortable or didn't like, I should try switching as it should be what is best for the mother as well as the baby.

Nowadays formula is extremely good for babies and as you have already bf for so many days, switching will not be a problem.

I'd talk it over with OH and if you can express, I'd check (another source) on the expressing thing as I think you should be able to express and bottle feed and not dry up and if you prefer formula stick with that but it is your instincts you should trust!!!

Remember - you are the mother.

 

[HatterasSarah]

It really does get much easier as it goes on, but it really isn't for everyone. don't let people make you feel badly about it. it is YOUR decision!

 

[keelykat]

please dont feel bad, i know what youre going through...i managed five days and then tried pumping before i broke down and couldnt take it anymore. my worst moment was when my nipple bled badly and it went everywhere including over elliot and his clothes. i felt like a failure.

luckily i had suport off the midwife, health visiter and my family. my husband fell out with me the night i broke down though-as elliot was crying his eyes out hungry and was late sunday shops shut and i couldnt bear elliot coming near me....i had to obviously feed him till the morning though....me in tears.

i felt so relieved to give him a bottle. 5 days was still good-he had the colostrum.

big hugs. x x