I hate breastfeeding. It is too hard and I cannot do it. I am just wondering if anyone else is going through this. I don't really know why I am writing this, but anyways. My daughter is 8 days old and I have been breastfeeding. Not because I wanted to. I have actually been terrified about it from the day I found out I was pregnant. I would worry and worry about not being able to do it. I talked to my OH and he really wanted me to try, even just for 3 weeks. I agreed I would try and the only reasons I wanted to was to save on money since I won't be working and for him because he wanted me to. I had no problems with formula feeding. Once Helena was born, I told the nurse I wanted to breastfeed and we started right away. Helena latched on perfectly and nursed for 1/2 an hour on each breast. The nurse couldn't believe how good we were doing, and I built up this confidence that I was some breastfeeding goddess, lol, that got it right on the first try. I kept breastfeeding her in the hospital, and my latch must have become shittier and shittier, , with no nurse coming in to help me. My nipples became really cracked and bleeding, but I endured the pain and just kept doing it. On the 2nd night in the hospital, a nurse came in and gave Helena some formula, because I was so exhausted and she was obviously hungry and my milk hadn't come in yet. This was completely fine with me. After I went home, the home nurse came to visit the next day. She helped me out with my latch and it was great. I was nursing without pain. But then disaster struck and I developed Mastitis and had the worst night of my life. Now it is 8 days later, and each day I hate breastfeeding more and more. I have a nervous breakdown everyday around 4 pm about it. I really really want to switch to formula. My one boob is still red and sore from the mastitis. I am pumping that one and mostly pumping the other one and just bottle feeding her. I need to be able to have some sleep through out the day, and this way Brian can feed her (which he really enjoys) The home nurses keep calling me everyday and bullying me into breastfeeding. They make me feel like complete shit for giving her a bottle, and then I try to start breastfeeding her again and it goes well for one session and then the next all hell breaks loose again and all 3 of us (me, OH and baby) get so STRESSED OUT. Why do I feel guilty about switching to formula? Edited to add: I also have no problem with pumping and giving her my milk in a bottle. The nurses said this is a bad idea and that it will reduce my milk supply and that she won't be getting my hindmilk. I was thinking of renting a hospital grade pump from the hospital. Is anyone doing this and how is it working out for you?