Hello everyone, My name is Alana, I live in Nj, US. I am currently 10 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I am 20 years old. I am going through the most difficult time of my life. I married my high school sweetheart thinking we were the perfect match. We've been married a year now and recently found out about the pregnancy. It was not planned, but it is a blessing. I have no one to talk to because I havent gotten the courage to tell any of my family. My OH has turned into the biggest jerk of the planet. He has lately become verbally abusive, he is extremely jealous, paranoid. I had to file a restraining order on him about a month ago because he grabbed my arm and twisted it. He constantly accusing me of cheating lying. He hacked into my phone, all my email accounts. I really enjoy reading and listening to music and he claims every song or book i read has a secret meaning that has to do with him. He has been smoking pot for years now and i thought he was going to stop many times but as usual i am left with broken promises. My friends say that it could be the drugs that have turned him into a paranoid psycho, but i really dont know. Since I have found out about my pregnancy he has done nothing but make me miserable. He tells me i dont pay attention to him any more, that i never want to spend time with him, that i dont wana do anything with him. Ladies, Im sure all of you remember the difficulties of the first trimester and how even getting out of bed and eating became a chore. He has done nothing to be supportive and he has the nerve to tell me that he deserves to be with someone who appreciates him and loves him and doesnt yell at him. He tells me that i shouldnt have the baby if were not together but i told him to go to hell because i was having this baby with or without his help. He says i dont want a ******* child running around this world. I am at a loss of words and am i upset beyond belief. I feel so alone and scared and dont know where else to turn to. I am sorry this is so long, but after so many tears you become desperate and want to know that maybe someone else somewhere understands your pain. Thank you for reading, and I think this forum is filled with wonderful women who have overcome the impossible to be the best mothers they can. All of you are very inspirational.