New to this and very nervous... (long)

[saara24]

Hi all

I posted a few weeks back but only one or two people responded I'm not sure if it was because no-one could help, but I thought I'd try again.

Last time, I was panicking about work - we run our own business (shop & website) and I was sure I wouldn't be able to take time off either during pregnancy or after the birth, basically home from hospital and back to the computer...

Since then I've been thinking about it, and it'll be a major upheaval to the way I work but I think once I've re-organised all my stock and stuff I might be able to hand most of it over to someone else - my sis-in-law-to-be is not working at the moment so she could come in and train to help me with work before baby and then either help with work afterwards, or help with baby while I work.

So now I'm just plain petrified because it suddenly seems so much more real LOL. My IUD is due out in January after 5 years, but thinking about it it would make more sense to get it out October/November time - December -February would be ideal conceiving time as Christmas is really really busy for us (retail LOL!) and then up til March is very quiet so I would have some time to get used to the idea - then hopefully baba would be out by next Christmas and I might be able to muck in with the business again a little bit more than I would be able to heavily pregnant.

Anyways. All this is just speculation and my nervous rambling. I'm scared of the whole thing - being sick is a real phobia so I don't know how I'd get over that one - I'm the least maternal person you'll ever meet, so I don't know what I'll do with a baby when it arrives LOL - please tell me all these things just sort of fix themselves somewhere along the line!

I'm not even sure why I decided now would be a good time - the more I think about it, I should be putting it off for a few years still - but for some reason I don't want to.

Lovely hubby-to-be is being far too relaxed about it all LOL - whenever I want, he says he's good to go as he has no more things left that he wants to do before babies come along.

I have half a dozen things I still want to do LOL, but they can all be accomplished in a fortnight if need be.

Right. I shall stop now before I write War & Peace. Any input at all is appreciated.

 

[Chris77]

Welcome to BnB!

 

[honeybunch2k7]

Hi all



Anyways. All this is just speculation and my nervous rambling. I'm scared of the whole thing - being sick is a real phobia so I don't know how I'd get over that one - I'm the least maternal person you'll ever meet, so I don't know what I'll do with a baby when it arrives LOL - please tell me all these things just sort of fix themselves somewhere along the line!

.

That's why we're here lol. I think a lot of mothering is learned, maybe a bit of trial and error. I don't know if it comes naturally to everybody or even anybody.

The part in bold is how I felt. Then I got pregnant. That was a real motivator to learn!

 

[MimiUK]

Hi,

enjoy being able to vent in here! i get so frustrated with it all too and some days doubt if we will ever be able to conceive when we do finally start trying.

i also worry about work too! I hsve quite a high pressure job too that is just not suited to being a mum. so i know i will have to look for something else once i have finnished marternity. But it is up to each if us how we work it and what decisions we choose.

i spend my evenings learning web design at the minuite so i can have a job where i work from home.

sounds like you have a great support network there also.... i think that is essential!

x

 

[MimiUK]

p.s my best friend has a major sick phobia too, and she worries about the same thing. it is all about the ginger nuts and ready salted crisps!

 

[saara24]

Ready salted crisps. Mmmmm. I could cope with that

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Just wanted to say hi and good luck trying if you do start Also with the bit about being a mum/maternal, i'm not a mother myself but i know quite a few and most said it just kind of happens!

 

[passengerrach]

hi hun things will all work out im sure i dont really know anything constructive to say but i havnt been sick once m/s is like cravings some people have them some people dont it might help you to look at my poll on morning sickness tht iv just started. there is never a right time to have a baby really so just go for it if you think its what you want sorry if im not much help hun

 

[honeybunch2k7]

Oh yes, saltines were my savior. I was ok as long as I ate often enough. Actually, it was the prenatals that made me really sick, and I know quite a few people that had that complaint. Some people just take Flintstone's vitamins.

 

[Reedy]

I cant really be of any help just make sure its something you definitley want before you do it tho you cant turn the clock back once you get that
Good luck with everything Hun these girls are great
sorry not much help

 

[saara24]

Ha, don't say things like that Reedy - I need to go full steam ahead with everything in life without thinking about it too much, or I'd never leave bed (have a tendency to over-think and over-analyse absolutely everything and then have a full scale panic attack about how I can't possibly be expected to handle doing said thing)

Was thinking about this last night a bit, and I've decided that one very big reason I'm nervous is because, basically, I want my mum. This is a scary thing and much as I can talk to hubby-to-be's plethora of sisters, three of whom are mums themselves, or my own aunties or godmothers, it's just not the same.

I'll just have to be brave I guess. I'm sick of people coming to visit, showing them around and the first comment being 'it seems like such a waste having only two people living here' or 'geez, you must be planning a football team!'

Also, I have PCOS so who knows how long it'll take - I'm only 23 and have plenty of time but darling Marty Boy isn't getting any younger

 

[sam's mum]

It's totally normal to feel completely daunted by the idea of having a baby, don't worry - this site is brilliant though...I think I've probably learnt everything I know from here, or from making it up as I go along (I'm a good mum, honestly )

It's great that you'll have someone to help you out a bit with work - I just read your last post and it did sound as if work was your life, and you were somehow hoping just to fit a baby in where you could, without changing too much. One thing you will have to be prepared for is that everything will change, more than you can possibly imagine. Unless you're hoping to give birth and put your child straight into daycare, your baby will become your life, your priorities will never be the same, and there will be days where you don't have time to even think about work (I'm currently trying to do a few days of work - about 10 minutes at a time - which I thought would be easy to fit in at home while looking after Sam!)...and it's all totally worth it; being a mum is honestly the most wonderful thing in the world, and worth turning your life upside down for!

Anyway, just wanted to say hi and welcome to the forum! Good luck TTC x

 

[magicvw]

Hiya again! I replied to your other thread but thought i'd pop into this one too lol!

Don't worry about the feeling maternal thing chick. No it doesn't come naturally for everyone - it didn't for me anyway! BUT it does come! I found breast-feeding really really hard and felt like such a loser, but eventually we both got there (took about a week of screaming on both our parts!). Both our parents live back in the UK so we have had to figure out how to be parents pretty much on our own, and, well, you just pick it up as you go along really! Got a couple of good books for the technical stuff like how to sterilise bottles and that, but basically it's down to trial and error and a LOT of patience.

You sound like you have planned out how to cope with the business. That's good, but I warn you that things NEVER go to plan when it comes to ttc!

You will find plenty of advice and support on this site, so jump right in and share whatever's on your mind. Good luck hun!

 

[jesterjigger]

Wow, sounds like you have a full plate! I think that you have two good options as far as when to start trying (or three, if you count the years from now one). I have no advice for you in that area, but wanted to wish you luck in whatever you decide, and when you do begin to start trying. I have to admit, I feel mostly ready, and when we start trying in November I can't help but think a little bit of it will be fate, as in, if we're meant to have a baby now, we'll get pregnant, if not, we won't (at least, not right away).

 

[cazd]

Hi, I think I know how your other half feels !

We run our own company. We work from home so we don't have the customer problem but I'm ready for a family - there's no round the world trip I need to take or anything else I want to do...

My OH isn't ready - he wants a family but 'not yet'.
He's worried about our business and how we'll cope but I'm the one who's not worried - I'm sure we'll find a way.
I'm probably just being blinded by my new maternal drive!
but I do know plenty of business owners who have a family and keep their work flowing. It might take a little more planning but I'm sure you'll be fine.
At least you won't have to beg for time off or feel guilty about taking a few hours out!
I can't imagine anything worse than having bad morning sickness and being stuck to a desk all day..

I wasn't interested in having children all through my 20s.
But I think that turning 30 this year and then helping a close relative go through cancer treatment this year - made me realise that there's nothing more important than family.
Its like I've switched from being independent and carefree to... well... being ready!

We do have something else in common... I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 24 - They operated straight away so I've only got 1 ovary. Wonder how that'll affect everything?

If you do decide to TTC then don't worry about it - it sounds like you've got lots of people to support you and there seem to be plenty of experienced advisors on this site!

Sorry for rambling on your thread - I wish you the best of luck with everything.

xxxxxx

 

[saara24]

One thing I'm getting reassured about reading all these posts is that there always seems to be a way to cope, no matter what happens So I'm worrying less about the business thing - and now just worrying about the actual baby thing itself LOL - walking around the house, working away and making food and watching telly at night, and trying to picture it to include a baby and it's just stubbornly refusing to be pictured - I suppose I should enjoy the freedom while I've still got it

Best of luck to you too Cazd - I was diagnosed at 17 never having had a period, was told from the hormone test that there was nothing wrong and I was just too skinny, but they'd send me for an ultra-sound anyway just to make sure - and as soon as the nurse showed me a pic of my ovary I knew straight away myself, didn't even need her to tell me - text book case apparently, big black ring around both ovaries of little cysts that should have burst to release eggs but hadn't They still don't know why nothing shows on hormone tests, but the doctor didn't seem overly worried - he said that when I want to try, if nothing has happened after a year to go back and get pills to make ovulation happen.

They put me on bcp to bring on a period because I wanted to feel 'normal' and I've had periods on and off since then, even after I stopped all hormonal contraception. Sometimes they're even quite regular for a few months in a row Don't think there'll be much point in trying to monitor them or work out a cycle or anything like that though LOL - I'll just let nature take its course.

 

[cazd]

I had irregular periods until I was 15 when the doctors put me on the pill to get me regular! I kept mentioning my symptoms to various doctors until I happened to see a locum doctor when I was 24. She diagnosed me on the spot and 2 weeks later I had a pound of ready-to-burst-cyst and my ovary removed! They said my remaining ovary is healthy so fingers crossed!

Its weird how you say you can't picture having a baby - 'cos neither can I...
I see other people's children but don't associate them with me having my own.
I can't imagine what my home would be like with a screaming baby in it!
The sheer practicality is a bit overwhelming.
Its not just one task at a time - its 24-7.
But like you say - people just seem to get on with it.

Sounds like you've got a great dad-to-be though...
Between the two of you I bet you'll manage it no worries!

 

[Ratty]

You are one step ahead of where I was, at least you are wanting a baby. When I fell pregnant by accident I cried for 3 weeks because I wasn't ready. My career was just taking off, I was finally fit enough to start coming in the top 3 in mountain bike races, I was progressing really well with my sky diving, riding a lovely horse when I had the time etc etc. I didn't want to give it all up.

Now that I have my little boy I don't regret a thing. I won't deny that I miss my old life, but I am thoroughly enjoying my new life. Throughout the pregnancy I didn't feel maternal, didn't enjoying having a baby kicking my insides and was completely petrified that I wouldn't love my own baby, but the moment he was born and they gave him to me I knew that everything would be ok. Its the most amazing feeling.

I'm going back to work full time on the first of September and I'm dreading it because I don't want to be away from my little boy for that long. I'm already trying to work out a way to only work half days, bugger the career.

 

[makemeamammy]

I don't think work wise any time is a brilliant time for a woman but sometimes mother nature just kicks in even when it's not perfect. I am just going in to my final year of uni and mother nature has well and truely kicked in!!! i know it's not an ideal time but at least i will have my degree before bubba would come and then when i do start work i can work my way up and not worry about having to leave for a year or two to look after bub, does that make sense?? xxx

 

[magicvw]

and now just worrying about the actual baby thing itself LOL - walking around the house, working away and making food and watching telly at night, and trying to picture it to include a baby and it's just stubbornly refusing to be pictured - I suppose I should enjoy the freedom while I've still got it

He he - definitely make the most of your freedom hun! Don't worry about not being able to picture yourself with bubba. I was exactly the same. I was reading pg books and thinking things like ok, so they need feeding every 3 hours, so I should be able to get 2.5 hours of work in there, nip out to breastfeed, back to work etc etc. How wrong was I! No matter how I thought it would be, it was completely different! No one tells you that a feed every three hours can actually take 3 hours, then you have to go and change your top because you have milk and vom everywhere and as soon as you think you're ready to go the LO starts screaming again!!! Sorry, I just painted a really negative picture for you there, but it is TOTALLY worth it!