New to this feeling - feels terrible

[krulci]

We were told at our 13 week scan that we very clearly had a little boy, and I couldn't have been happier. We already have a boy, and after a loss and a growing age gap, I was relieved to know they'd have so much in common.

Today we had our 18 week scan. No dangly boy parts to be found. I haven't stopped crying since we found out, and I feel horrible. I know I'll love my daughter as much as my son, but truthfully, I'm TERRIFIED of little girls. I have yet to meet one that I wanted to keep forever for my own. Or think of one I wish my daughter would be like. I.. just... don't... bond with other women - young or old. I think part of my fear comes from my own mother, who dreamt of a daughter after 4 boys, but when she got me, she hated - and still hates - my personality. As much as we love each other, we have little to nothing in common. What if I have the same thing with my own daughter?! Again, can't stop sobbing.

 

[nickyb]

Aww Hun it will be different she will be yours unlike any other girl you've met she came from your love,
Your not your mother it will be fine don't worry

 

[wanting2more]

Hugs

We were told the same at our 13wk scan then at our 20wk no its a girl. Our son cried and cried. Dh hasnt said much at all since either. Ive been feeling truly awful. I have 2 daughters i love dearly and i know ill love this baby but for the mean time theres no nesting, no buying and we dont even have 1 name on our list for a girl.

 

[holly81]

**hugs**

I really feel for you and feel exactly the same about girls. All the barbies and tat and then I'll have a teenage girl one day? Urgh

Perhaps we need to try to stop thinking about it as best we can and just love the little bundle that pops out x

 

[ajlj1126]

We were told at our 13 week scan that we very clearly had a little boy, and I couldn't have been happier. We already have a boy, and after a loss and a growing age gap, I was relieved to know they'd have so much in common.

Today we had our 18 week scan. No dangly boy parts to be found. I haven't stopped crying since we found out, and I feel horrible. I know I'll love my daughter as much as my son, but truthfully, I'm TERRIFIED of little girls. I have yet to meet one that I wanted to keep forever for my own. Or think of one I wish my daughter would be like. I.. just... don't... bond with other women - young or old. I think part of my fear comes from my own mother, who dreamt of a daughter after 4 boys, but when she got me, she hated - and still hates - my personality. As much as we love each other, we have little to nothing in common. What if I have the same thing with my own daughter?! Again, can't stop sobbing.

I was the same way when I found out DD was a girl. I was so convinced she was going to be a boy! I had a similar (but a little worse) relationship with my mother, she is a horrible person and we have never gotten along. I did not understand one bit how I could ever learn to bond with a girl when I never had a bond with my mother. It didn't even register to me. DH and I left my ultrasound that day, he was ecstatic, and I was in tears. He took me shopping immediately after to pick out clothes for the baby and I picked blue and green outfits, because I still couldn't face having a girl.

I have to say, now, my daughter is my everything. It sounds corny and typical but she is just so perfect and beautiful and has such a sweet endearing personality and everyone who gets to know her falls in love with her too. I will admit, unlike other moms, I did not bond with her the minute they put her on my chest after I pushed her out. It took me a few days. I had hoped, even going in to the delivery room, that it was all a giant mistake and she would come out with a penis. Sounds crazy but I was still disappointed when she didn't.. But like I said she definitely burrowed her way into my heart and I love her more than life now. I have no doubt you'll feel the same.

 

[motherofboys]

There was a time when I only wanted boys. I don't get on well with girls/women, I have a terrible relationship with my mother, I was brought up in an environment where we were told how superior boys were. I felt that if I had boys they would be safer from a lot of the dangers of the world and the horrible things I went through. Besides, when I was growing up I much prefered my brother (twins, 13 months younger than me) toy, and the boys films, and I was such a tomboy. I thought I'd rather have boys because I'd know I had things in common with them, and I'd know that I'd find their toys so cool I'd be spoilt for choice when shopping for them. Boys stuff rules. Girls stuff, was just unappealing and girls were scary. I figured that if I wanted a larger family I'd get a mix of genders but I really hoped I'd get a boy or 2 first. I wasn't worried about boys bonding with girls as I was always so close to my brothers.
Now I have 4 of them. And man do I wish I had a girl too.
I've experienced the disappointment of wanting one gender and getting the other, but what you've had, being told boy then girl, is been given a chance to dream and imagine what that baby will be like and what life with them will be like. Now its been taken away. You need to give yourself time to get used to it. Time to adjust. Remember you are not your mother, and your LOs will bond as siblings, regardless of gender. When that baby gets here, dangly bits or none, you will love them so much you won't be able to believe you ever felt sad over their gender.

 

[Carly.C]

Awww, I'm sure all mothers with girls reading this will be thinking you'd change your mind if you met my daughter! If your daughter is anything like mine, you'll be besotted with her! I've never felt maternal, not even a flicker when I saw a newborn but since becoming a mother 14 months ago it's all changed and it's all because of the little girl that looks for me when she's hurt and that ca lls for me when she wants to get up in the morning, she's just amazing. I hope and pray you feel the same, in fact...... I guarantee you will.
I look forward to reading a similar post from you this time next year x
P.S we found out last week we have DD2 on the way, we couldn't be happier xxxxx

 

[Rhio92]

xxxxxxx

 

[Kasey84]

It's ok to feel disappointment. Don't beat yourself up over it!

I can totally relate...only I desperately wanted a girl and ended up with a boy! I'll admit that I'm a girly girl and I get girls...boys though, not so much.

After finding out the sex at our 20 week ultrasound, I cried for days. I mourned all the things I imagined I would get to do with the little girl I expected to have. I had no idea what I would do with a little boy and was worried that we wouldn't bond. I felt terribly guilty for feeling this way, especially sice I had previously miscarried (and really all the matters is a healthy baby right)?

I remember writting about it on this forum and when people told me that I would love my son when he arrived, I still had doubts....but they were right of course!

After a few days of tears I accepted that I would be having a boy. We picked out a name and I started buying boy things- I found that this helped! It didn't take long for me to adapt to the idea and even become excited.

My little boy is my world and I wouldn't trade him for anything...not even the girl I thought I wanted

I'm sure you'll love your little girl to pieces and your relationship will be what you make it...doesn't have to be like you and your mom.