Newbie saying Hi! (TTC #1 with chronic pain & ovulation problems)

[CdnEquestrian]

Just thought i'd say hi. Please don't judge me...but I feel like a horrible person and I just needed some support, so I thought it was time to join a board.

I just found out that my friend is pregnant.

I've been trying to get pregnant for the last year...
She's been with her boyfriend for 3 months, is living at home with her parents, has been to jail twice (once for stealing her friend's mom's car and totaling it, and the other time for punching a pregnant girl she got into a fight with), has had intermittent drug abuse problems (narcotics mostly) and has PCOS. She decided that since her other friends were having babies, she wanted one too...so after being with this random guy for 3 months, she SOMEHOW convinced her doctor to put her on clomid, and got pregnant on her first cycle.

Awesome.

They're now broken up, and she's whining about being tired all the time, but thinks that having a baby will be lots of fun.

I'm 27, DH is 38...and we have 2 teenaged daughters from his previous marriage, one of which is coming to live with us. The other lives with her mom. They are 16 and 17 years old. (The 16 year old is coming to live with us...but both have lived with us off and on over the last few years).

I also have a condition called ankylosing spondylitis that is severe and requires daily narcotics. I am waiting to see a specialist in rheumatology which I have waited to see for a year, and I FINALLY got an appointment on December 5th....so YAY!

That said, when I told the friend that we were TTC, she tried to make me feel like I shouldn't be TTC because of the meds I take, and even told me that SHE got off all the drugs she was taking because she's SUCH a good mom. Seriously? I CAN'T choose to just "get off the meds". I've been on these meds for the last 12 years and without them, I cannot get out of bed. Period.

So now, I feel like I don't DESERVE to TTC because I take narcotics, and how do other moms with chronic pain on these meds manage to have babies?

I also want to talk to my doctor about going on clomid or getting some kind of help because my cycles have been all over and I haven't had a period in the last 4 months...but i'm not sure what she would say about my plans to TTC. As selfish as it sounds, I kind of just wanted to "spring it on her" as an "oops, got pregnant!" and deal with it after the fact so she couldn't judge me.

I was off BC for the last year, but went back on it this month to try get my cycles going again. I'm going to try vitex too, if I can find some. I know I need to talk to my doctor about this, but i'm so worried that she's going to judge me or convince me that I cannot have a child like this...and I so DESPERATELY want a baby. We're in a position now that I can be a stay at home mom, and DH is on a medical leave right now, so could help look after me while i'm pregnant, as i'll likely be bed-ridden for a good portion of it.

So....that's my pity party. Cookies or red velvet cupcakes for anyone who made it through all that.

I really hope to get to know you all better. Sometimes you just need the support of someone who knows the kind of poop you're wading through at the moment...

 

[AC1987]

Aww I noticed no one replied..

I can't say I relate to you and what you're going through but just wanted to say hang in there and listen to what your doctor says and your gut feeling about your meds

 

[itakp]

Mine´s a cupcake, please

I work in health care and know a bit about chronic pain (as well a suffer from it in my back, try not to take any meds and put up with it, managing so far). All I have got to say is that just check with your rheumatologist that none of the meds you´re on are toxic to fetuses and if they are, you have to gradually swap them for meds that aren´t. In 12 years there´s been a lot of development in meds for chronic pain and there is always a way around these obstacles! You are a brave lady and deserve a baby as much as anyone else, you did not ask for your crippling condition and certainly did not choose all the pain that comes with it.

GL with your `project´ and

 

[hellohefalump]

You obviously really want a baby, and you'll find a way round the meds like the above poster said. Good luck xx

 

[cochy115]

I think you deserve to be a mom like anyone else. A doctor who judges you for it shouldn't be your doctor! There are lots of women on meds who have successful pregnancies. I have to say though that the responsible thing to do would be to talk to your doctor. There may be some work arounds. Not just for your health's sake but for the baby as well. Good luck!

 

[1glowbug]

I am also a chronic pain patient ttc. and i know exactly how you feel! We have to work that much harder for what many people find normal and easy! But we deserve to be moms just as much as the next person! and i refuse to let anyone (even a doctor) tell me differently! i know i am meant to be a mother! With every fiber of my being i know this.
it will be hard and i will most likely be on bed rest for most of the pregnancy and i know there will be times when i will be kicking myself for wanting to be pregnant when the pain is so mindblowingly bad, but i cannot imagine my life with out being a mother. i joke with my husband because i really want two children and says "make it through one pregnancy and well see" and he's right. at this point i will be happy just to be a mom with a healthy baby!

I have been planing my pregnancy for almost 2 years! first step was to save up as much money as possible since i knew i would never be able to work and lower my meds in any way and obviously i'd like to be on as minimal as possible. step two was to meet with a high risk OBGYN and discuss my condition and meds to see what he felt would be ok and what would be off limits. step three was unfortunately having surgery as i had a large cyst that was not going away for the year of my preplanning (which i discovered as i suspected due to the pelvic pain and other symptoms throughout my life) that i have endometriosis - goodie another lifelong painful condition as if the spinal pain wasn't enough). so i continued the pill after surgery until i was absolutely ready to start trying. step 4 was to discuss with my RE my plan to try to conceive and insured that he was willing to work with the High Risk OBGYN and insure that he would feel comfortable treating me through out my pregnancy. step 5 was to finally step down from my work and cut back my hours (this took 10 months to do, lol i guess i am a bit of a workaholic). But, i am finally working part time from home. and we are now just starting to ttc. wish me luck please!! the pelvic pain is really unbearable off bc pills so a speedy pregnancy would be a dream come true! at least that painful condition will be in remission while prego!

i would not recommend springing a pregnancy on a pain management doctor as they may very well drop you! i have heard horror stories during my many searches for information on chronic pain and pregnancy. it made me really nervous to talk to my doc about it, but it went just fine. he was not judging me at all, he just openly discussed options and plans. i do think he felt calmer about it knowing that i had already done my homework and saw a high risk OBGYN and was prepared to discuss what he thought and pass along his info so they could communicate one on one should they ever need to. but for some docs they will never be comfortable medicating a pregnant woman. keep in mind they are people too with families to support, and a law suit could ruin them so thy choose not to put themselves in a position where it may be possible. so should your doctor be one of these docs that just aren't willing to help, you don't want to find this out after your pregnant. this is a stress you do not want while you are pregnant. if your doctor is not comfortable discussing it with you before hand then take the time to find a doc who is. This is your life and the life of your baby. the bodies reaction to extreme pain can be very bad for an unborn baby. it is not ideal by any means to be on medication while pregnant but sometimes it is necessary and you need to find someone who is willing to treat both the mother and the baby. And who is willing to work closely with a high risk OBGYN who fully understand what will by ok for the baby and when (as different times throughout the pregnancy require different treatments). they are out there, and you want them on your side from the start! you will need a strong team to insure that both you and your baby are safe.
also, if you have been trying for a year, you may want to get checked for any other issues that may be preventing pregnancy.

you should not be afraid to go to the OBGYN to insure everything is optimal for pregnancy just because your a Chronic Pain patient. again, if you feel they are judging you, find one who is more sympathetic to your needs.
there are many ignorant people in the world, and sometimes you have too just let them be and know in your heart you are doing whats best for you and your family. even your friends who don't understand, well then just let there comments roll off your back and talk to the friends that do understand - Chronic pain and pregnancy forums are a great place to find support.

i have been in pain for the past 12 or so years of my life, and i have tried every treatment under the sun and could own a house, a boat and a small plane instead, but i tried everything i could to get better. at this point it is time for me to focus on my dreams with the body i have! and i deserve it!

whoa, sorry that was so long, but i am very passionate about being able and deserving to be a mother despite chronic pain. for so many it is a hush hush topic, its sad... we deserve to want to get pregnant and to be giddy and talk about it just like everyone else. you dream of becoming a mother from a young age and it is supposed to be the happiest time of your life! you should be able to talk about it, not feel shame. i guess its just another thing chronic pain tries to take away from us. don't let it!! we can have healthy happy babies!! it just takes a bit more work!