Newborn and toddler - advice needed

[Iren_iren]

Hi ladies!
I need bit of advice or just to see how everyone else are doing it

My little girl is a week old and i have 3 year old son.

I love my new baby so much as well as my son, but cant stop feeling guilty that he has to share me now and i also cant give baby full attention.

DS been looked after by grandma and then went to nursery, so he used me not being there all the time.
While my little girl sleeps, i do all the meals with DS, nursery pickups and bedtime routine, but i think he gets jeleous seejng me bf and cuddling baby, generally more irritatable.
It breaks my heart seeing him being upset

When did your toddlers got used to having another baby in the family? In a month? Two? Six?

What activities/where do you go with your baby and toddler? I have no idea how i will handle both of them alone once the help will be gone. DS runs around and does not always listen, so i be scared to go even to the park with two of them.

Any advice is really appreciated.

 

[mummytobe_93]

I have a 20 month age gap so probably more like a year and a bit smaller than yours, however I felt very guilty to begin with and cried a lot which I think most mums feel like.

My 20 month daughter hated me the first week I felt like I had betrayed her I felt awful. However slowly over time it just became the new normal and she accepted it. Now she doesn't ever remember a time that she didn't have a younger brother. Your son is a bit older so there might be w bit more jealously and might take a bit longer. However it sounds like you're doing really well. Best thing to do is keep on doing the bed time routine as normal get him to help as much as possible with the baby by getting nappies and wipes etc so he feels involved. If you can put the baby down when sleeping so you can get some quality time with your son. Be it sitting in the sofa to watch a film or bake with him etc.

Just give him as much time as possible.

Honestly for us the TV has been on far too much but it has helped. When my son is sleeping which he did a lot to begin with I used to put him in his Moses basket and make sure I spent that time colouring with my daughter, playing with sticker books, puzzles etc and gave her more kisses and hugs than usual so she didn't feel left out.

Honestly it will all work out and in w few weeks I'm sure you'll feel a lot better. Try and get out the house when you feel well enough and do what your son wants to do by going the park etc.

Honestly I do whatever I always use to do with my daughter and my baby comes with me he has just slotted in. However first few weeks took quite a lot of adjustment for us all. Also read the poem 'loving two' it's so lovely and will make you feel better I read it when I'm feeling guilty and down x

 

[Bun87]

My little boy is 2.5 years and I have a 12 week old little girl. All I can say is how you are feeling is so normal. I'm only 12 weeks in and it is starting to feel like being 3 of us is just our new normal. I felt so guilty at the beginning, dd was attached to me and I felt like I was neglecting DS. However we have gotten into our own little routine and I make sure that DS gets lots of snuggles when I can. DD sleeps in a carrier most of the day still and so I sit at the table and do activities like playdough, painting, drawing etc with DS. I still have hard days but they are getting less frequent! X

 

[Twag]

I have a 21 month old and a 2 week old and honestly my son played up more when my husband was home than he has for just me the last few days (dh went back to work Wednesday)

My son adores his baby sister and my main issue is him being a little overzealous with her!

Bedtime seems to be a difficult time for us as he doesn't want to go to bed and has always been so good at bedtime

It is hard and I have found baby wearing a god send as I can deal with my son and still have baby girl close by

 

[Bebedeux]

I have a 21month difference and my DH is home 6days a month so it's literally me and the two kiddos full time. And honestly it's not that bad. The minute DD goes down I make time for DS we go outside, read books and play cars. DS is fine with DD always cuddling and loving her. DS was put out initially as it was just the 2 of us for nearly two years and he had to stay at my inlaws for 2days whilst I was in hospital then my DH was home for 2weeks (we were all put out by that) so big changes. He's settled down now.
Give it time but always get out at least once a day you need it.

 

[Mrsb3]

When your baby starts walking and playing, your toddler will be able to play too and appreciate having a sibling. Mine are 1 and 2 and are now the best of friends

 

[Iren_iren]

Thank you all for advice and reassurance! It made me feel better and that all is possible and we all get used to new routine just takes time
I am sure once baby will be more interactive, they could do more things together

 

[Iren_iren]

When your baby starts walking and playing, your toddler will be able to play too and appreciate having a sibling. Mine are 1 and 2 and are now the best of friends

I hope so. Looking forward to that!

 

[SarahBear]

It's good for the older one to know the world doesn't revolve around them, but it is a hard lesson to learn. As for the younger, they'll never know to expect any different. For us, it got better after a month and progressively better from there.

 

[wishingonastar]

21 month gap between my first two. I felt guilty and felt like I had no time with my eldest and whereas before she would tend to want me as soon as her sister arrived she switched to being content with daddy so I felt rejected.

Ways I adapted/survived once hubby returned to work:
- made a timetable of what activities were on each day locally, whether they were free or not and indoor or outdoor so whatever the weather and money situation I had options
- when feeding baby I sat in floor to play with toddler or got them to bring a book to sofa
- wore baby in a carrier around house and out so my arms were free for toddler
- tried to have little bit of time with just toddler each day when hubby home so they had my undivided attention for at least a smidge

 

[wishingonastar]

Oh and get toddler to help with fetching you odds and ends and give masses of praise when they help with things to do with baby like getting a nappy so they see being nice and involved with baby as rewarding

 

[weedle]

I have a 3 year old and a 7 week old and it's only been the last week things have started to settle. My eldest got very demanding in the first few weeks but I'm starting to see the light at the end of tunnel. Tbh I didn't do anything special, he just got used to him really and used to the fact he has to wait while I'm feeding/changing/cuddling baby. I always ask if he would like to help but never push it, generally he prefers to play with his toys than help me change his brothers stinky bum