no good

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Mynxie, Jul 20, 2007.

  1. Mynxie

    Mynxie Well-Known Member

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    I feel incompetent as a woman, as a wife

    Not only am i disabled and I've ruined hubbys life, but I can't carry his baby, then when i finally get pregnant 2 years later, i lose that one too....oh and further more, my body doesn't do the normal miscarriage thing. bleed and expel, oh not, that would be too normal for my stupid body, instead it absorbs the baby, sac and all,. so not only did my body kill my baby, but it absorbed it and destroyed it

    feel helpless and useless

    flat a bomb site, granted what housework i can do is limited but even that I cant be bothered with.

    i feel like if my babies cant be here with me, i wanna be there with them, but I couldn't do that to my husband, i love him too much to hurt him like that.

    I can't even express how i feel in drawing or painting, coz my stupid hand wont let me, it just doesn't do as its told, irrespective of the pain of holding a pencil, it doesn't bloody well do as it's told! I'm not ready to write poems for that little one yet.

    poor hubby doesn't know what to do. we deal with it so differently to each other.

    sorry for whinging

    just dont know what to do

    I want answers and no one can give them to me!!!!

    its just wrong

    all those people who don't want babies....all those who mistreat their children, it's not right

    and my damn jeans still don't fit yet
     
  2. Suz

    Suz ~ I are a Nerd ~

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    :hugs: Awe Hun. I dont know what to say. I am so sorry for the way you are feeling. But just remember, your hubby is with you. Your a team. And he loves you. Im so sorry for the way you are feeling.:hugs:
     
  3. Amanda

    Amanda Mum of 3

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    Oh hunnie, I've no idea what to say to you, I just didn't want to read and run.

    I have no idea what you are going through, apart from my small experience with my ex-husband who was disabled, but he was a lazy-arse who didn't want to do anything, and you sound so frustrated as you do want to do things, and can't.

    As for the m/c's, are they related to your disability? Or can they not give you any reason behind them? My guess is that they can't say why you have had them, but because you are feeling low, you are blaming yourself and your disability?

    I have been lucky in that I have never mc myself, but I have relations and friends that have, and they have all blamed themselves in some way or another. It was that glass of wine, it was that fag, it was the jogging, it was because I wasn't sure I wanted it, it was the rare steak, there are a number of reasons women blame themselves, but on most occassions there is no explanation.

    I know it is hard, but please try not to blame yourself. You will get though this, hard as it seems now, and we are all here to help you.:hugs:

    Rant away, scream away, and please don't apologise for whinging.:hugs: :hugs: You will get though this hun.:hugs:
     
  4. Mynxie

    Mynxie Well-Known Member

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    thanks

    dunno if the RSD had anything to do with it tbh. Of course I have my suspicions...

    something i feel most guilty for is that I don't feel pain like everyone else, cause the pain in my limbs is so high, normal pain i don't notice most of time, so I don't even know if I hurt. 1st MC I felt it, but it wasn't painful as such, this time I didn't. I felt stuff but I assumed it was stretching and stuff. So I feel guilty for not hurting and I feel guilty for not knowing, my shape changed, but i thought it was just bloating that had gone down, but I didn't know til the scan and it was what I was most afraid of.
     
  5. Jo

    Jo I'm an old bag!

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    First of all missus you are not whinging!!:hugs:
    Please don't ever think that, we are here for you to support you:hugs:

    Secondly please don't think you have ruined your hubbys life, i don't know much if anything at all about your disability but i am more than sure that he doesn't think his life is ruined he is with you beacuse he loves you

    Miscarriages happen for a number of reasons hun and in a number of ways, don't blame yourself for how yours happend, and as for not feeling any pain or anything, i didn't either hun, i had no pain or discomfort what so ever.

    I still think to myself now more than 3yrs later was it something i did or didn't do, it is perfectly normal to feel like that, but you have to give yourself time to greive

    I'm sorry i don't know what else to say babe
    But as Amanda said rant and scream away as much as you like, we are here for you :hugs:
     
  6. Tezzy

    Tezzy Mum of 2 TTCAL

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    :hugs::hugs::hugs: i already spoke to you on msn xx
     
  7. Imi

    Imi .

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    Hun its nobodys fault when we Mc ...

    It takes time and its a hard thing to get through but im 100% sure your hubby wouldn't want you thinking or feeling like this.

    Awww hunni it takes time, just take one day as it comes

    xxx
     
  8. Trinity

    Trinity Well-Known Member

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    Didnt want to read and run hun :hugs::hugs::hugs:

    I am so sorry for what you are going through and for the way you are feeling. I agree with the others .. your husband is with you because he loves you and i am sure that he does not think you have ruined his life at all.

    Dont ever apologise for ranting and screaming .. we are all here for you to support you and help you in any way we can. :hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  9. sian

    sian Well-Known Member

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    :hugs:natt gary loves you for you he loves you regardless of your disability. you know we're here for you when ever you want a moan whinge or cry. you've done it for some of us so now its our turn for you. your a great person strong funny and sometimes a pain try not to run yourself down. you will be a fantastic mum and your baby will have special angels to look after it.

    when you feel down remember what megan says your baby is playing with ours and the baby duck in the stars.
    your babies keeping mine company till we can join them tc hun xxx
     
  10. Wobbles

    Wobbles WoBbLeWoBbLe
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    Sian that is so sweet x

    I spoke with you in PM hunny I do hope the pain eases for you soon. Its natural to think how you are hun but you have to know acting on it would cause much pain to those hurting with you ... your hubby :hugs: I'm sure you wouldn't act on it I felt the same so many times myself - try & remember those that love you family, hubby & friends :hugs: x
     

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