No, I don't want to hold your baby!

[crossedfinger]

I haven't visited this site in several months, but I had to turn somewhere to vent. I feel so alone. My daughter is 20 months old; we tried for 7 months before having a miscarriage, and then only had to try once more after that to become pregnant with my daughter. So it was pretty quick the first time around. I naively thought that this time would be the same way. I was wrong. It's now been 14 months and counting...
Most of the SAHMs I'm friends with are either pregnant with their second child or just had a second child. I go back and forth between feeling happy for them and being jealous of them. I CAN'T hold their babies. It makes me so upset; I bawl my eyes out later when I'm alone. But it's like they don't understand. I make up some excuse for why I can't hold the baby when I'm offered, but I know that they just don't get it.
So depressed.

 

[missk1989]

Hey hun. Many of us have been there. I stare at baby bumps in the street without realising some days and catch myself stretching to catch a glimpse of a baby and then walking away with tears in my eyes. Fingers crossed for you.

 

[crossedfinger]

Thanks missk1989. Just having you respond makes me feel like I'm not alone in this. I just wish that I'm not offending any of my friends when I turn down their offers to hold their babies. Their babies are cute, but I just can't do it. It's more out of sadness for myself than anything to do with them.

 

[babyjan]

Hey

I know how it feels! I got pregnant very quick with my son and now I've been trying for #2 since August 2013!

Everywhere I go I see babies. I always feel jealous.. Sad I know but it just makes me really upset and I can't help it! If I go out I see bumps or little babies. I bloody had to overhear a conversation about 3d scans on the bus the other day!

Then there's this website! I mean there's woman on here who I've been part of threads with who all got pregnant successfully, given birth and now back ttc! I even saw one complaining the other day about not getting in a bfp on first month of trying for baby no2 bear in mind her baby is only 8 months!

All of this just makes me angry/sad/upset/annoyed... A whole bunch of emotions

 

[crossedfinger]

babyjan, I understand. It makes me upset when I overhear other moms at playgroups talking about their pregnancies or how hard it is with two kids. Yeah, I get it that things might be hard with two kids, but I want that!!!
And my closest mom friend IRL just had a baby, and her oldest is younger than mine. You're right, it sucks seeing other women able to get pregnant so quickly.

 

[boobear2872]

Same for me. I have my sons, then I been pregnant several times that have not made it. I have now been ttc for well over two yrs and this is my second RE. When I see other women pregnant or women with babies or just younger children, I get so sad inside. By the time I get to my car and home, im unusually sobbing by that time. I have a few friends tell me , what am I crying about. Im blessed with two healthy children. That I should pull myself together and just be grateful. Wasnt that so supportive? People that have not gone through all this dont seem to get why we are so broken up over this. I know everyone is allowed to feel as they feel . When I also see women who only been ttc a month, then complaints that they dont know if they could keep Going on like this. Truley makes me SMH. Have they not seen women who been trying for yrs?? Who had multiple losses, early and late. Yet there complaining that Its just not happening less then three months and are now discussing to see a specialist. Only to make It go faster. I dont get It and reading something like that saddens me even more. A gourmet meal takes time to make, so does a baby..you have one chance In a whole month to get pregnant, less then three months time , Is not a long time. Im sorry your dealing with this, if u ever want to chat if always around for a listen (hug)
I hope that didnt sound unfeeling or mean . . I just know what ur feeling when u see stuff like that.. (gentle hug)

 

[scollins04]

totally know what your on about my neighbour who I don't talk to had a child before she moved in we both got pregnant roughly the same time we had those kids and in the time ive been trying for my second shes had no3 and no4
another friend whos is only a online friend as lives in America and im in uk shes just announced her 3rd baby her 1st is special needs and 2nd is around 1 yr old and all 3 will of been born in the years ive been ttc#2
also another person I went to school with whos 1 yr younger then me and used to bully me shes pregnant with no5

over 6 years for me trying for second baby and on 1st may I had a miscarriage 2 days after finding out I was pregnant
1st baby took 3 years to get and also had a miscarriage at 7+3 after the 1st year

 

[Moma Ali]

I know nobody likes to hear it and not trying to squash your feeling as it suck when you hhave a plan that doesnt work but medically 14 cycles isnt that long only 2 past 'average' standard for getting pregnant under normal conditions and then they say it take a year for your body to settle back and your hormone to relax (longer if your breastfeeding or tired) which can be normal when you have such a young child already to look after so you body might only just be returning to fertility now

its been 6 years for us (long past settling and hormon clearing) and in that time basically everyone I know who has children has had 3 or more just in the time ive been trying and I cant explain to my DS why theres no siblings to play with and hes all alone, it amazes me their are people who can have such small gaps between pregnancies their bodies must be super human because its definatly not natural

I avoid all babies now... managed to make it through a christening only a month after losing my baby without seeing/holding the child but its get harder each time, think im pretty bitter by now *grumble*

 

[maidenkates]

babyjan, I understand. It makes me upset when I overhear other moms at playgroups talking about their pregnancies or how hard it is with two kids. Yeah, I get it that things might be hard with two kids, but I want that!!!
And my closest mom friend IRL just had a baby, and her oldest is younger than mine. You're right, it sucks seeing other women able to get pregnant so quickly.

I feel this! One of my friends actually told me to be happy I couldn't get pregnant because 2 is harder than she thought.... Who the hell doesn't know that adding another human to the mix would be harder?!? They will never understand! That is why it's nice to have forums

 

[nnaime]

My cousin got pregnant on accident kind of young, she had her baby, and right around his first birthday she got pregnant again but this time she aborted the baby. My mother tried to keep her from telling me because she knows we've been trying and to have her just throw away this glorious gift just kills me inside. My fmily teases me when her son acts up "do you really want one of these??" YES I would give anything for this.
My husband thinks this is my fault, and it probably is but I want this more than anything in the world