no one cares

[lynney]

i had an eprc done on wednesday, it was my 3rd miscarriage, other two were natural.

I have been maintaining that i am ok because in a way i am, but i am not strong. My in laws are acting if nothing has happened. They went on holidays when i went in for my erpc, it was a last minute holiday, leaving us with no one to mind out dd. My mum had to travel for 3 hours to where i live to mind my dd & she is only after surgery herself.

Id know for a week that I would have to have the procedure done. During that week my mil had to go to an event. When she came home the only thing she told me about was this woman that was there with her baby of 6weeks, how beautiful the baby was, how well behaved etc. She at NO stage asked me how I was etc & dh's excuse for her was that "that is just how she is". My inlaws live practically next door & i see them every day so it's not like we are strangers to each other or anything.

when they got back from their holiday (they never rang to see how i got on), mil brought my dd back a baby doll that cries. I didn't know if i was being over sensitive but i thought it was so thoughtless, tactless/ tasteless.....when we went to collect our dd mil said to dd "go show mammy your new babydoll".....like wtf? Is she trying to make me cry. She has all but ignored me & not in an "im trying to avoid you" type way, but in a im just not speaking to you way.

Today i brought dd into dh's work, where he works with his dad & brother. I had god dd a big chocolate doughnut. She left it in dh's work while we went 2 minutes up the road on a message, when we got back bil said laughing "i ate your dd's doughut", i told him he'd have to tell her because she knew it was there & was looking forward to her treat. Fil met me in the door smiling saying bil had ate the doughnut & id have to get another one. I said "oh ffs, no im not", he turned around & said "jesus you get excited over the smallest thing" & walked off laughing.....

Yes I am probably over sensitive at the moment but I think I am allowed to be. Dh never said anything to me so I just left. They all seem to think I should just pull my socks up & get on with things. I am doing my best but am I not allowed to be sad? I'm not looking to be able to get away with murder because i've "had another miscarriage" but surely they could be nicer.

When I said it to dh about mil buying the stupid crying babydoll he said "oh mum wouldn't have even thought about you having the mc".....well does that not say A LOT about her the oul bitch.

I am sorry for the long, probably incoherent rant I just feel so hard done by. I know that sounds melodramatic but it's like no one gives a shit at all.....

I rang my mum this morning to talk to her, after i'd told her about the doll etc she goes "well anyway" & launched into a story about her neighbour....like she was waiting on me to finish....I'm just to tired & annoyed.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I don't think you are overreacting, I think your MIL is a selfish terribly insensitive person and for that I am so sorry I am so sorry for your loss . Your MIL could of least asked how you were feeling if nothing else at least ask? What is her problem? People don't realize how hurt we are and the pain of loosing our baby. I lost Ava at 18 and half weeks. I gave birth to her in my bathroom and we buried her on 3/11/11 and I am still completely lost over it My family has not been that bad but they do think I should move on already, I forgive them cause I know they have NO idea of how I feel and the never will . You need time to heal and a person to talk to, stay away from them and tell your husband how you are feeling. I don't know if that maybe it is your mother in laws way of dealing with the loss or she is truly a terrible person. I am so sorry and just know I care and so do many here also. XOXOXOXO

 

[lynney]

thank you. I think mil is just a horrible horrible person.

i have one friend i have been talking to but starting to feel like all i do is give out & complain to her......

can't talk to dh as he just keeps saying he doesn't know what i want him to do, truth is neither do i.......

 

[WTBmyBFP]

That's so awful...I'm so sorry!! The only people who truly understand what it's like are those who have been through it.

 

[shirlls]

lynney, I am sorry for your losses. I could write a book about some people's insensitivity to me about my 2 miscarriages. They just carry on like nothing has happened and some almost go out their way in front of me to talk about pregnancy, babies, etc as though they get some weird kick out it!!! It makes me sick how some people can be so insensitive but you need to have been there to know how it feels. The good news is, for every ignorant and insensitive person, there will be several who are sensitive and DO care.

Hugs, try to not let it get to you, take your own time to grieve and try to only share company with and talk to those who show they care otherwise you will only get wound up and more upset.

You can always come on here to vent whenever you like as we understand!

xxxxx

 

[abbie1992]

i just dont know how you keep your mouth shut!

 

[ctimi16]

Your post made me so angry. Not at you, but at all those people around you who don't even TRY to understand. My inlaws and I don't have a good relationship so I didn't really expect any support from them. I didn't get it either...Noone understand why, one month after my d&c, I am still in a hole. The surgery went well, I am more or less ok, so what's the fuss about. Someone said to me the other day while shopping.."It must be hard for you to see the baby aisles...". It felt soo good. And she's not even a close friend or anything. But that simple phrase meant a lot. It would take so little from the people we love to make us feel better...

Sending you lots of love and I am here if you need a chat.

 

[Mrskg]

so sorry for your losses and for all the idiots around you I'm so glad you can come on here and rant that's what we are all here for x