No sex drive for me. Husband getting mad!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by cooper2010, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. cooper2010

    cooper2010 Well-Known Member

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    Im so irratated with my husband right now. I (even before pregnancy) have a very low sex drive. Perhaps there is something wrong with me but I will re-evaluate that in a few months after baby. Anyways, this whole pregnancy I only wanted to have sex 2-3times. I just don't have that same desire that my OH does. Its really frustrating.

    Well last night, I though ok tonight I will give in to "his" needs, which isn't really a big deal. So TMI but we started and I said to wait...then I took a few seconds to decide that I had to get up and go to the bathroom. (I was kind of gassy and bloated and just over all uncomfortable. It doesn't help that the baby was moving around at this time too).

    I told him, sorry I was just not comfortable, and my stomach hurt. He said with quite the attitude that its been a long time. I was thinking, does he really want to do this when I am gassy? REALLY??? LOL :)

    I just can't beleive he is acting like this, and he does not understand that I physically don't have the need like he does. What in the world can I do? I don't even like to kiss or snuggle....Im a real turn on right now! I can understand his frustration, but honestly that is not going to change how I feel! I will never force myself to have sex if I don't want to, but as a married couple should I be forcing myself?
     
  2. hulahoop09

    hulahoop09 Mum to lg and pg #2

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    I used to have high sex drive but for yrs it has been real low whereas hubbys is v high. He isnt too bad tbh but i understand he does get frustrated. At the moment we havent dtd since start of april as i have had thrush and he has been quite understanding. I think sometimes men can think with their trousers and not understand we can get frustrated with ourselves! Lol.

    Xx
     
  3. Clover Jane

    Clover Jane Guest

    Same boat here. My sex drive was once a match for hubby's, but it's been decreasing for years, and it's totally gone since I've been pregnant.
    Luckily, my husband is understanding.
     
  4. Lashes85

    Lashes85 Mommy to FOUR boys <3

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    You've just described me!!
    I've never had a high sex and it's even worse now I'm pregnant. So much so I haven't dtd with OH since conception. The arguments in my house on a daily basis about sex is driving me mad. I wish I had some kind of urge for sex but I don't, and I refuse to do something I don't want to do. It's not the be all and end all of life. There's more to a relationship. I'm now getting from OH that I don't love him and have gone off him. And if it was anyone else then I'd sleep with them. That's not the case at all, the way I'm felling right now if I never have sex again I'd be a happy women! Arrrggghhh lol x
     
  5. laughingduck

    laughingduck Mother of one daughter

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    Oh that's tough. It's not easy being the one who doesn't want sex, and not easy being the one who does either! Maybe there is some sort of compromise you guys can agree to? I don't think you should "force" yourself to have sex with him as you'll just resent him for it, but maybe help him find release some other way? Even just being next to him and maybe caressing him while he finds his own release can be more intimate than him having to go take care of himself in the bathroom or whatever! My OH and I have fairly similar sex drives (his is maybe a little higher) but there are nights when he's really horny and I'm not and this is what we do. Some nights it's even me who's the horny one and he's not in the mood and the roles reverse!
    If you are interested in trying things to raise your libido, I find exercise really helps, especially cardio. Maybe not something you want to do much of while pregnant, but you could always try it after delivery.
     
  6. Shmead

    Shmead Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't think of having sex when you aren't in the mood as "giving in". Sex is not a battle that the man wins and the woman loses. Spouses do things for each other all the time: when I am feeling stressed out and anxious and my husband sits on the couch with me and cuddles and rubs my back and neck until I feel better, is he "giving in" to my anxiety, or is he just being kind? Certainly, he'd rather be on his computer than petting me, but he enjoys comforting me, as well. I'd rather snuggle than give him a quick blow job, but I also know it makes him really happy and it's not a lot of trouble, so I really don't feel like I've somehow sold out or lowered myself when I do.

    Furthermore, I've often found that if I go along for a little while, I get in the mood soon enough. What starts out as me being nice to him ends up with me having a really good time. It's a lot like exercise: I KNOW I will enjoy it once I get into it, but it's hard to believe when I am on the couch. So you have to give yourself that first push, and then you have a great time.

    Now, obviously, if a person's entire sex life feels like nothing but serving the person's needs, and especially if they feel like their overall needs are NOT being met in the relationship, it's not a good thing. But just being nice sometimes--to someone who is often really nice to you--is not a crime against feminism.
     
  7. Kasia

    Kasia Well-Known Member

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    Gosh, my husband would just take a long shower and call it a day:)
     
  8. JacquiKeren

    JacquiKeren Guest

    lol thats what my hubby does if he hasnt had sex in a while.

    My sex drive is pretty non-exhistant as well, to the point where hubby tells me how long its been since we last did it....usually a little over a week or so.

    I do find tho, that when i manage to have sex, he is so much more relaxed, nicer, and generally more easy to get along with. plus he dosnt moan if i ask him to do something house work related. haha

    But if he hasnt had sex for over a week, the sexual conotations he comes out with really annoy me, and i know if he comes to snuggle me, that he is really after sex.

    I suppose i better make more of an effort as i know sex is going to be a no-go for a long while after baby is born x
     
  9. sequeena

    sequeena Winging it.

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    Tell him to get used to his hand.
     
  10. MummyNovember

    MummyNovember Hubb,DS & DD =]

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    Your not the only one hun. I have never had a high sex drive. So far throughout my pregnancy we have done it less than before, once a week if i am up to it maybe. But my OH is really understanding.. which kinda makes me really guilty in way. Not sure why. He never moans and never complains he just lets me be and is quite happy to snuggle.. So i dont understand why i feel guilty! Im always worried that he will go off me and wanna find a girl with a high sex drive! Silly i know!

    I dont think you should force yourself to do anything you dont wanna do hun. Especially during your pregnancy. Do whatever makes you happy and dont get stressed & just tell your husband that you are who you are and he has to like it or lump it! :flow: Hope everything works out for you.
     
  11. Catherine896

    Catherine896 Well-Known Member

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    Me too!! Ive only done it about 5 times since Feb when I found out, the last couple of times its felt dry and sore during it aswell (sorry tmi!) I just dont want to do it, I dont like be touched by him either lol! Its just.... yucky!! Dont know why lol!!

    xx
     
  12. heather91

    heather91 Preggers with 2nd

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    Honestly I have to force myself.. my OH has a very high sex drive and is really hard to live with if he's not being fulfilled. I usually enjoy it once I get into it, it's a big hassle though and I've started to dread it :(
     
  13. cooper2010

    cooper2010 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks everyone. :)
     
  14. Thistledown

    Thistledown Well-Known Member

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    Definitely agree with this! My sex drive is about nil lately, but if I feel at all like I could get interested, I try to give it a go, for OH's sake. It's the only reason we've had any sex at all this pregnancy! Between nausea, exhaustion, and just plain not feeling well, I try to make the most of the times when I'm awake and feeling pretty good. Generally I find myself getting in the mood as things progress (though sometimes it takes a little longer than it did pre-pregnancy).

    Of course if I'm sore or feel sick, I don't bother even trying - figure it's better OH feels a bit let down that I'm not interested rather than him be really let down if I play along for awhile and end up having to put a stop to things.
     
  15. shelleney

    shelleney Mummy to Freya (+ Baby C)

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    I find that a little "mutual pleasuring" is a happy compromise for both of us.
    You can both lie down with your eyes shut, and use your hands on eachother until you're both satisfied. Still provides closeness, and with less energy exerted! :winkwink:
     
  16. mygirl

    mygirl Amy and preg!

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    lol, i have a natually low sex drive too but i must admit it seems to have finally come back a little, after a very long time! lol, only prob is hubby now works away a lot! Doh! it may help with the uncomfortability to try different positions but i must admit if im really not in the mood just giving a bit of hand pleasure! lol, does take the edge off the bad mood that always comes after a rejection! well in my house it does anyway. lol. im on the lookout for any thing that makes it easier, cuz i know that as soon as this baby is born my sex drive will vanish as it did last time! lol
     

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