Not bonding, anxiety and low self esteem.

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Club' started by hot tea, Jun 7, 2011.

  1. hot tea

    hot tea Guest

    I feel absolutely zero bond with this baby inside me. I have terrible body image issues at the moment, feeling fat and annoyed with myself... And I just realized it is because I do not associate my belly with a baby whatsoever. The changes that are occuring I am somehow seperating in my mind. I am just overly pissed about excess body hair, wobbly butt syndrome and everything else that accompanies pregnancy.

    I honestly feel like my quality of life is suffering because of it. I am always very unhappy with myself, I feel hopeless and anxious. I am used to being in control. I want to appreciate the baby and the future being. I do not even know where to begin, it came so naturally with my son! I feel like less of a mother.

    I would just like to talk to someone who can relate/has been there and has positive techniques for attitude changes during a stressful pregnancy.*
     
  2. sweetpea01

    sweetpea01 Well-Known Member

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    Didn't want to read and run. I wish I knew the answers you seek but I don't at the moment. I hope you find someone that can help you. Because of your concern of the issue, you must feel something towards the baby or else you wouldn't be worried about your true feelings?
     
  3. hot tea

    hot tea Guest

    That is true. Deep down I know I am a good mom, who does what needs to be done, who loves her child... And will love her future child the same. But honestly the idea of having another baby is so abstract.

    Today is a better day. Yesterday was awful. I wonder if I have pregnancy induced depression.
     
  4. raeraefish

    raeraefish Mum to 2, 3rd on the way!

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    I suffered from pre natal depression and to be honest that sounds very similar to what you have, you would be best speaking to your doctor, they can either prescribe you something that's safe to help or alternately offer you counselling, don't suffer on your own as it will just get worst, go see your doctor xx
     
  5. lilyanne

    lilyanne Mom & Pregnant with #2

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    :hugs: To be honest, for me, I really didn't start bonding until 25ish weeks and that bond has grown exponentially since then. Before that point I wasn't really bonding at all as awful as that sounds. All I saw were the body changes and it didn't feel like it was "my baby" so you aren't alone in not instantly bonding.

    Maybe do something to pamper yourself; e.g. buy a cute maternity top that shows off your growing bump. Retail therapy helped me a bit with accepting my new shape. Trying to squeeze into too small, misfitting clothing that left me feeling fat really made me feel like crap. It's funny how a 7 Euro shirt from H & M boosted my confidence and made me feel pregnant and proud.

    If your feelings get worse/ don't go away, I would talk with your doctor about possible depression. There are treatments that can help if it is depression. Good luck!
     
  6. hot tea

    hot tea Guest

    Thank you sooo much for the replies, I truly appreciate them all.

    I took a look at my ultrasound picture with my OH last night. He was very supportive after I explained myself a little better. Seeing the picture helped I think.
     
  7. Rebaby

    Rebaby Mama to 2 boys

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    I haven't bonded as much with this baby yet as i had done with my son by this stage of pregnancy. It came very naturally with him, from the minute i got my :bfp: really the bond just grew and grew, but then i was very tuned in and aware of the pregnancy when i had him, because he was my first. So every little pregnancy milestone was wonderful and a reason to celebrate...can't fasten your jeans?! Wahoo, let's have a party! Feeling sick...the pregnancy must be going well! :happydance: (Well actually, the novelty wore off pretty quick with that one! Lol)

    Seriously though, this time has felt very different. I have a toddler who keeps me busy, i'm still working. I have been ill on and off for much of the pregnancy with minor illnesses and complaints which have just been one after the other, meaning i feel well for a few days at a time and then the next bug strikes me down :roll: I am not enjoying getting fat as much as i did last time, my bump is bigger but also less toned/defined and unlike with my pregnancy with Toby, i am getting fat other places this time too :dohh:

    Also i had a mmc in december and although i felt ready to try again in january i don't think i realised how much it had affected me, because i was very anxious and quite detached during the 1st trimester of this pregnancy "just in case" things didn't work out.

    So you're not alone with not feeling that overwhelming bond :hugs: and when i have bad days i worry it means i won't love this baby as much as i did Toby when he was born, but then most days i realise that actually, once baby is here in my arms, i won't have a choice about it, i'll probably have that same rush of fierce love and wonder how i could ever have doubted it :winkwink:

    Big hugs to you :hugs:
     
  8. Zodiac

    Zodiac Pregnant with #2

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    I'm the opposite. I don't feel I bonded with my daughter untill after she was born. I had different issues than you are having, for the fact that I was 16 when I was pregnant and I felt that I was not "allowed" to enjoy my pregnany.

    Lost friends, dad stopped speaking to me, my now husband- but then 16yr old husband was what every 16 year old boy is- a jerk off....I was just miserable. All this was because of the baby- so my thoughts were not very positive

    But I'll tell you, the mintue my daughter was born that bond was there. She was premature and I was destroyed when I left the hospital and had to leave my baby there. Now my daughter is 14 yrs old and the bond is still there, as strong as ever.

    Don't stress....these hormones can do wierd things to us:hugs:
     
  9. Jellybean0k

    Jellybean0k Well-Known Member

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    I was like this for months. I used to cry and cry due to guilt that I couldn't feel anything towards the life growing inside, and sometimes I still feel this way sometimes.

    I hate my shape, I hate the pain I'm going through, I hate the attention that I'm getting.

    OH is very supportive, and he has bonded from day 1, but I haven't told him how I feel with regards to bonding I think he'd be gutted if he knew, but I know deep down that I wont feel like this when s/he is born
     
  10. mrspjlover

    mrspjlover Well-Known Member

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    Hi There,

    I am pregnant with my first child, and while i feel i am maybe bonding, i cant be sure as i have nothing to refer to, its all new but i have definatly suffered bouts of depression, especial in the last few weeks as getting half way through is great, it still feels along way off until labour day and its a constant worry that everything is ok and its draining and tiring.

    Have you thought about antenatel yoga? I am starting on thursday as i have heard great things about it helping with bonding aswell as relaxing and settling your mind.

    Also antioxidant hot choc are great for an energy boost, mood elevator as well as a treat, I am having this regulalry now and things are improving and i am hoping the yoga will improve things further.

    Each day at a time, Take Care xx
     
  11. Wind

    Wind Well-Known Member

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    I think my husband is more bonded to these babies than I am. I know from experience though that, for me, the bonding will happen as soon as they arrive.

    I feel guilty for saying it, but I don't enjoy being pregnant. I don't glow. I don't feel comfortable in my own body. I don't look forward to my belly growing. (And everything else for that matter.) I just have to accept the fact that I don't do pregnancy well. I am a great mom and am very thankful to be adding to my family, but for me the overwhelming joy will begin when the babies are here. I wish I could change that, but I can't.

    Hang in there. You will make it through. :hugs:
     

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