Not coping...

[Drazic<3]

Hey girls,

Sorry for the pathetic emo rant, just need to get it out somewhere.

I can't do this. I am so scared all the time, checking, crying, analysing every little pain. Yesterday I felt sick as a dog all day - today, nothing. I know it's over. It has to be. Yet, I can't deal with it. Losing Edan broke me, even though I was only 10 weeks. I can't do it again. I would be a good Mum, I would do everything I could anyway. All I see is babies. I should be around 20 weeks and I can't stop grieving and I can't muster any hope and I feel so guilty because this little baby inside me deserves more, however long it's time on this planet is.

I just wish I could be happy. I just wish I could believe that I will ever be a Mummy.

 

[lozzy21]

You will be a mummy and as every week goes by you get closer and closer to having baby in your arms.

 

[Beadette]

Ah hunny! I'm sending you hugs! Be brave - your bean needs you! Lots and lots of love x x x x x x

 

[Iris]

-

 

[debgreasby]

Huge hugs babe... not long till your next scan, all will be fine xxx

 

[Drazic<3]

Thanks girls, huge Iris, really hoping this is your sticky bean darling

I am just scared...and this might sound stupid, that this baby knows I miss Edan so much so won't survive because I am not loving it enough

 

[Aerdrie]

This little bean is going strong. Very very sticky one.
Sending you lots of love and positive energy.

 

[Jellyt]

Aww hun I was exactly the same at your stage, I was a wreck. It doesn't sound stupid at all. I felt guilty because I was trying not to become attatched to this baby incase something went wrong. I still have days where I can't imagine holding a crying baby in my arms but i'm viable now and I got past the stage where you are now and so will you. Every day is still terrifying to me but with every scan and appointment i've been finding it slightly easier. I don't think any of us who've had losses will ever feel safe until our babies are in our arms and breathing but know that it will get easier and even though it feels like time is going ridiculously slowly, it will pass before you know it!

 

[Ferret]

I can understand what you mean because I am the same. Saw my little bean and hb yesterday but am convinced it's still all going to go wrong. Trying to stay positive but so hard. As you wisely told me just take each day at a time.
I am sure this is your time and I am sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts.

 

[lauralora]

sadly im right there with you, and i wish you lived in the same town as me coz i think we would be a good pregnant buddies lol.

ive been crying ALL day because ive had watery discharge and couldnt get in touch with the midwife! i reeeeally believe my waters had gone, and tbh im still having a hard time convincing myself its ok, im so paronoid.

you will get through it, some how *sigh* i no its hard, it doesnt get easier, you just have to try and be brave xxx

 

[fluffyblue]

Aww hunni, I do know how you feel really I do.

Just take each day as it comes you will get there - keep believing xxxx

 

[Drazic<3]

Thanks so much for all your kind responses. I really hope from the bottom of my heart we are all blessed with healthy babies so soon

Laura, I so wish that too babes! I know I am hypocrite number one here, but try not to panic. Could be a little wee infection maybe? Keep ringing that midwife babe and if still in doubt ring NHS direct or the delivery suite. My midwife said to call them if I ever couldn't get through

 

[Las78]

Oh hun, you will be a mummy and a very good one too.

I was a nervous wreck for a long time hun, being pregnant again also brings back all the feelings from the loss to the forefront of your mind, constantly. Hun, I was so anxious all the time, it was totally screwing with my head badly, I didn't know how I would get through each day but you know what hun, somehow I did just as you will too and your day will come like mine has where the worry fades a little and you do regain the hope.

Yesterday I felt sick as a dog all day - today, nothing

Hun, remember this is quite normal, the symptoms come and go, enjoy not feeling sick today cause tommorrow you'll most probably be feeling blah again

Keep strong hun x

 

[Mum2bewaiting]

what u have described Drazic is exactly how I have been feeling, I can only say that it is beginning to get a little bit easier each day (not a lot) and as each milestone passes...

I too feel so guilty for not being able to enjoy this pregnancy and look much further forward than the end of my nose

big big

 

[Widger]

It is only natural for you to worry Drazic so please don't feel guilty about not enjoying this pregnancy. I have only just relaxed and started to enjoy this pregnancy after my 21 week scan yesterday. It does get easier. The first trimester is the worst though because all you do is worry that it will happen again BUT this is a different pregnancy. A sticky one. You will enjoy it eventually - I promise

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

Personally I've never experienced a MC or MMC so can't relate emotionally to how you feel.. But I can't imagine how hard it must be to try and be positive

I'm also a worrier but having been through what you have I can only imagine that that worry is 100 times worse... Just try to be strong.. I know it's hard to enjoy something that's so scary.. I'm sure this little bean will be fine and once you get pass what they call the high risk stage I'm sure you'll start enjoying it a lot more

Thinking of you and sending you lots of sticky dust



xxx

 

[Drazic<3]

Thanks for all the kind messages girls. I don't mean to be moany, and the fact you listen to my concerns with kindness and understanding means the world to me. I can't thank you enough and sending you all loads of sticky too

 

[ThatGirl]

*hugs* i know the feeling hunny im in the same boat, would have been 31 weeks today and worrying soo much about this baby

 

[miel]

you going to be ok sweetie ...i know right now the weeks are going very slowly but soon you will be up to 12 weeks etc...hang in there

thinking of you
xoxo,
miel

 

[cazza22]

I could have wrote this Katie those are my words . U r not in this alone babes we are all right here with u, we have to take one day at a time and get through it slowly but surely and we will ok we have to because we deserve to be brilliant mummys to these iccle beans inside of us. Always here 4 u ((((((((((((((((massive hugs)))))))))))))))) Lov Caz xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx