Not sure what to do anymore

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by mommyof5, Nov 16, 2011.

  1. mommyof5

    mommyof5 My Eggo is Prego

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    I have now been pregnant 6 times, 2 living children. My 1st is alive and well my second died in my arms 4 months after she was born. My third is alive and well, my fourth was a blighten ovum, the fifth was a chemical pregnancy, and now my sixth has yet to be diagnosed (probably chemical). I dont know what I am suppose to do anymore. I feel so hopeless. Sick to my stomach, almost like I am being picked on in some sick game.
     
  2. sapphire1

    sapphire1 Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: I'm so sorry for your losses. Life can be so unfair :cry:
     
  3. dsbeH

    dsbeH Well-Known Member

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    im so sorry. have you done all the hormonal or other types of testing you can do? maybe theres a simple solution
     
  4. TaraLynn

    TaraLynn mama to Kiernan & 1 angel

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    I am so sorry =/ It truly is so unfair, i cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. I have heard that typically after 3 MC they recommend testing. Can you have testing done to see if there is something causing this?
     
  5. SabrinaKat

    SabrinaKat Delighted Mum to Finn

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    I had an mc and two possible chemicals -- we went private for a variety of blood tests and discovered that I had PCOS; my GP discovered that I had an underactive thyroid and with metformin and thyroid medication, along with some serious life-style changes (lost weight, quit smoking (did not smoke when pregnant before), healthy eating and we found both GP and others were willing to help out to make sure I was 100% healthy before going to IVF, but got pregnant naturally (25wks so far, so good)...ask your GP first what they recommend regarding blood work, etc.

    I am so sorry for the hard time you are having, it is so incredibly difficult to deal with all this....

    best wishes
     
  6. mommyof5

    mommyof5 My Eggo is Prego

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    I went and saw my infertility specialist and all of my tests were normal. The pregnancy is growing still but I am still bleeding. So we wont know for a few weeks if this is going to happen. Thank you all for your words of encouragement.
     
  7. scoobydrlp

    scoobydrlp Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry for all you have gone through. Sometimes life seems so unfair. :hugs:
     
  8. mommyof5

    mommyof5 My Eggo is Prego

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    I lost the baby yesterday......
     
  9. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    My heart breaks for you, life is so unfair. You sound like a great mom and all I can say is I wish all the best for you, I am so deeply sorry :cry::cry::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  10. mommyof5

    mommyof5 My Eggo is Prego

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    So because I have no one to talk to (my husband works so much) and my parents dont care about me, I just need someone to talk to. And this is the only place I feel like people understand and wont tell me I just need to stop trying. This maybe long so I dont blame you if you dont read it. I guess I just need to write it down, so I know that this baby mattered and that someone else will know about it, (since we didnt tell anyone) I need someone to know how much this baby was wanted. How when my husband stuck his hand on my stomach I felt the love we created growing inside me. How hopeful my husband was that this baby was going to be ok, he bought that stocking for the baby because he was so sure the baby was ok. My son begging for a little brother and us laughing thinking how either would be great. How we have waited for a year and 3 months for a baby to finally stick. After having our second baby die in our arms, that everything was going to be ok. How all of are heartbreak was finally over, even if it was going to be difficult to get through, we wanted this baby more than ever. And the baby did exist, even if we never saw it, it grew inside of me and I felt that short maternal love. After the miscarriage in august I just wanted to be pregnant again, but this time I dont, I want this baby back. I dont want another baby, I want this one that for some reason I felt so much more love for (not that I didnt love the last 2 babies that ended in miscarriage) I just really felt this love, that is how I knew I needed to test, my husband stuck his hand on my stomach on 11/12/11 before he fell asleep and I felt that love, the next morning that beautiful second pink line was there. I started bleeding and my husband lost hope, but after hearing my levels went up he was sure that this was going to be ok, he wanted me to go to the ER on 11/20/11 so that he could hear that the baby was ok. More than I feel bad for me, I feel bad that my husband got excited. He is the one who asked to have another baby, and he is the one that told me his gut feeling was that this baby would be ok, and that he wanted the baby to celebrate christmas with us even though it wasnt out of my womb yet. So I just wanted to write about this baby, because it has left more of an impact on my then the previous two. I love all my babies, but this one really took a part of my heart with him or her which I will never know. I pray to god that he be tender on my heart for it is breaking more and more, and I feel like I have been pushed to a point that I may not be able to recover from. I feel so guilty for not being able to carrying this baby. When I apologized to my husband for not being able to carry our baby for him he told me I did nothing wrong, I know I didnt do anything on purpose to cause this, however there is something wrong with me, there is no doubting that, and I feel sorry that I cant give my husband what he wants, and I am sorry for the babies that have died and pray that they were never in any pain or that they dont blame me, for if I knew this would be their fait I would have never tried to create them. More than anything though I am sorry I hurt my husband, I feel like I have let him down and I hate to see him hurt because of me. He talks about the hope he still has that we can have a baby, but I never want to hurt him again like I have. I am sorry I cant give my son the little brother he begs for, I am sorry I cant feel my babies move inside of me.
     
  11. Hellylou

    Hellylou Mum to 3 and 1 Angel

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    I am so very sorry for all your losses. You have been through such a terrible time, and I simply cannot imagine the hurt. I lost my baby boy at 16 weeks and I am struggling with that. It is so very painful to lose something you wanted so desperately.

    I know how hard it seems but please know you did nothing wrong, and you would have done anything to stop this from happening if you possibly could - your husband knows that, and so does that little baby. It didn't feel any pain, and does not blame you for what happened. It is not your fault.

    I am sure given your history there are investigations that can be carried out to see why this is happening and if there is something that can be done to protect your pregnancies in the future if you try again.

    You will get through this :hugs:
     
  12. Carrie&Char

    Carrie&Char Well-Known Member

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    i am so sorry this thread really did touch heart string and brought tears to my eyes

    I know it is not the same, myself and my OH have had 2 MC and lost or last baby on sunday evening after our embryo transfer 2 weeks previous, we really want a little brother or sister my or LO who we are so please is hear.

    I was not the one who carried the babies but feel hurt about it all, i know there is nothing that my Oh could of done in anyway but i felt so useless, i can realte to your husband becuase i find myself google double prams, bedroom and clothes stuff all the time thinking a baby was there and then not.

    I some times feel so useless as there is nothing i can do, i can not get my OH pregnanent and am working overtime to help save for another go at IVF but all i can do is be there.

    I am sorry for all of your losses and prey that you get the little angel you long for.
     
  13. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I am honored to read anything you have to say, i wish i could hug you . You are a good person and I am sorry and it breaks my heart that you have endured so much pain:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
     
  14. mommyof5

    mommyof5 My Eggo is Prego

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    I think what made the little stocking so special, is that my husband has never bought anything for the baby I am pregnant with not until they are born, 6 pregnancies and he never has done anything like that, so I knew he let himself get excited.
     
  15. sapphire1

    sapphire1 Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: mommyof5, your beautiful post broke my heart. I'm so so sorry for all your loss and pain. Please don't blame yourself, I'm sure your husband doesn't blame you either. I hope and pray that you get the baby you deserve one day. Stay strong x x :hugs:
     
  16. TaraLynn

    TaraLynn mama to Kiernan & 1 angel

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    mommyof5, I am so sorry. Reading your post broke my heart. I am so sorry for all you have been through and all you continue to go through. If you ever need someone to chat to, I am always here. Praying for peace to come your way, a sticky bean, and sending you BIG cyber hugs!
     
  17. scoobydrlp

    scoobydrlp Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry you've had to go through so much heartbreak. :hugs:
    I know it's hard not to feel guilty, but you have to know that while your husband is of course disappointed, I'm sure he doesn't feel that you let him down. It's not your fault sweetie. :hugs: :hugs:
     
  18. shirlls

    shirlls Well-Known Member

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    I am so very sorry for everything you have gone through, and for your recent loss. Life is just so cruel sometimes and hits on people who do not deserve it!!! It makes me sad to think that you are going through this trying for a baby.

    I can understand why you are saying you feel sad for not giving your husband what he wants, but please don't feel bad, as it isn't your fault!!, what happened to your babies was not in your hands, and your husband sounds like a lovely caring man who understands this. It is only natural to think this though, as I think we all do. Every miscarriage makes me feel bad, but I know that it was out of my hands why they happened.

    Come on here anytime if you need to talk, that's what we are all here for, and we understand.
    As other posters have suggested, I'd definitely see your GP about getting tested because there could be a physical cause which can be successfully treated for future pregnancies? (although you'll never forget those that you lost).

    Take care hun, and pm me if you need to talk

    xxxxx
     
  19. mommyof5

    mommyof5 My Eggo is Prego

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    I saw a infertility clinic and they did ultrasounds and found nothing wrong with my uterus and did labs and found nothing. I go back on the 1st to see what he says now.
     
  20. shirlls

    shirlls Well-Known Member

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    Good luck on the 1st, hopefully you can either get to the bottom of this, and go on to have a healthy pregnancy. I guess it is a good thing that they have found nothing wrong in previous tests, however I realise this is just as frustrating as it means you have no answers.

    All the best!

    xxxx
     

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