O/T - Impartial opinions wanted. "Go f**k yourself I'm not interested in you anymore"

[Lawhra]

The quote in the thread title was preceeded by "so yet again it's you being the c**t" and was said to me in a text message last night by my baby's dad

I will give as short an explanation as I can so as not to bore you.

We were having a general chat before saying goodnight and going to sleep as we do every night (he is in The Army and lives on camp).
So he is telling me he needs to find a pitch for a football match tomorrow and had found a possible which is owned by a local church in a small village. He said he was told he could use the changing rooms by someone but needed permission from the parishioners about using the pitch. Now, I thought the two were connected so when he commented how nice it was that he was allowed to use their changing rooms and asked what I thought I said:

Me: "it seems a bit pointless" (what use are the changing rooms without a pitch to play on!!)

Him: Yeah it does. But it is nice of them to let me use the changing rooms.

Me: "yes it is nice but it is still pointless"

He got annoyed with me, didn't explain the two are not connected (until he sent the nasty text above) and said he didn't want to talk to me anymore so the phonecall was over.

I had told him I was not disagreeing it was nice to let them use the changing rooms and was baffled by him getting so annoyed at my comment that he had agreed with.

Am I in the wrong? I need to know from an outsider's point of view because he does this sort of thing a lot and then tells me things like "you're an annoying b***h and I don't want to be with you anymore" "you are such a knob" "I don't give a fuck, you can raise this baby yourself" and more.

I didn't say anything in reply ti his text and have not heard from him since.

Sorry it was long, if you read it, thank you

 

[CharlieP]

Wow!! What a reaction! He's very OTT isn't he? Does he have a temper?

 

[Lettuce]

How bizarre, why would he get himself all worked up about that?! Jeez! seems unnecessary to me. Xx

 

[Lawhra]

Thank you CharlieP for reading and replying

He has a horrendous temper. He can fly off the handle at any moment without warning. I feel stressed when he is here because I feel like I am walking on egg shells One innocent comment can blow up.

The other night I commented that I could never get ready in half an hour in the morning (he gets up at 7am to be at work for 7:30am). Of course I am capable of doing so but just don't like to. I like to take my time. Anyway, this caused him to argue, shout and swear at me.

So it's not just me thinking that he is over the top then?

 

[PAgal]

Dam, sorry you have to listen to that! First off, I hope you know he has no right to talk to you that way, even if he is upset with you, so I would be concerned at that right there. Do these conversations happen frequently? I of course don't know either one of you but since you are seeking advice, maybe he feels like you always point out the negative side of things to him and sort of rain on his parade so to speak? I am just throwing that out there, but it may not relate to your relationship at all. I have a family member who does that and while I don't talk to her the way he talked to you, her "innocent" comments do make me want to sometimes, they can be very upsetting when it's so constant---it's like I am just waiting for it every time I mention something, waiting for her to point out the negative side of things.

If you just merely misunderstood him and don't usually say things that get him going like that (I am certainly not saying that it was your fault, absolutely not!), then it sounds like he is just being a jerk!

 

[leahsbabybump]

he seems a little immature to me and very disrespectfull to say those things to you :-/
my oh said something similar in a rage but turned round straight after and apologised and had a tear in his eye dont think he realised what he was saying but to cum out with those things and not offer an apology thats not nice :-/

i know its not an excuse to take it out on you but do you think that maybee he is a little homesick :-/ mite be best for you to both have a chat when he has calmed down and ask what is fueling his anger all the time

good luck xx

 

[Lettuce]

Um, no, actually, I don't want to jump to anything here, but he sounds very aggressive! A you sure you want to be around him? X

 

[Lawhra]

How bizarre, why would he get himself all worked up about that?! Jeez! seems unnecessary to me. Xx

Thank you too for reading and replying. I am relieved that it isn't just me who thinks so.

No idea what will happen now. He is meant to come and get his motorbike and out of my garage later and have dinner here.

 

[Lawhra]

I have a nurse appointment to go to. Thank you for all replies, as soon as I get back I will read and reply

 

[wee lor]

have to agree with the above, he seems very hot headed and tempremental

I personally wouldn't be treated like that, however, if you can't walk away from him then I would certainly get him to address his immature, petty, irrational behaviour before the baby arrives as you don't want someneo with such a short fuse to be around you child.

sending you some hugs

xx

 

[Emz_number3]

OMG...he seems to me like he has an awful temper, thats the last thing u need right now, u need love and support not all these horrible comments. what a total knob head. kick him into touch, dont let him speak to you that way other wise he will carry on.

 

[laila 44]

I would make him remember the day he ever uttered those type of words to me. You don't deserve that, its aweful!!! please take care of yourself and baby xx

 

[alasia]

I agree with what everyone has said above - sorry to say this, but I think either he's trying to cause an argument so he has an excuse to leave you, or he's just very aggressive/short tempered.

Either way, it's not good

My ex was like this the whole 3 years we were together, he ended up walking out on me and our two children one day randomly, a week after saying he loved me, wanted to get married etc. I think his 'attitude' was a way of trying to get me to walk so he didn't have to look the bad guy by finishing things with me.

Even now though, 2 years after we split up, I get called a "skinny c**t" or told to F off anytime I say something that he considers out of line (even if it's just asking when he will be coming over to see the children next). It's awful feeling like I have to walk on eggshells all the time, and end up in tears after pretty much every conversation I have with him.

If I were you, I'd get out now but if you don't want to, he really needs to sort his attitude out and get anger management maybe.

 

[Lawhra]

Dam, sorry you have to listen to that! First off, I hope you know he has no right to talk to you that way, even if he is upset with you, so I would be concerned at that right there. Do these conversations happen frequently? I of course don't know either one of you but since you are seeking advice, maybe he feels like you always point out the negative side of things to him and sort of rain on his parade so to speak? I am just throwing that out there, but it may not relate to your relationship at all. I have a family member who does that and while I don't talk to her the way he talked to you, her "innocent" comments do make me want to sometimes, they can be very upsetting when it's so constant---it's like I am just waiting for it every time I mention something, waiting for her to point out the negative side of things.

If you just merely misunderstood him and don't usually say things that get him going like that (I am certainly not saying that it was your fault, absolutely not!), then it sounds like he is just being a jerk!

Thank you.
I am not usually negative. I support him in his job despite not liking it, listen to him when he moans and just in general. I am not claiming to be completely innocent. I know I can be snappy but I apologise, don't get nasty and have tried asking for his understanding that I'm very hormonal.

Sorry about your family member making you feel that way. It isn't nice to be around negative people.

he seems a little immature to me and very disrespectfull to say those things to you :-/
my oh said something similar in a rage but turned round straight after and apologised and had a tear in his eye dont think he realised what he was saying but to cum out with those things and not offer an apology thats not nice :-/

i know its not an excuse to take it out on you but do you think that maybee he is a little homesick :-/ mite be best for you to both have a chat when he has calmed down and ask what is fueling his anger all the time

good luck xx

Aw, not nice that he spoke to you that way but an apology and remorse can go a long way.

He isn't home sick as the town his camp is in is his home town. We have never lived together but were planning to. I have mentioned his anger and told him I am walking on egg shells and he scares me. His response was "don't piss me off then".

have to agree with the above, he seems very hot headed and tempremental

I personally wouldn't be treated like that, however, if you can't walk away from him then I would certainly get him to address his immature, petty, irrational behaviour before the baby arrives as you don't want someneo with such a short fuse to be around you child.

sending you some hugs

xx

I could walk away if I wasn't pregnant. I hate the thought of being pregnant and alone. But I know his behaviour is out of order. Rock and hard place springs to mind.
Hugs appreciated

OMG...he seems to me like he has an awful temper, thats the last thing u need right now, u need love and support not all these horrible comments. what a total knob head. kick him into touch, dont let him speak to you that way other wise he will carry on.

I don't get love and support from him at all. There is no love there. I have told him I won't be spoken to like that and it is out of order. It falls on deaf ears. Quite frankly, he doesn't give a damn.

I agree with what everyone has said above - sorry to say this, but I think either he's trying to cause an argument so he has an excuse to leave you, or he's just very aggressive/short tempered.

Either way, it's not good

My ex was like this the whole 3 years we were together, he ended up walking out on me and our two children one day randomly, a week after saying he loved me, wanted to get married etc. I think his 'attitude' was a way of trying to get me to walk so he didn't have to look the bad guy by finishing things with me.

Even now though, 2 years after we split up, I get called a "skinny c**t" or told to F off anytime I say something that he considers out of line (even if it's just asking when he will be coming over to see the children next). It's awful feeling like I have to walk on eggshells all the time, and end up in tears after pretty much every conversation I have with him.

If I were you, I'd get out now but if you don't want to, he really needs to sort his attitude out and get anger management maybe.

You know, I have thought the exact same thing about him not wanting to be with me. I told him to leave during an argument after he slapped my face. He wouldn't leave.
He told me once that he doesn't want to be with me but feels he should stay. I told him I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. After these arguments he just carries on as though nothing has happened.
I'm so confused.

So sorry you are going through that with your ex. I have experienced similar with my ex. My first son's dad.

I think this will be my last baby as I can never trust another man to not turn into an arsehole

I could give a long list of insults my baby's dad has thrown at me and some of his behaviour but don't want to bore you all!

Thank you all

 

[tjw]

Honey my advice to you would be to get out now while you can. It sounds like he has bipolar disorder, which is treatable but with the indivuals who have the aggressive version of this disorder they rarely agree to get help or if they do agree, they don't stick with it.

My ex was exactly like this and he eventually became violent with it too. It took a brain injury and epilepsy to occur before I got out of there (I stayed for 9yrs as I was trying to get him help from doctors, counsellors, anyone that would listen). I almost died. It took three and a half years after leaving him for my injury to heal and become seizure free.

PLEASE get yourself and your baby out of there xx Inbox me any time ifyou wanna chat xx

 

[scuffer]

It sounds like he needs to deal with his temper, you should not put up with him talking to you like that and I think you need to make that very clear to him.

 

[MrsPOP]

Oh hun you know his behaviour isn't right otherwise you wouldn't have posted this. And he's slapped you in the face before? No Hun, you do not deserve that at all. I know it's so scary to face being alone but this guy is verbally and physically abusive to you...whilst carrying his child no less.

 

[Lawhra]

Honey my advice to you would be to get out now while you can. It sounds like he has bipolar disorder, which is treatable but with the indivuals who have the aggressive version of this disorder they rarely agree to get help or if they do agree, they don't stick with it.

My ex was exactly like this and he eventually became violent with it too. It took a brain injury and epilepsy to occur before I got out of there (I stayed for 9yrs as I was trying to get him help from doctors, counsellors, anyone that would listen). I almost died. It took three and a half years after leaving him for my injury to heal and become seizure free.

PLEASE get yourself and your baby out of there xx Inbox me any time ifyou wanna chat xx

Thank you. And sorry, what you have been through is awful and you were very strong to leave and get through it

My mum is bipolar and I know he isn't. He is just an arsehole. The Army has trained him to be a killing machine and in the process taken away his ability to disconnect and respect people and control his anger.
I kept hoping he'd change as the pregnancy progressed or after baby is born. But I'm guessing after last night we're not together now anyway. I have no idea. Still not heard anything and I have not tried contacting him. For all I know he could turn up any time from about 4:45pm today.

It sounds like he needs to deal with his temper, you should not put up with him talking to you like that and I think you need to make that very clear to him.

He does need to yes, but won't. He can be completely unreasonable and won't think his anger is wrong, it's my fault for making him angry.

I want to walk away so badly but I'm so afraid of being pregnant and alone. I can cope being a single mum, been there done that. But not whilst pregnant

 

[Piper84]

Erm, immature and disrespectful don't cover the half of it I'm afraid. The man is abusive and seems to like taking his anger out on more vulnerable people.

People who are verbally abusive in this way are usually like that because of some long-standing, deep-seated issues that may never go away.

It's psychological/emotional abuse designed to intimidate and undermine you and make you feel insecure. Whatever you decide to do, remember that this man has serious problems.

 

[Lawhra]

Oh hun you know his behaviour isn't right otherwise you wouldn't have posted this. And he's slapped you in the face before? No Hun, you do not deserve that at all. I know it's so scary to face being alone but this guy is verbally and physically abusive to you...whilst carrying his child no less.

The slap was in jest but I blew up and told him to never ever do it again because I will not tolerate anything like that. He has never done it since. But has thrown a cushion in my face in anger. I told him that was unacceptable and it being something soft does not make it ok as it was still an act of violence.

Ugh. The more I think about his behaviour the more I know I shouldn't be with him. He used to be so lovely. And still is sometimes. I have cried and cried thinking "what have I done".