O/T - need some advice please

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by FertilMertile, Mar 29, 2011.

  1. Okay, I know this guy for 13 years. He's best friends with someone else I know for 13 years. Let's just say all 3 of us went to Jr HS together.

    They both have a thing for me but they know I'm married and they respect me (well, one of them do). The other had asked me out about 2 months ago and I of course said no. The next day he was dating my good friend. They met, had sex and he left and now he's in Afghanistan. He won't be back for another year or so. My friend knew he had asked me out first and when I said no he asked her out. She was okay with it. She said she fell for him. He told me he doesn't really love her the way she loves him. She also knows that but doesn't seem moved by it. He broke up with her today because he knows he won't be coming back for a very long time. Now, I'm hearing from our friend (the other guy we know for 13 years), that he talks a lot about me to him. He says things like "ooh, the things I'd do to Christina's ass". I always knew he liked me in some sorta way but I think if you're going out with my friend you shouldn't talk like that. I feel like he started dating her just because he wasn't gonna be with me anymore. I know my friend loves him but I don't want to see her crying pointless tears. Should I tell her what I know or leave it be? The reason I'm hesitant in saying anything is because this tends to happen a lot. My friends BF's and husbands end up liking me and then I end up being in the middle. I almost lost my BFF due to this. What should I do??

    I don't think it'd be right to let her cry her eyes out day and night over him meanwhile he isn't even worth it. Even our friend think she should know. He feels he asked her out because I said no.
     
  2. kates84

    kates84 Mum to one

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    I wouldn't tell her chick. I think she'd still be crying over him if she knew - but she'd also be crying because he wants her best friend. If I got dumped and had a choice between thinking the guy was leaving to go to Afghanistan and didn't want a relationship or knowing that he always wanted my best friend and not me, I'd pick the first option every time. I'd just give her a bit of time to heal then take her for a girly night out where hopefully she'll get a bit of male attention and have her confidence boosted.
     
  3. Hazelnut

    Hazelnut New Mum.

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    I'm not really sure hunni, It's a difficult one. Didn't want to read and run. x x x
     
  4. She lives in another State so taking her out is impossible lol. Maybe you're right. Plus, I don't want her getting upset at me even though I didn't do anything at all. It's just I always get dragged in the middle. I think you're right. Thank you hun.
     
  5. MoBaby

    MoBaby Mommy to a precious son

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    Sounds like a difficult situation! I don't know what advice to give you but good luck whatever you choose
     
  6. kates84

    kates84 Mum to one

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    Ah taking her out is not a good idea then. Maybe helping her set up a profile on match or somewhere? I was on there and believe me, even as an only averagely attractive woman, I got LOADS of attention which boosted my confidence no end after a split - I had at least 3 dates a week for a month (and met my husband)

    The other thing to consider is that even though I know full well that your intentions are pure, it will be hard to tell her without it sounding like you're gloating - like "He never wanted you, all the time he was with you he was dreaming about my hot ass". It may well be true but I wouldn't want to be the one to tell her.
     
  7. sarina53172

    sarina53172 Guest

    she still might get upset...idk how long you knew but i think maybe you should have told her earlier i think its a little late now since she already has feelings for the guy...

    good luck
     
  8. I did tell her that he asked me out the day before he asked her out. She didn't care. I JUST found out about him talking about my ass to his BFF.
     
  9. Exactly. I don't want her to think I'm trying to hurt her or throwing it in her face. I don't think she'd go on a dating site cuz she's too devoted to him, even though they aren't together anymore. I'm gonna keep it to myself, I just don't want the truth coming out later somehow, maybe through his friend and then she gets mad at me for holding back. I've been in that situation before and my friend got mad at me. So, it's like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. That's why I don't like my friends dating my other friends.
     
  10. sarina53172

    sarina53172 Guest

    OH WOW...i cant believe she didnt care about that...that should have been a sign right there
     
  11. I know. She just ignored it. Like, oh well, you're pretty and that's understandable for him to like you like that, but I have feelings for him so I'm gonna keep going on with this relationship. I mean, I obviously can't tell her what to do but I did tell her "you know he asked me out the day before he asked you out" cuz I wanted her to NOT be played for a fool but she still didn't care. She still met him and they did what they did. It's just a messed up situation but I really don't think I should get in between it. The more I think about it I think it'd be a bad idea.
     

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