OBEM this week

[LoveCakes]

Ok I know it's edited but I feel so sorry for the woman Stefanie's 4 boys. It's different to know your sister is your mums favourite but to say on National TV if she'd had a girl first she wouldn't have had any more! They must feel so unwanted.

I know gender disappointment is a real thing and can't be controlled but you can control what you say and who you say it to. I'm completely open to people who can explain her (so public) behaviour a bit more but was a bit shocked. Maybe after infertility I'm just a bit sensitive to any type of baby disappoint but during ttc I thought some really awful things but bit my tongue.

 

[Pearls18]

Ugh it was such a boring programme this week, did you see they didn't actually have any birthing and barely any labour until 30 minutes in!! We just had to listen to their random, normal, mundane stories! Don't get me wrong I love a bit if back story, but they really dragged it out this week. So I was busy on my iPad and missed her saying that lol.....

 

[Pearls18]

Oh and yeah I think that's a shitty thing to say, I have 2 boys and would love a girl but I wouldn't change either boy for anything, I don't think she's necessarily wrong for having those feelings she can't help it exactly, but you don't say them on national television.

 

[LoveCakes]

Yeah the first one that hasn't made me a big weepy mess lol I liked the younger couple though, I hope they do well.

 

[Bittersweet]

The younger couple were so sweet, very genuine. At the start I was like oh dear hearing them be like oh together forever etc but hearing how they coped findi out their baby may have some development issues etc was really lovely. Yeah that woman frustrated me when she said that I kept thinking "imagine if she has a boy now, and her scan was wrong, then what?" But she didn't. So guess that told me lol.

 

[CRWx]

I'm just watching this! I can't believe she said that on national
TV.

The nan and the Aunty said it's their baby too and their little princess... I understand that people may want a certain gender but her poor four boys! I hate to think how they feel with them being so openly biased towards a girl, especially on national TV! xxx

 

[Bex84]

I couldent believe she announced it on tv, her poor boys. It irritated me when her mother said that boys arnt as close to their mums. I have a daughter who i adore, if i have a boy this time i will love them the same. I really dont care boy or girl. I didnt think i would get daughter and now to be pregnant a second time i feel trully blessed. Maybe she ought to think how lucky she is and hope her poor boys never watch. Surely even if you have gender dissapointment you wouldent let your children know

 

[Pearls18]

I couldent believe she announced it on tv, her poor boys. It irritated me when her mother said that boys arnt as close to their mums. I have a daughter who i adore, if i have a boy this time i will love them the same. I really dont care boy or girl. I didnt think i would get daughter and now to be pregnant a second time i feel trully blessed. Maybe she ought to think how lucky she is and hope her poor boys never watch. Surely even if you have gender dissapointment you wouldent let your children know

The comment "sons take a wife, daughters are for life" upset me.

 

[Bernie]

I think that woman was out of order aswell. Boy/girl what ever they should be loved the same and she should be very thankful she can have 5 kids most people cant have 1. Feel sorry for her 4 boys if they watch that Them boys could end up resenting thier sister as they all grow up.

 

[CourtneyLane]

It's hard because the only way gender disappointment will become less taboo is by talking about it but women who talk about it risk hurting their children and being judged.

 

[phoenix333]

I couldent believe she announced it on tv, her poor boys. It irritated me when her mother said that boys arnt as close to their mums. I have a daughter who i adore, if i have a boy this time i will love them the same. I really dont care boy or girl. I didnt think i would get daughter and now to be pregnant a second time i feel trully blessed. Maybe she ought to think how lucky she is and hope her poor boys never watch. Surely even if you have gender dissapointment you wouldent let your children know

The comment "sons take a wife, daughters are for life" upset me.

When I heard her say that I scared OH by shouting "B*****ks" at the TV . All the men I have ever known have adored their Mums, that love never goes marriage or no marriage. It was such a stupid insensitive comment to make!

 

[smileyfaces]

Very odd to say it on telly but it is a genuinely big deal for some people.

I will openly admit that if I ever have a third baby I would be desperate for it to be a girl and after this lady has had 4 boys I totally understand where is is coming from.

But to say if she had a girl first she would have had no more is just a bit OTT and to say it on telly and risk upsetting and humiliating her boys is unnecessary.

 

[Bex84]

All the men i know love their mums to. We see mil as much as we see my mum. I do understand that gender dissapointment is real but i just cant understand potentually hurting your children while admitting on tv as a child cannot help gender and it isnt entwined into their personality. My mil is desperate for me to have a boy due to as she puts it they are more on the go. I know plenty of girls on go lol, my little girl just has more of a placid personslity like me. I just hope those boys wont feel unloved

 

[special_kala]

All these sayings people throw around seem to place so much ownership on our children. Maybe im odd but I dont think I own my children at all and im kind of hoping as adults they are independent and dont [/I]need[/I] me to be a integral part of their life. Surely thats what we are all aiming for? To raise strong independent people.

I cried when I found out Fox was a boy, not because I didnt want a boy but because having a boy scared the hell out of me.

I think going on TV and going on about it like this woman did is incredible unfair on her boys.

 

[lau86]

Well coming from someone with two boys, If I had the choice next time I would pick a girl but would be extremely happy with a boy. I hate saying that on here tbh to people I don't know. I would never dare admit it in real life never mind national tv.

 

[mysteriouseye]

have two girls and would not mind a little boy for my next baby to carry on my husbands name and experience having a boy, but my god I would not be like her if I don’t end up getting my boy… its like her other kids didn’t matter. xx

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I won't pretend to understand gender disappointment but that is the saddest thing ever, those poor boys
I can't hack that show anyway, I hate it even more now

 

[lovelylaura]

It's hard because the only way gender disappointment will become less taboo is by talking about it but women who talk about it risk hurting their children and being judged.

This.

I didn't watch it, but gender disappointment is huge for someone going through it. It needs to be spoken about but it can't as so many people are horrified that your upset by a gender. The main thing about gender disappointment is coming to terms with never experiencing both genders, not that you dont want your child. And yes i do have gender disappointment never in a million years did i think i would but i do. I also don't just fall pregnant at the drop of a hat either and so many other people don't but it still doesn't stop the irrational feelings. Please don't grill me about it, i just wanted to put it out there that it's not so black and white and unless you've experienced it you really couldn't explain it to someone.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Does this stop it being taboo though? I'd have thought there were much more sensitive ways of going about it. What she said is not going to help the society's view on gender disappointment, surely.

 

[Bex84]

I dont think the way she spoke would actually help with people understanding. She was very dismissive of the value of her boys. I dont judge someone going through gender disapointment however if you are going to go on tv and say something which is hurtful about your children then i have little sympathy. Those boys could have their self esteme destroyed as she admitted she only had more babies to get her girl rather than maybe saying they wanted a little girl to complete their family. Whose to say, her little girl may hate pink and not fit her steriotype of what a girl is anyway