off topic MIL moan but really peeved!! (off topic)

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by xpensivtaste, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. xpensivtaste

    xpensivtaste Well-Known Member

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    yes the pregnancy hormones are in full swing but i think i have good reason to be mad....

    my MIL completely undermined me and OH yesterday and i cant just let it go yet i cant say anything as a) she wouldn't listen and b) she had just fetched us a sunday lunch to cook and i didnt want to be ungrateful. we have my step daughter at the weekend and she partly stays with us and partly OH's mum.

    OH's daughter had some chocolate that we told her she was NOT allowed to eat until after dinner and we told this to MIL, when my SD thought we were out of the way she whispered to MIL "can i have the toy out of the middle (it was a kinder egg) so MIL opened it and "secretly" put some chocolate into her mouth and gave her the toy.....i mentioned in a joking manner, "i saw that" and walked into the garden then SD came out to us and said "nannie said i can eat all my chocolate now" i was so mad at this as she completely undermined me and OH.
    SD doesnt eat all her lunch as it is and we are trying to show our 5 year old discipline as she needs to know the difference between right and wrong and my MIL thinks she has more parental rights than my OH (thats another story) and i and completely disregards anything we say regardless of the fact my step daughter is a very well behaved child when she is with us but completely and utterly spoilt and cheeky when she is with her nannie. she is learning 3 different sets of rules from 3 different authority figures and it feels like MIL thinks she is actually SD's mum! my partner is treat a little like a glorified big brother since we rely on his mother to pick up and return his daughter at the weekends due to his ex being a pain in the ass.

    sorry to have rambled! i just cant drop it and i dont want to keep bringing it up to OH as it is his mum after all and she is good to us mostly. he noticed too but wont say anything even though lately he has been getting more and more fed up with it. i mean this is only one example. in the 2 years i have been step mum i have watched her grow into a very polite, well bahaved smart girl when she was once very spoilt and wouldn't do as she was told, i feel this is down to me and OH bringing her up correctly in the small amount of time we have her and MIL just does anything she can for an easy life but its making it more difficult for us and certainly must be confusing to a 5 year old girl but she is beginning to play us off, if we say no she runs straight to her nannie who says yes and i feel i dont have a leg to stand on.

    rant over! if anyone stayed to read the long post thanks. there are somethings in life we just cant say out loud! certainly feels better to write about it tho =)
     
  2. Blah11

    Blah11 ☼ Mummy to Amelie ☼

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    Sounds like normal grandma stuff tbh. My mum does some stuff like that too but I just let it slide and my daughter doesn't behave any worse because of it.
     
  3. xpensivtaste

    xpensivtaste Well-Known Member

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    if it was just this one occasion i could let it slide, its a piece of chocolate lol but unfortunately its not and as far as our 5 year old is concerned its nannie who is boss because that is what she is led to believe. it doesnt matter what we say, if nannie overrules, we are disregarded and our efforts to teach that our child cant have everything she wants, when she wants it are blown. if my MIL wants to spoil her and let her have her own way when she is with her then there's nothing we can do but when she is in our care it should be our rules and she should enforce them not basically say "oh dont listen to them you can have what you like"
    i fear it will be the same situation with our son when he is born, well a little older....
     
  4. beanfluff

    beanfluff Mummy to 3 pinks :)

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    This would annoy me as well.
    I had a similar problem when I was with my ex when we went to see his mother with our 2 girls.
    She would constantly try to feed them rubbish but also things like bananas if I said no even though we were going straight home for lunch. Of course when we got back we couldnt get them to eat a balanced lunch as she had filled them up on random stuff.

    Once when my eldest was 2 she decided to give her the toilet brush to play with and show her how to clean the loo!!!!

    My god did I go off on one then. Since that point I have always vowed that I will speak my mind when it comes to the kids and make it quite clear that we were the parents (well I was ex was too wet to stand up to her) and what I said went.

    I have had to be quite forceful over the years with my opinions.

    Of course now ex MIL can get away with anything as im not there when they visit but my girls are older and can look after themselves more now.

    With new MIL I have layed down the rules from before bubba is born. If she says something I dont agree with I just say that I dont agree with it and things will be done differently when she gets here.

    Lucky for me hubby is much stronger than my ex and will stand up to his mum and side with me.

    Even though I make my views very clear with new MIL she still loves me to bits Phew got away with that one lol.

    xx
     
  5. xpensivtaste

    xpensivtaste Well-Known Member

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    with my daughter or my son when he joins the world i would voice my opinion no problem but as its my step daughter i feel i have to back off, i have only been around for 2 years and its awkward where MIL is concerned.....see MIL really does think she has more parental rights even than OH. she has even said this to which i argued she was wrong but since she picks SD up every weekend and up until OH moved in with me he lived with his mum she likes to play mum with her grand daughter and as OH has let her do it for so long breaking the habit is now proving difficult, if he were to tell her she was wrong (regarding his daughter) she would simply laugh as if to say "i am in charge, not you" even my SD thinks that what nannie says, goes! makes it difficult for us as we tend to get a lot of "i'm telling nannie" if she doesnt get her own way.....it should be i'm telling daddy or i'm telling mummy.
    its weird! things have changed a lot since the beginning though as i am quite strict as a parent and i treat all my kids the same....i dont give one or the other more or less, i treat them both equally and fairly and i think its unfair that one child has one set of rules and the other, another. as i said....SD is usually good as gold for us until nannie comes on the scene then we are cast aside and disregarded as authority figures =/
     

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