OH changed mind

sheeps24

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Hey ladies .. just wanted to vent really! It's my first full cycle off the implant after me and OH had decided to start trying .. I ordered opks and have been talking to him all week about it told him it's almost ovulation time .. planned to dtd then right before he says he's changed his mind and the timing isn't right now .. I just wish he had said something when I've been talking about it everyday and taking opks which he knew so he could of told me before I started planning! I know it's not a huge deal but my lo is nearly 4 and I don't want the age gap between them so be too big but he doesn't care about that and thinks it's not a problem ... I just feel deflated now and don't even want to talk to him! .. had any one else been in this situation?
 
I haven't been in this situation but my DH had been telling me no for a good two years up until last month. I'm so sorry! I don't know if men really understand the planning and excitement we go through when ttc (not that they can't be excited too, I just think it's a different experience for women). Has he explained why he feels the timing isn't right? When you are ready to talk to him you should definitely explain how disappointed you are as you made a decision together and he changed his mind without a discussion. Of course you should both be 100% on board but it's really not fair to you. I hope that you guys are able to get back on the same page about it soon.
 
My DH did this to me, except he actually said he didn't want to become a dad, 3 or 4 months after I went off my birth control. I was kinda afraid to get an IUD (the solution I wanted because being off hormones made my interest in :sex: a lot better, but my cervix is in a weird place so I was convinced it was going to HURT) so I kept putting it off.

Needless to say (looking at my status) mistakes were made.

I'm definitely not suggesting it should happen the same way mine did. Actually that's a very bad idea. But you should talk to him. Try to get a feel for why he's not ready. Ideally you should get an idea of when he thinks he will be ready, and then negotiate until you've got a number (months, years) you're happy with, and then probably don't delay getting the birth control like I did.
 
Thanks ladies ... I think he's okay for me now not to be on birth control and I would love to give my body a break from it! There is a small chance I can fall pregnant as we dtd a few days ago and I ovulated yesterday which he knew so I'll see what happens ...

I think I can accept it for now and concentrate on something else x
 
Speaking from experience, NTNP is a great mindset to be in.. I think it freaks some people out when we start to obsess over TTC. When we TTC our first, I wouldn't shut up about it, and my partner was DONE with it. It makes OH really anxious to hear about it a lot. So, we stopped TTC and got our first surprise baby! Now, I let OH know I'm ready, we discuss it once or twice to be on the same page, and I use an app to track my cycles and symptoms and keep it quiet around my OH... I'm not saying go behind OH's back, but your OH sounds anxious like mine - TTC will do that to a person. :) I hope y'all figure this out - I can tell you're ready for that baby!
 
It might have just been all the opk and ovulation talk that freaked him out. It can Do that. We tried for a very long time for our dd, but DH did not like to know when I was fertile etc as it was to much pressure for him and feeling like he had to perform to cue lead to anxiety. It really ruined intamacy and took any fun out of it and our relationship suffered. We them agreed that although we both wanted a baby he didn't want to know the ins and outs of my cycle. We just consistently made an effort through the month so he didn't notice a difference around my fertile time. Maybe it's just all a bit much for him so quickly? Maybe if you get him back on side then just take a relaxed approach for the first few months. Just enjoy being together and if you choose to use opk's then just keep it to yourself. Good luck!
 
I don't know why your OH has now decided it is bad timing, and maybe he has a point (only you know this). First you need to talk about his reasons. I'm assuming nothing changed in your circumstances in the last 2 weeks, but maybe the reality has set in with the TTC talk, and he's now realised how strongly he feels about the timing.

My experience definitely agrees with what has just been said by previous 2 posters about TTC - we are now expecting baby #3 but my OH said he categorically did not want to "try" for this baby but rather just use no birth control and "see what happened" i.e he feels too pressured and it all gets clinical if I talk about O dates etc. Is it possible this is what is driving your OH to put the breaks on?
 
Well he said he wants to concentrate on work now it's picking up and I get blamed a lot because sometimes I'm stressed with my 3 year old but she's starting nursery very soon and I would of had her at nursery by now but he didn't want it. I swear he just sees me as a stressed out mardy bum! That's because he's working all day and gets the fun hour of the 3 year old before bed ... not the rest of the crazy day!
 
Hmm, he gets 9 months plus however long it takes to conceive to carry on concentrating on work! Has he suggested a time frame? Ball park?
 
I agree with everyone who said men can get performance anxiety. They can also be kind of moody when it comes to TTC. Maybe with all the talk of babies and such he's getting a little nervous and anxious?? I think women think all the good things that come along with the babies while some men worry about the money and the loss of intimacy.

I wouldn't panic just yet about his mindset. Maybe you could be a little more low key about your TTC talk and just focus on enjoying him.
 
It hasn't been bought up since we spoke and he's gone back to normal chatting like nothings happened and I'm struggling to even talk to him. I don't know how to bring it up .. maybe just wait a little.

Thanks for all your advice and support xx
 
I really hope you manage to sort it, I know firsthand how upsetting it is wanting to TTC but your OH says no :nope:
 
DH did this to me a few months back, we'd planned to try this month to aim for a June/July summer baby#2 and he flat out said he wasn't ready. Completely devastated me!

I don't know if you're anything like me, but when emotional when your hopes are dashed, I can't explain to him the crazy huge desire some of us ladies have without breaking down and crying from everything feeling like it's not going to happen. instead I wrote him a letter, because letters are our 'thing' when we are upset or mad at eachother or can't find a way of discussing something that will just end up making the other angry (Like don't hate me, I just spent way too much on X sorry! in most of my cases).

Well I left him one long letter when he kept on asking why I looked down, why I kept doing that "I'm fine" thing. Explained without my words getting muddled from emotions, no chance to me misunderstood on how much it meant to me, and I made sure to include how I saw him as a great dad to our DS... He left a new pack of OPK's on my desk the next morning with a note that said sorry but here we'll figure out when you're likely to be ready and let's make DS a sibling in Sept.

Roll a few months forward, He's telling me how much he loves DS and can't wait to be a father of 2, sometimes guys need a clear and concise reasoning and a kick up the bum ;)
 
Disney, that's great your OH is now on board :flower: We do that too, write to each other when we're mad or if I'm upset (he doesn't get upset!). Works a treat for us too x
 

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