OH going on stag due a couple of months after due date

[MrsHippo]

As my title says, OH is going on a stag weekend a couple of months after my due date. Its something that has been 'arranged' for a while now....I put the bunny ears over arranged as they have only just started arranging things properly now although started discussing it ages ago.

I feel really upset by it.... neither of us have ever been out the country seperately, I didn't like the idea of it originally but now we will have a new born baby yet he is still happy to go on it.

I don't know whether I am just being hormonal or a bitch or whatever but I don't want him to go but I can't tell him that. 1. because he won't be happy with me saying it and 2. I will look like a huge bitch of a girlfriend to everyone else. He will be spending loads of money too, they are going to Ibiza so the holiday itself is going to cost at least a couple of hundred (not sure of amount as I haven't actually spoken to him about it at all) then he will be spending a couple more out there. They are leaving on a Thursday evening and not returning until the Monday. I'm really not happy but don't know what to do my mum thinks I should go on a spa weekend or something but I have no one to go on it with... she suggested my sister but I know she won't have the money for it. I have a couple of friends I could ask also but they are the type to let you down.... and even if I did, that is another huge chunk of money and with my mat leave I can't just go throwing it away..

Sorry for the moan

 

[Annie77]

I did lost a reply but it went missing so sorry if you get two from me.

Basically - sorry you are feeling this way but if I were you I would let him decide whether he is going or not. A couple of months down the line you will be settled in a routine and will manage without him. It's important life doesn't stop just because a baby comes along and you don't want him to resent you or baby for preventing him doing stuff with his friends.

 

[Kte]

I think your mum is right in that you should give yourself a treat whilst he is away as well, so your not dwelling on him being away, look forward to something for you. It doesn't have to be costly. He will most likely hate being away from you both anyway, I know my OH hates missing out even now when he has to go away. It's understandable you are worried but as the previous poster said, you will be in a routine of things by then with baby.

 

[Mazzymoo]

I wouldn't like that either- having said that I wouldn't stop him. U both need to still have a life- just make sure he returns the favour and allows u a long weekend away with ur friends/ sister while he stays at home with the little one!

 

[MrsHippo]

Thank you for your replies. Just realised that I didn't say he works away in the week too.... Sometimes he will work close enough to come home but he always works night shifts.

So if he is on a job at that point which requires him to work away I could potentially only see him for a few hours over the space of two weeks....

I totally agree that we still need our own lives and that we will be in a routine then but it just annoys me that he hasnt once discussed it with me.

Think I just have a lot on at the moment, lack of sleep, trying to sell our apartment and I've recently given my dog away.... So think I'm just feeling a little over emotional

 

[MrsGards]

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with it. My oh is being posted away with work 3 weeks before my due date and potentially won't be back in time, or be given the time off to come home so im expecting to be dealing with things completely on my own, so maybe thats why I wouldn't mind.
Id do what your mum suggested and do something nice for you. After a couple of months your be in a lovely routine (hopefully) and 4 days of him being away isn't a long time. Even if.you don't manage to get away yourself, how about your sister coming to stay for a night and getting take away and a decent film or something similar. X x

 

[Athena]

It wouldn't bother me either, I'd be glad of the peace but then I am very happy in my own company (well I would have the children around but they go to bed!) I'd get a pizza, some sweets a really girly film and have a nice time without him! Or do what MrsGards said and invite your sis over for a girly night. It could be quite fun x

 

[dollyemi]

My dh always says yes to these things and so I feel your pain. I would let him go, if its a couple of months after baby then you may be in a routine with baby and able to manage a weekend without him. He might actually change his mind once baby comes though, my dh misses her too much to go anywhere! Could your mum or a friend come and stay with you? I love a bit of pampering but personally wouldn't want to go on a spa weekend. Oh and yes, I'm afraid Ibiza is very expensive for drinks etc (assuming the stag weekend is in San Antonio) so he needs to know to budget properly for it.

 

[maggie111]

If you don't think there's much money - why don't you invite a friend over for the weekend to keep you company?

I'm sure by 2 months after baby's born you'll be feeling frazzled but well able to cope - just leave all the washing up for when he gets back as his payment!!

 

[Piper84]

Sorry you're in this situation and also about DH's work arrangments. It must be hard.

To be honest, at two months your baby might not be in a routine. It would probably be really helpful to have people over while DH's away because it will drive you crazy otherwise with your hormones running wild and and the feeling of abandonment that is possible. My husband had to go away for two nights when LO was six weeks old and it was just 48 hours of being in a trance as I had no help (we live far away from family and friends) and when he got back I just handed him LO and went off to sleep.

When it comes to the time, your DH might even start feeling bad about going away too, but I wouldn't push the issue myself. Good luck with it all

 

[MrsHippo]

Thank you

I think I was a little over emotional yesterday, I feel better about it today. Think I will try and do something for myself. My mum is a really big help so I am sure she will make sure I'm not by myself

 

[lily28]

I think what "stings" the most is that it is a holiday for him, while she will be left behind to tend for the baby.
If you feel devastated by this you should let him know, but only if it worth the trouble to have an argument with your OH for this matter. So you must ask yourself, is it worth having a fight over this?

My DH was away on my 36th week of pregnancy (he just came back) for work. I went to stay w/ my parents. If it was for fun I would be pissed too.

 

[claire1978]

I personally wouldnt have a problem with it, sounds like he works hard so deserves a treat, same as my hubby, i would be happy for him to go and have fun, my hubby goes away 2 or 3 times a year to car shows for the whole weekend, i dont feel like i have to do something in return so its fair but saying that i am going away in sept for a weekend for a hen do, baby will be 4 months old and hubby will be left with 4 kiddies but hes fine with it, i think its important to have time away from each other

 

[special_kala]

As long as its not money thst you need for essentials I don't see a problem with him going.

Arrange a few lunches with friends and the time will fly.

 

[sophie22]

Mines going on one in may, the same weekend that my parents and my sister are going away, do I'm going to be left heavily pregnant and looking after a tantrumy toddler! I wish he wasn't going but he is the best man and feels he has to. He is going Friday and coming back on a Sunday. I would probably feel the same as you if I had a new baby but unfortunately if its been arranged a while now it seems unfair to make him cancel on f those relationship sacrifice things I guess x