OH has said no to more :(

[b4baby]

DD is coming up for two years and I am really wanting a 2nd baby, although not immediately.
OH has informed me that he doesn't want anymore. He said he has found DD hard due to shift work and the fact he thinks he has to have 10 hours sleep a day (another argument altogether haha). And then the other day he told me that he is scared to have another I case he gets so stressed that he think he can't cope and walks out never to come back.
I'm so annoyed as we always planned 2 and I think his reason isn't good enough as you can live your life for what ifs!! Am I been unfair, I always try to see his side in an argument but for this I'm really struggling.
Anyone else had this with their OH?

 

[BeachyFeelin]

I'm really sorry I have not had to deal with something like this but I didn't want to read and run.

10 hours of sleep a day?? I mean, we don't even have children yet and that's out of the question. Who has time to sleep 10 hours a day? Lol....must be nice to live in La La Land!

 

[Zephram]

Unfortunately it is his choice if he doesn't want more kids, but it does sound like he's got some underlying issues there. No one needs to sleep that much - is he depressed? It doesn't sound like he's coping well with the demands of his job and family life. Those are things that can be worked on if he's stressed over it.

 

[littlemisscie]

I have to sleep that much, my fibromyalgia makes it so if I have any
Less than that I am a zombie (it really freaking stinks) but that isn't really a reason to me. Maybe try couples counseling? My oh doesn't really want another but he knows I do so were ntnp at the moment.

 

[Loo89]

I also have to sleep that much, but I also have health issues. Maybe he needs to see a GP? Could be something going on there. I second couples counselling too, it's a big decision for you both and if you both feel so strongly... Doesn't he worry that if you don't have a second baby that *you* will walk out? I'd worry about my DH leaving if I changed my mind.

 

[BeachyFeelin]

Oh wow - I just realized how insensitive my post sounds now. I'm sorry if it comes across that way ladies. I had no idea some people need that much sleep!

 

[Loo89]

Haha, it's okay, always learning!

 

[b4baby]

He doesn't have any health issues. Just in his culture they do sleep a lot and he has only been in the UK for a few years and that's one habit he can't snap out of. I do worry about his happiness but wouldn't say he is depressed. I try talking to him but he insists everything is ok.

I worry that when I come to be ready to start TTC he will say a definite no. Is that it? Is that my marriage deal breaker?? I never thought I would be in this situation! I just honestly can't imagine why he wouldn't want more, he is an amazing father and my daughter is a complete Daddy's girl. I do everything I can to make it easy for him (he hasn't had to wake up first thing in the morning for months!!)

 

[Sunshine14]

Hey b4baby I read ur post and didn't want to read and run hun. Not sure any of this will help but I'm a mum of 3 LO's and I can honestly say from experience that although having your first child is the most breathtaking, awesome, fabulous, life affirming thing you will ever do, it is also the toughest thing as the first one is a complete shock to your life, your relationship, you sleep, your feedom, takng a shower, etc, etc, etc. The second child comes along then and doesn't disrupt your life like the first one did as ur ife has already changed. Maybe your DH is just scared of it being as life changing as the first - when imo it isn't really!! My OH always said he wanted 3 kiddies and to choose the dog! - I always said I wanted 4. About a year after our third was born I broached the subject with him and he said no and the conversation went on for a while backwards and forwards and eventually I said to him that I would be happy forever more if we tried for one more (I was heading for 42 at the time now almost 43) but I would be unhappy forever more if I couldn't even try. I think the prospect of me pissed off forever more must have gotten through to him lol cos he agreed to try and we have been trying ever since. He also said if I got my 4th child he wanted a nicer car! Lol -- I'm not sure I will get my last baba as have had 3 CP'S & a mmc since December 2013 but at least I will always be happy with him for letting me try. I think in the end it comes down to what you really want - if you say you always wanted 2, and he knew that and he denies you the chance to try for 2 will your resentment destroy ur relationship!? Whatever happens hun hope you sort it out xx sometimes I find just chipping away at them pleasantly and in a jokey manner can get u what u want & if not just try bribery lol but seriously though he must have a weakness how do u usually get around him when u want something - maybe try to work that out and then u might get ur own way! Anyway best of luck babe xx

 

[Charmed86]

I think you need to ease his mind about the second one, find out what makes him so scared that he might find it too stressful - to the point that he might walk out! That's a strong reaction for someone to have & must be based on something I wouldn't push the subject any more until you can work together to find out the cause of his concerns, otherwise you might end up stressing him out more. The last thing you want to do at this point is push him into it. My OH struggles with stress and catastrophising a lot & it really helps to talk through issues, really delve into what the underlying problems are & deal with them one at a time. My OH recently attended a class on dealing with stress, which he was referred to by his GP, perhaps something like this might help?

If you're not wanting to TTC right this minute then you have time to work through issues together, as a team x

 

[littlemisscie]

Oh wow - I just realized how insensitive my post sounds now. I'm sorry if it comes across that way ladies. I had no idea some people need that much sleep!

No problem! I wish it wasn't that way but it is so I cope accordingly. My mother functions on 5 hours of sleep a night and all I can think of is "Wow, think of how productive I could be!" haha