OH keeps changing his mind :(

Discussion in 'Waiting To Try' started by Sam86, Oct 15, 2008.

  1. Sam86

    Sam86 wtt

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2008
    Messages:
    146
    Likes Received:
    0
    Things are never simple are they!!!! :hissy:

    A while back me and my OH got into a bit of a 'arguement' about when we would start trying for a baby.
    He was adament that we wouldn't be trying for a good few years and I basically told him that if we wanted such different things then we shouldn't be together. I didn't mean it, I was just be mean :(

    Anyway, after not talking for a few hours, he said that when we move into our new place next June, if he gets a decent job after Uni finishes in May, then MAYBE we could try. But only if we're married - which is why we are now getting married in April.

    But now whenever i bring it up, or he looks at my tickers on this site, he's always like.. "Oh well, THATS wrong. You have problems! We won't be tryin for a baby THAT soon. Maybe in another few years!"
    I'm so fed up! He knows i have plans to go back to college for my A levels in a few years and then go to Uni but i want to have kids before i do that otherwise i'm gonna be 30 before i get pregnant and then i wont be able to apply for the job i want when we have a newborn to look after.

    I understand his point of view, he's only 20 and i'm 22, but this is really want i want to do..its just not want he wants to do.

    Am i fighting a losing battle here or what?
    Anyone else in a similar situation?:cry:

    xxx
     
  2. charliemeg

    charliemeg Waiting

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2008
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    I can totally understand what you are going thru. I am wanting to start now, I am 26 and dont want to wait any longer. We have made a deal that if I become fit and healthy by this time next year we will start trying but I dont think he will stick to it
     
  3. Chris77

    Chris77 Mommy to PJ and Gavin

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2008
    Messages:
    46,052
    Likes Received:
    0
    Just give him some more time - 20 and 22 is still very young and I *KNOW* you're really anxious for a lil one. Until he's ready, try using this timeto get yourself ready for TTC, pay off bills, take a class, go on a cruise, etc. That'll help make the time go by faster and you'll have fun while waiting to TTC. :hug:
     
  4. LeaArr

    LeaArr Just him and me.

    Joined:
    May 21, 2008
    Messages:
    8,716
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm there, but a few years older. I am 26, husband is 27. He keeps telling me dates, then when we get to those dates, he backs away. Hence the ticker :blush: Just ask the girls in BAW. It's so frustrating. Just want to kick him some days. :rofl:
     
  5. Dream.A.Dream

    Dream.A.Dream Mum to 6yo and WTT #2!

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2008
    Messages:
    17,698
    Likes Received:
    0
    I also know how you feel, my OH also keeps changing his mind it would seem. I imagine it'll get to the time in my ticker and he'll change his mind. Which would be so devastating when i'm having to wait what seems like forever anyway xx
     
  6. lilypad08

    lilypad08 Guest

    oh thats awful 2 get your hopes up then let u down
     
  7. Twinkle Toes

    Twinkle Toes Preparing

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2008
    Messages:
    125
    Likes Received:
    0
    My OH is always changing his mind so much on fact I ended up telling him I don't want a :baby: I do but not yet once were settled after relocating! but why is 3 years always 3 years no matter when you ask ????
     
  8. honeybunch2k7

    honeybunch2k7 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2007
    Messages:
    982
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm having a similar issue, except my OH is 38. He's still not wanting to TTC now. He told me 2 yrs (still too long), and now he says 5. Like you, I'm not interested in starting to have kids when I'm 30. For one thing I'd like my kids to know their great-grandparents like I did. Why won't these men make up their minds?!?!?!

    :hugs:

    O and congrats on ur upcoming nuptuals!
     
  9. MegGem

    MegGem Mother of 1

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2008
    Messages:
    715
    Likes Received:
    0
  10. MegGem

    MegGem Mother of 1

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2008
    Messages:
    715
    Likes Received:
    0
    I totally feel for you. I'm almost 26 also. DH actually said we could TTC and we did for one cycle then he changed his mine. How cruel! But his father is dying so I obviously understand but it is still hard. I just need to be selfless and support him. The hardest part is not knowing any idea when they will be ready.

    The one thing that keeps me going is thinking that if we don't have a baby soon that means we can travel. We've been talking about doing mission trips for a long time and before a baby is the only time you can really do that! Try planning something non-baby to keep your focus on something else.
     
  11. MissPolley

    MissPolley Mum of one

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2008
    Messages:
    553
    Likes Received:
    0
    i know how you feel, i am extreemly motherly, i just love taking care of thing be it animal or human both are equally rewarding.

    but my oh doesnt want kids yet, he is 23, im 19.

    he says in a fair few years, but i dont want to wait, i know i have to get college outof the way and get into a 9-5 job and all that stuff but tbh i just want to say shrew it i want one now.
     
  12. toffee87

    toffee87 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    3,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    I struggle at times with wanting a baby. There's no way I could fund one for atleast 2 years. Bf says maybe in 2 years, maybe more/less. I think the point is you can't plan too far ahead. The years do go fast (I've been broody for 2 now, and it's flown by).

    I can't wait, my mother instincts are certainly kicking in, but I know in order to give it the life it deserves I need to get settled financially. The longer you wait, the more special it will be :)
     
  13. princess_x0

    princess_x0 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am not in this situation anymore.
    Well I am but I'm not because I don't have a partner I want to start a family right now. And I am waiting until august 6th august 2011 minimum to start ttc. Plus I'm 4 years younger than you. But I still have a huge desire for a baby.
    I think he maybe thought that next june is ages away and then he saw your tickers and thought shit. That's only a matter of months!
    But one thing though, he is 20, men develop mentally much slower than us women :smug: Cozz we are so smart ;) so to him 20 sounds really young, and he feels like he has alot of life left in him lol, I am not taking his side of this. I'm just thinking what he may be thinking. And men are terrified of commitment, and having a baby is the biggest commitment he can make. So he's probably scared of the thought that he might not beable to cope, might not beable to be a good dad. That's normal in a bloke. They deny it all of course though. I think you should leave him be for a few months and see how he feels nearer the time.
    Also, you will beable to have a baby before your 30 won't you? It won't take 8 years to get a degree will it?
     
  14. Sam86

    Sam86 wtt

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2008
    Messages:
    146
    Likes Received:
    0
    Haha, yehhh we'll have a baby before i'm 30.
    I told him about getting a big chest and starting to buy little things for when we're wanting a baby, that way we wont have to be spending so much money in a shorter space of time. And he liked the idea :) he EVEN said he'd buy the baby some little clothes to put away if he saw any he liked - which is a BIG thing for him to say, from going to not talking about a baby, to saying he's gonna buy some clothes for it!

    So i'm happy now :)
    I think i just scared him. Oops. haha
    xxx
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice