OH MY GOD I'm so ANGRY!!!!

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by suzanne108, Dec 22, 2009.

  1. suzanne108

    suzanne108 Well-Known Member

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    I am absolutely seething..... :growlmad:

    Some of you may have read that FOB keeps mithering to come up and see me (he lives about 2.5-3 hours away). I've told him on numerous occasions that I don't want to see him before the baby is born, I've explained that if he wants to discuss baby arrangements or anything then we can speak on the phone or even online. I just don't feel comfortable seeing him until I absolutely have no other choice. I've told him this about 5 times - no exaggeration there either, literally FIVE times.

    I've also told him twice (could be three.....I forget) that I don't want to get back together. He's only wanted to get back together in the last few weeks since he suddenly realised that there is an actual baby on its way.

    So ever get the feeling you are talking to a brick wall??? Well, thats exactly how I feel today.

    He has just text MY MUM, I've already asked him not to include her because its not fair on her, mind you I only told him once which clearly isn't enough for him. So he text her saying that he wanted to come here tomorrow to SURPRISE me with an xmas present and he wanted to talk. Mum replied saying she didn't think it was a good idea and he should just come up when baby is here as planned. He then replied saying "I really want to speak to her though about getting back together" :growlmad::growlmad::growlmad: Mum has replied saying "Now is not the time to be talking about that, speak to Sue when the baby is here but I personally can't see you being anything other than friends"..... I just want my mum to tell him to FUCK OFF!!! But I know she can't do that lol.

    I'm so annoyed. I don't know what to do. Shall I leave it and pretend I don't know? Shall I ring him and have it out with him? Shall I text asking him not to include my mum?

    He was also speaking to my friend and birthing partner on facebook on saturday, I feel like he is trying to get to me through my friends and my mum and I reeeeeally don't appreciate him doing that when a, I've asked him not to and b, I've told him myself enough times so why does he feel the need to go to them.

    Ironic thing is, although there is absolutely no chance on earth of us getting back together, he is actually making things worse for himself by doing stupid things like this. I mean, why would I want to get back together with someone that needs to be told something five times (and still doesnt get it!) and someone that will go behind my back....its kinda sneaky in my opinion.

    By doing all this he's making me hate him so much more. He is actually trying really hard for us to get on...and I know I need to make the effort for the sake of baby but he's making me so angry, I can actually feel my blood pressure rising!!! I'm already suffering with high BP...I've got an appointment tomorrow and I'm scared that he'll have made it sky high, if he has it might mean me being induced. (I know I'm being a bit OTT here but I was told if my BP got any higher in the next few weeks they'd induce, not what you want on xmas eve eve!)

    Sorry for the rant...thanks for reading! :flower::flower:
     
  2. lou_w34

    lou_w34 mummy <3

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    Maybe the threat of you changing your mobile num, and email would be enough for him to back off.... it worked for a lil bit in my case, may give you some time.

    And i think it is a tad sneeky, he shouldnt involve your friends or mum, he should say it to you or not at all.

    I would have it out with him, but just a simple text, saying you dont appreciate him involving your mum ect ect

    MEN!!

    :hugs:
     
  3. suzanne108

    suzanne108 Well-Known Member

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    I have calmed down a bit now....chocolate fudge cake helped :)

    I was sooooo angry, still am but trying to not let things get to me too much.

    I'm so annoyed that he would do this to me at nearly 39 weeks pregnant. Does he think that a relationship with him is really my priority right now? And I don't even give him the impression that I want to get back together so why can he not just back off? And why does he think that him driving all the way here is gonna change my mind??!! Whats the point in him turning up to give me an xmas present that'll either be binned or sent to a charity shop....and for me to tell him that he's a *******! WHY WHY WHY!!! :growlmad:

    In a way I'm pretty glad he messaged my mum rather than just turning up on my doorstep like he planned to. I think I woulda gone into labour....or punched him in the face! x
     
  4. Ash_P

    Ash_P Due Feb with 1st

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    Any wonder u were so angry hun. Its amazing what they can do to wind us up. Try not to let him get u in a state. Keep urself calm for sake of baby, eat plenty more cake :)

    Just ignore him and then once the LO arrives u can contact him and arrange something that suits u and baby. U might find that once u have the LO contacting him will be the last thing on ur mind. Ul want to spend all ur time with that wee huni of urs.

    Glad uv calmed down, and I agree, at least he contacted ur mum rather than arriving at the door. He probably wouldnt risk travelling that distance to arrive at the door and no1 be in. So its probably unlikely that he would just turn up.

    Hope all sorts itself out hun, Its amazing how they come running when u least expect it. Im still waiting (not that id take him back, but I want the pleasure of saying a big fat NO IM OVER U rite in his face lol)

    Ur in the driving seat now hun, ur the one in control. enjoy it :)
     
  5. suzanne108

    suzanne108 Well-Known Member

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    I actually think he is thick enough to just turn up at the doorstep....he probs mentioned to someone that he was planning it and they told him to check first!!! He has turned up once before, well he text saying he was 20 mins away but I didn't see it straight away cos I was asleep. After that time I text him saying "don't turn up on my doorstep uninvited again". (see what I mean about telling him things over and over and him still not listening?!)

    I have a text saved in my phone ready to send tomorrow....don't wanna get into an argument before bed and I have a mw appt tomorrow at 11.30 so gotta keep my BP down..I'll send it when I get home.

    I feel like I've got to say something cos I definitely don't want him contacting my mum again...it makes her feel uncomfortable which is the last thing I want. I don't want him to think he's gotten away with it either!!

    Basically the text says....

    "I was annoyed that you text my mum yesterday especially since I asked you not to. Its not fair and she doesn't want to be involved. I don't know why you text her since I've told you countless times I don't want you here until baby is. I'm sick of repeating myself over and over, I am 39 weeks pregnant and don't need you making me this angry. I do not want to be in a relationsip with you or anyone else, I'm not going to change my mind about us getting back together"

    That sound OK?? :shrug: xx
     
  6. Pyrrhic

    Pyrrhic Well-Known Member

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    Have you sat down and heard him out yet?

    Might seem simple, but maybe all he wants is a chance to be a family with you and the baby. At least he is trying to be involved, however misplaced his feelings are.

    He is after all the father of your child, and at one point in your life you decided he was good enough to have a baby with. I would give him the courtesy of hearing him out, and letting him know that it is a one time deal and you have no intention of changing your mind.
     
  7. suzanne108

    suzanne108 Well-Known Member

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    I have listened to him...we have had a conversation where I listened to him and then told him exactly why I couldn't get back together with him. Yet he still insists on asking again and again.

    I've also told him that I have absolutely no problems discussing the baby but he hasn't brought it up apart from asking about names and said that he wants to be at the hospital whilst I'm in labour. In fact whenever I have brought up baby arrangments he has ignored me. His text to my mum said "I want to come up to talk about us getting back together". Absolutely NOTHING that he says would make me change my mind....I don't believe in being together for the sake of children. And he has done too much for me to be with him.

    I didn't decide that he was good enough to have a baby with....I got pregnant accidentally and although I wouldn't change it it was definitely not be planned.
     
  8. Ash_P

    Ash_P Due Feb with 1st

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    U know urself huni the best way to deal with him. At the end of the day people cant pass judgement on ur actions as they havent been thru it. Im going thru something similar and I dont pass judgement on ur actions.
    Unfortunately there are men out there who dont frankly give a fuck about anyone but them selves. They wait til the end of the pregnancy or until the child is born once the hard bit is over, and then start trying to worm there way in. Its thru noseyness I think. Just see the child, then give them 8 weeks and they will be bored and fuck off again.
    We dont need men like that in our life. My ex husband is doing the same. Now that Im nearing my due date he is trying to worm his way back in.... Not to be but to the baby.
    Actually told me the other day that if my child ever turns round to his new girlfriend and says to her "ur not my mummmy" he will lift his hand and slap it across the arse!! Im fuckin sure he wont, Il break his fuckin legs.

    We have gone thru our pregnancies with no support from these idiots, we managed perfectly well, so why would they think we need then once our children arrive. Sometimes Its too little too late.

    No offence to the previous poster, but sometimes talking is just a complete waste of time and energy. It gets us no where, we end up getting stressed out, emotional, and upset all because these men are trying to control us again and take over a situation that they ran away from.

    Not being rude, but we have to deal with thigns in how we feel fit and what is best for our children. Sometimes being near these men is the worst thing that we can possibly do.
     
  9. teal

    teal Well-Known Member

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    I'm glad you managed to calm down after that :hugs:
    It's really not fair he is ignoring you and going behind your back getting your mum involved.
    I hate that after leaving us to go through the pregnancy alone they can swan back in towards the end and think they can have all this control. :growlmad:

    Ash - I can't believe your ex said that about his new girlfriend. Have no idea what goes on in their heads!

    :hugs: xx
     
  10. nievesmama

    nievesmama Proud mum of 3 xx

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    Aww hun, glad you calmed down....chocolate fudge cake is fab for that!!!
    Men are so infuriating, never hear anything that they dont want to hear. Reminds me a bit of on the simpsons when Marge is talking and Homer has a monkey clashing symbols in his head til he hears something that he likes!!!
    Texting your mum is not fair, the text you have ready to send is fine.
    Hope he backs off hun xxx
     
  11. tinkabells

    tinkabells Well-Known Member

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    Wow no wonder you were angry and upset, i would be aswell, but stay strong and sending you loads of hugs xxx
     
  12. suzanne108

    suzanne108 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies....didn't get much sleep last night as this was constantly on my mind, not sleeping much anyway though so can't blame him entirely!!!

    I'm gonna text him today....not gonna send the text I wrote out above. Just gonna keep it short and tell him not to be involving my mum again, I can't be bothered getting into an argument but I need him to know that he can't involve my mum. I tell her everything so she knows all that is going on. I was thinking maybe he thinks that she doesn't know he wants to get back together....maybe he was hoping she would talk me into it. My mum is actually someone that thinks you should try your best to be together for kids...but she sees how annoying he can be and she knows everything he's done and completely understands why I don't want that.

    Ash - you're right about talking being a waste of time and energy. He's proved that by not listening to a word I've said to him! I know people don't agree that I haven't met up with him, I just don't see much point in him driving all this way for me to tell him exactly what I can tell him over the phone....seeing him in the flesh is not going to make any difference whatsoever.

    Thanks :flower: xx
     
  13. rewizz

    rewizz Well-Known Member

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    ignorance is bliss!!!!!! and thats what i am doing !!!!! all the way .... i won't even tell him immediatley when bub is here cause i just do not want the pressure of him and his whinning voice and his mothers thinking they know best durrrhhhh !!!!!
    and pressuring me into invading my space ... none of them gave a shite whilst i was the one carrying bub.. stopping smoking ,saving like a nut ,paying for everything ,and what when it's here thinking they have every right ... uh uh uh ... oh noooooooooo...
    whilst i will not deny them the right to see bub ... it will be on my terms !!!!!!!
    rah hhhhhhhh .. look u have me ranting now ... lol xxxx
    rach..x
     
  14. lou_w34

    lou_w34 mummy <3

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    I hope you had lots more cake! :)
    Just ignore him for nows... hard i know! But you dont need the stress so close to your due date!

    xxxxxx
     
  15. danny979

    danny979 Member

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    I think you must be calm down as you and him have a conversation. when you calm down I think you will be more intelligent and have more opinion to talk to him. If you talk to him with the angry emotion, you and him can not have the same idea to resolve your problem.:wacko:
     
  16. suzanne108

    suzanne108 Well-Known Member

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    He doesn't listen to a word I say.....so what is the point? The only result is that it makes me angry because I think something has been resolved only for him to bring it all back up again weeks later. The thing making me most angry is the fact that I'm repeating myself over and over and over...

    It doesn't matter now anyway, I'm not angry anymore....until next time.
     
  17. teal

    teal Well-Known Member

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    Sending you hugs Suzanne :hugs:

    I'm glad you're feeling calmer now. I hate how much they can wind us up :( xx
     
  18. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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    hey, Did you text him and did he reply?

    nothing wrong with being angry and having a good rant on here, you do need to sit down and tell him but only once the baby is here, then reality might sink in with him. Till he can see the baby he is living in a dreamworld!
     
  19. suzanne108

    suzanne108 Well-Known Member

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    I text him saying that he wasn't to put my mum in that position again, she didn't want to be involved. I didn't bother with the rest, decided it wasn't the best time to be getting into an argument and to be honest I just can't be bothered with all the bickering anymore. I'm sick of it....granted most of it is me but its him that makes me this way!!!

    Anyway I couldn't risk him texting my mum again as she felt so awkward, she had no idea what to say. So I had to at least tell him that. He replied saying he wanted her opinion...which to me is a bit daft, no offence to my mum but why should her opinion matter when he knows mine?! I just hate that things are between me and him but he has to involve other people...looking for the sympathy vote I reckon.

    He'll be here in a few weeks anyway to see baby when it arrives. So he has the oppurtunity to speak to me then...if he wants to talk about getting back together I will discuss it with him. I can tell him again my reasons for not wanting that.

    ANYWAY.....Ava is gorgeous Claire, been nosying at your pics on FB!! :) xx
     
  20. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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    awh thanks :D

    i cant understand why he thinks your mums opinion of you two being or not being together is important.. what are you 15?? lol what a fool!

    lets hope he gets the hint soon!
     

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