Oh My!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by amjon, Nov 13, 2011.

  1. amjon

    amjon Guest

    This weekend OH brings up that he wants our daughter to live in India with his parents for 2 years when she turns 1. No way am I letting someone else raise my daughter for 2 years! I haven't even decided when I will go with OH and LO to India to visit for a short time. (I'm not doing all the vaccines, so not sure if it would be safe to take LO there when young or if BF will help protect her.) Has anyone else heard of this? He said most of the Indians living in the US do this. I can't imagine wanting someone else (even a grandparent) to have your child for 2 years of their early life. :nope: Maybe they could be able to come here and live for awhile and we could let them babysit while we are at work instead of daycare.
     
  2. luckybreak

    luckybreak Well-Known Member

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    I believe it is a cultural thing, to teach them the culture at a young age. I had a friend who is American but he married a Chinese woman when she had a child she wanted to send their son to china for 2 years to be "cultured" by the parents, she said it is what they do..huge fight because it is hard to send your little child to a strange country so far away for so long, at the end he ended up not sending him.
     
  3. Kielee

    Kielee Well-Known Member

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    Wow that's extreme, if its culture to him/his family I suppose its not odd however there's no way I would let that happen. My child my way and what if God forbid they would let you have the LO back..

    Stand your ground Hun xx

    ( I hope I haven't offended )
     
  4. amjon

    amjon Guest

    That's what he said. I told him he would just have to teach her from here as there is no way I am sending her away for 2 years.
     
  5. TwilightAgain

    TwilightAgain LTW for our LO <3

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    If I was in your position i'd put my foot down. No way can he expect you to be away from your daughter for two years, especially that young regardless of culture. (No offence intended) but I feel its a tad ridiculous, surely in general, no one can teach a child better than its own mother? :shrug:
     
  6. xAmiixLouisex

    xAmiixLouisex Mommy! <3

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    Maybe let her visit for a few weeks. But 2 years, No way! She'll forget who her parents are. I dunno how you can tell him without affending him, but I'd pretty much be having none of it.
     
  7. amjon

    amjon Guest

    I don't know if they will be able to visit. I'm not sure how much the visa would cost. When we go to the immigration attorney early next year we plan to ask. I already told him we do NOT do that here and she will be staying with us.
     
  8. Noirin

    Noirin Well-Known Member

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    its mad how different cultures work, i was with my in laws for 2 months over summer in algeria and they said if i wanted to leave my son there for a few years they'd raise him np, i found this HILARIOUS and was like thanks for the offer but ur ok, if i didnt wana rare my kids i wodnt have them :S athlo i can understand and respect different cultures work different, i like ur idea tho of invitin the inlaws to come live with you for a while, iv invited mine for the birth of my next baby to stay for 6 months aswell x
     
  9. lili_angel

    lili_angel New Mummy!! Can't Wait!!

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    I'm glad that you're passionate enough to stand up for what you believe in regardless of the culture that your OH speaks of. Whilst it is important to learn about your heritage & where you came from, it's also important to remain with you & I am glad you are choosing for LO to stay right where it belongs!
     
  10. yumosh

    yumosh Well-Known Member

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    It's really cultural and helps take stress off the parents. In my culture kids go stay with grandparents and family during summer breaks. It's family not strangers. Don't take it personally. But it's also difficult to accept cos in West parents are left to it. I wouldn't do it but that's because I my parents are here anyway. It takes a village to raise a child etc.

    Why didn't you discuss this before having a child? I don't understand that. Did he just spring it on you? That's not right. But come to a compromise?

    Good luck.
     
  11. amjon

    amjon Guest

    He just told me this weekend. I have told him we can visit his parents (as long as we discuss when it would be safe with the pediatrician) or they can come stay here (if possible) and watch LO during the day when we are at work. I will NOT send my daughter off to live in another country without me.
     
  12. Katielouisa

    Katielouisa Guest

    Oh dear! Sounds stupid... I would say no way oer my dead body! Non of my Arab or Asian friends spent 2 years in the 'pind' lol! God im annoyed for you x
     
  13. Kita

    Kita Josiah's Mommy!!

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    I can see maybe sending her off for a few weeks during the summer.. But when she is older of course. That would be nice. But 2 years as a baby? No thank you! I understand that its the culture and all BUT now that the two of you are together it sounds like baby needs to be raised multicultural (sorry idk where you are from so I am guessing). The tradition can change now with this little one. I would NEVER send my baby off to MIL's for 2 years and she is currently living with me! I want to raise my baby MY way, not have someone else do it.
     
  14. DollPosse

    DollPosse Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't sign up for this either.
    My husband's parents wanted to take our daughter for the entire summer her first summer and I wouldn't do that. I don't think I actually let them take her for a week in summer until she was 4? lol

    I get cultural differences but I personally could not let my child go to another country and live there for two years. I know I don't understand that culture but at that age I believe a child should be with her immediate family.
     
  15. bumpbear

    bumpbear First time mama

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    I'm Indian and have never heard of this before! If you're not Indian and he's selling it to you as the norm in our culture, I'm afraid he may be misinforming you a little bit. If its one of their family customs, its unique to them and not common at all.

    I was brought up in the UK and didn't see my grandparents unless we were on holiday over there with my parents - the same for all my cousins, friends and family who had emigrated to other countries.

    To be honest, I've never heard of a young child being separated from their parents unless the parents have to go abroad to work in menial jobs to support the Indian family back home and its impractical to take their child with them - and even then its done with the heaviest of hearts and seen as quite tragic. In Indian culture, a child's place is with their mother.
     
  16. amjon

    amjon Guest

    We had already discussed visiting and I was fine with that if we all go (as long as the doctor says it's safe). I want her to learn Hindi and know the culture, but she can do that with us. I was really surprised he would even suggest it.
     
  17. lalitas charm

    lalitas charm Mummy to Bethan & Piplet

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    Oh no way would I allow that. DD is 2 and I have never spent a night away from her and if anyone suggested that I spend 2 YEARS away from her and with her 1000s of miles away, well, they'd have a fight on their hands!!!

    Just tell your DH that you'd be missing out on so many special moments which are supposed to be shared with the parents not the grand parents, and when she came back at 2 years old she would be a virtual stranger and you would be strangers to her which would be traumatic to everyone. It would be horrendous. Visiting sounds wonderful though :)
     
  18. LilianA

    LilianA Well-Known Member

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    I've had a few indian friends and they now have kids and none of them have sent their kids over for two years!!
     
  19. jennijunni

    jennijunni Well-Known Member

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    Never!! A baby needs their mother at while at 1, some may say they are no longer a baby, but they very much are. I would never, ever allow that. It seems like you have this under control! GL!
     
  20. Wantingbbbump

    Wantingbbbump Airyonna is here 4/2/2012

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    My moms best friend had a baby with her Oh from India, well her OH pulled this same thing and so she agreed to send her daughter for 2 weeks, well her OH left her and she never got her daughter back. She never got to see her after that. The last time she got to see her baby was at 2 y/o at the airport. I'm in no way saying that this is what your OH is going to do but this is what happened to my moms bestie. It's sad. Your daughter belongs with you period. I would be very angry with my oh for asking to send my daughter away or any of my kids really. Don't agree to let her go anywhere with out you!!!!
     

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